Christmas Was...

Wonderful, stressful, full of excitement and cooled anger.  Flare ups happened and rages happened but overall I think it was a success!

Christmas Eve is spent at my sisters.  Always a wonderful night of being together with family and close friends, great food and a wonderful, joy filled atmosphere.  This year was even better for hubby and I as our little one was quite a bit better (read less amped up and less screaming) and hubby and I actually got to eat dinner together!  We also got to stay longer than just dinner and run!

Santa showed up this year at my sisters to all of the children's (big and small) delight!  The best part was watching the kids stand outside for quite some time and waiting to see Santa fly off the roof!  The question after about 20 minutes was "Is Santa's sleigh magic?  I couldn't see him fly away."  We all said yes and the matter was over for another year.

Hubby and I stayed for a little while longer and then took the boys home to bed.  We prepared for Santa at home and put the boys down for their sleep.
Hubby and I stayed up for a couple of hours more getting everything ready for Santa.

Christmas morning was wonderful!  Nana and Papa came over early to watch the children open their gifts and everyone had a good time.  The 3 year old was cooked after his stocking and we had to keep prodding him to open the rest of his gifts.  The 8 year old was tearing through his gifts.  He got so excited and almost forgot the rest of his gifts when he got the one toy gift he asked for.  It was a Ben 10 Alien Disc somethingorother!  But we got through everything.  The little one had a minor melt down half way through gift opening because he was just so tired.  But like I said, we got through.

The rest of the day went pretty well.  The 8 year old had to be timed out because he had a major melt down and tried to hurt his brother.  But we nipped that in the bud and made him understand that his anger was something he could deal with.  Deep breathing and sitting quietly for about 30 minutes (of his own timing) seemed to help him alot.  Christmas is an overwhelming day so we expected the outbursts.

Christmas Dinner was exquisite!  My hubby the chef (red seal) made the entire dinner and we all walked away over stuffed and had to wait a couple of hours to indulge in the home made pumpkin cheesecake, turtle pie, and apple pie.  Whoo!  I'm stuffed again just writing about it.  We had a couple of friends come over for dessert too and had a wonderful time with them until bed time.

Boxing Day we went shopping at our local Wal Mart and got started on next Christmas's shopping.  That's always fun.  Hopefully I won't forget where I put those presents by next year!

So now we're just relaxing until New Year's Eve.  We have a few friends coming over and we'll ring in the new year quietly playing games with family and friends.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and from my family to yours, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Have a great day and God Bless you all!

Excuse Me But Can You Tell Me Where I'm Going?

I received what I thought was a thought provoking email from a friend this morning.  What it actually turned out to be was something quite different.  Here it is:

 "I found this anonymous article deeply moving-- I hope you do, too."

 Bagpiper at a Funeral

 As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. 

 Recently I was asked by a Funeral director to play at a
graveside service for a homeless Man. 

 He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a
Pauper's' cemetery in the back country.

 As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being
a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

 I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had
evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. 

 There were only the Diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

 I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. 

 I went to the Side of the grave and looked down and the vault
lid was already in place. 

 I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

 The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. 

 I played my heart and soul out for this man with no family and
friends. 

 I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

 And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. 

 They wept I wept, we all wept together. 

 When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. 

 Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

 As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, 

 "I Never seen nothin' like that before 

 and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

 Apparently I'm still lost....it's a man thing.

So as you can see, it's a bit of a joke.  But for me it was also thought provoking.  The last line stating that the man is still lost and it's a man thing.  Being lost is not just a man thing.  It's also a mother thing, parental thing, human being thing.  For me it's a mother thing.  The last few entries here have shown you that I feel lost... A LOT.

I'm lost on most of my children's behaviours, some of the things they do and say to eachother simply baffle me and leave me feeling lost.  How to cope and help them learn is a feeling of helplessness and being lost like no other.  The key to all of this though is to ask for help.  Stop and ask for directions.  Even if the person or people you're asking don't know the exact route to help you get where you want to go, you asked.  You might still be lost, but at least maybe set on the right path.

Hope this made some sense to you.

Have a great night and God Bless You.
 

Ahhhh....

The peace and quiet of an early morning.  The children are still asleep, my husband went into work early (hence he'll be home earlier), the only thing missing (and I'm not missing it) is a nice hot cup of coffee.

Yesterday went quite a bit better than the day before that I blogged about.  Our oldest only tried once to actually hurt his little brother and I think that is in part due to a new coping technique suggested to me by a new friend.  This new friend lives in the same situation as we do and understands our feelings.  I had posted the blog entry to my very much appreciated online support group and got a whole bunch of fantastic and reasonable suggestions.  All of which I'm going to incorporate into this families life and see how they work.  I also got some excellent suggestions from a real world friend that I'll be able to use as well.  Those suggestions I know will work, because they're dependent on mine and the husband's dedication and have  less to do with the children's abilities.

Yesterday, I ran into a friend in a local store and I immediately hugged her and wished her a Merry Christmas.  Poor thing, don't think she knew who I was until I let go and actually looked her in the eye!  We had a good, quick catch up and went our separate ways.  But I sure thanked God for her presence right when He placed her in my path.  I needed a real friend right there and then, and there she was!  Apparently she needed me too.  So it worked out for both of us and seems to have restored both our Christmas spirit a little.

Last night my hubby and I made craft gifts for my family.  For once I can take all the credit for these gifts because it was all my idea.  Hubby only helped a little.  Unless...they don't like them then it's all HIS doing!
Hubby and I also sat and wrapped gifts for the children last night.  We have decided that this Christmas is going to be as it always is...special and wonderful and full of magic.  Next year we really start working hard on teaching the children (not that we haven't been, we'll just employ different tactics) how to love one another without being physically harmful to one another.  Hopefully too we'll have new additions to our family which will take the focus of the boys off one another as well.  In a good way of course.

Have a Great Day and God Bless you!

My Dilemma...

My dilemma is how do I keep my 2 beautiful sons from hurting eachother daily?

Both my boys are FASD and NAS.  For those of you not in the know FASD is Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and NAS is Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome.  Broken down completely it means these babies were exposed to drugs and alcohol before they were born.

My daily struggle with my boys is that they seem to enjoy inflicting pain on one another.  Now I know this is not unique to just my children, or even to just my boys.  Alot of people will say that it's just a boy thing.  But I don't think it is.  Boys like to play and rough house and sometimes (OK most times) it ends in tears with most 'typical' boys.  My boys aren't typical.  They have special needs.  My dilemma is how do I manage it?  I know I can't stop it or 'cure' it but how do I manage it?

I have tried everything I can think of and gone to all of the experts in the field either personally or through their literature and nothing is working.

Right now I'm at actually threatening no presents on Christmas morning.  My 8 year old understands the concept of being on the nice or naughty list for Santa and even knowing (and he admits) he's on the naughty list, isn't doing anything to curb certain behaviours.  A lot of their behaviours aren't controllable by them at this point but some of it is.  My husband and I want to take our boys to have their pictures taken with Santa but they're both so banged up (and it's visible) that the pictures just wouldn't be nice reminders of this Christmas.
So what do I do?

Do I go ahead and go through with Christmas like we've always done or do I carry out my threat and they get nothing, well maybe one or two little presents, on Christmas?

Any Mums out there have any advice?  I'm desperate to help my boys learn, it's not about hurting their feelings or torturing them on Christmas, I just want to help them learn how to be nice to one another.

Help?!

This Morning Was...

EXCITING!!!!

For the first time in his young life my 8 year old strapped on a pair of ice skates and took off!  Well... OK he didn't take off but he held his Aunty L's hand and stepped onto the ice.  It was also the first time I witnessed him try something new without fighting for an hour first.

It had a lot to do with his Aunty being a hockey player.  He wasn't sure he even wanted to go skating with his class, but when Aunty L said she would go with him and teach him how to skate, he was completely on board!

I can't skate.  No balance whatsoever, but even I almost put on skates and asked my step-sister to teach me too.  They looked like they were having the best time.  My little man had an ear to ear grin for the full hour they were on the ice.  I got a couple of pictures but they didn't turn out too well.

As for the location they were in, it was simply magical.  Our local skating arena gets decorated every Christmas season and it's called Winter Wonderland.  It's magical.  The lights get turned downed low and it's like your skating outside in a beautiful snow covered forest.  Watching my son in that environment was awe inspiring.  I think we're going to go as a family (Daddy can skate) and see if Mum and the 3 year old can keep up to the new pro in the family.  If not then we're all going to get a lot of giggles out of watching Mummy fall on her bum!

Hope your day was magical too.

Have a great night and God Bless you!

I'm Just Too Tired...

To write.  So I'll give you a quick update.

The visit with my in-laws went swimmingly.  No sarcasm there.  It really did go well.  My mother-in-law and I had a good conversation about some of our differences and got them squared away.  We're working on a clean slate and taking our relationship to a new level.  That makes me very happy.

I have not as yet made the butter tarts.  Been too tired after my days with my 3 year old.  He is so ramped up that I don't even get a potty break until my husband gets home from work. I'm now up to 3 broken ornaments.  I'm hoping after Christmas he settles down and things get back to normal.  Well as normal as normal gets in this house.

My eldest sons concert was today and it was fabulous.  Nothing like watching elementary school aged children singing about Ebeneezer Scrooge to put you in the Christmas spirit.

This Friday is my oldests skating party and I'm looking forward to that.  He's never been on the ice and I can't skate, so his step-aunty is coming to teach him how to skate.  She's a hockey player for our local ladies team and they're both excited for this opportunity.

Saturday we are all going to an adoptive families Christmas party in a neighbouring community and we're all excited about that.

So there you have it.

Have a good night and God Bless you.

I'm Sitting Here....

Contemplating doing something I've never ever done before in my life.

Making butter tarts!  I don't bake.  Well that's not quite accurate, I can't bake.  I ruin Mr. Christie's cookies simply by removing them from their packaging!  But today I was inspired by the most beautiful woman I know.  The woman who taught me not to fear trying something new.  The woman who raised me to be a strong, independent woman.  That's right, my Mum.

My mum and her husband came for coffee today (thank you for bringing the Timmy's) and brought me and my family a tin full of shortbread cookies, butter tarts, and 2 mince meat tarts.  After they left I texted my hubby at work and gave him a shopping list.  These are things I would like picked up on his way home from work.  Midway through my list I got a text from him saying, "Keep it coming baby."  I did.  He knew instantly that I wanted to make butter tarts but I confused him by asking for dates.  Dates in a butter tart you may ask? No!  I found an easy recipe for date squares.  One of my husbands favorite sweets.  I thought I would try to make them for him.  But he couldn't find any dates in our grocery store.  So no date squares tonight.

I'll let you know tomorrow how my tarts turned out.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day as well.  My husbands parents are coming to visit.  We haven't seen them in 2 years almost to the day.  It's been a stressful couple of years with them but I'm hoping tomorrow will mark the beginning of a new and loving era for us all.  I want my children to know their grandparents, so we shall see.

You may be asking if my Christmas tree is still standing and if it's still in its entirety.  YES!  The 3 year old only went near it a couple of times and didn't do much.  His biggest interest with it at the moment is the lights.  He wants them on and then he wants them off.  He likes to play with the plug.  He's learning (I hope) that the plug is dangerous and that once it's in it stays in.  But at least for today the tree is still standing, the lights are still working, and my 3 year old baby boy went to bed without any injuries.  Here's praying that tomorrow goes better or at least the same way.

Have a great night and God Bless you!

Tonight Was...

Interesting.  We've had our tree up for about a week.  It's up.  Not decorated...until tonight.
You may be asking why we had it up without decorations for so long.  Well...that's because of the 3 year old.  We have our ceiling decorated like we do every Christmas and it looks lovely.  Festive even.  I put one glass plate with 3 white candles that have snowflake decorations on them on my antique teak table and one of my favorite angel ornaments on top of my dvd tower and that's it.  The three year old likes to destroy things.  My angel which we thought was safe is now in the trash.  He and his brother were chasing each other around the house when we instructed the older brother to sit down and ignore his brother.  He didn't.  The little one for the first time grabbed my dvd tower and shook it until my angel fell off and smashed!  Now normally I don't get all that upset over 'things', but this angel was from my mum and very special to me.  So I got very upset.  Especially with the oldest boy because if he'd just followed directions my angel would still be intact.  Oh well c'est la vie.

So, we've been decorating slowly hoping to get the little one to just slowly accept the changes.  I don't think it's going to work.  He broke one of my hand made glass ornaments tonight while Daddy was decorating the tree.  We get the boys to help decorate and that way they're proud of their accomplishment and leave it alone.
Well that's how it worked with the oldest.  The little one is so very different.  I'm hoping the tree survives tomorrow.  I think it looks beautiful.

So, after decorating we had dinner and for about an hour until the little one went to bed our tree has survived. For that I'm thankful.
Now you know why our tree stood for a week without decoration.

Have a great night and God Bless you.

Today Was Full...

Of highs and lows.

We started our day early by going to the doctor's office for shots.  Me and the boys all had to have shots.  I got my iron shot and the boys got their flu shots.  My boys were fantastic for the shots!  So proud of both of them.  My little one, up until the doctor gave him his shot, was so busy I actually had to gently restrain him at one point.  He was pulling that little exam room apart from ceiling to floor!  I'm sure both the doctor and his receptionist were happy to see the back of us!  That was a high and a low.

Then we came home.  I kept the oldest home from school today to make sure he didn't have any reactions to the  shot.  Which meant that both boys were home and the chaos ensued.  That was a low.  I couldn't wait until my husband got home from work!  By the time he got home I was exhausted and ready to go to bed.  But I'm not in bed and trying to relax now.

One of my highs today was getting to speak to our new adoption worker.  I've met her briefly a couple of times but today I got to rid myself of the confusion of who our worker is and who does what.
Our new worker is a lovely lady.  She's full of passion for her new position and can't wait to be fully certified to complete matches and bring children in care home to their forever families!  She is going to be a person that we'll be happy to include in our family.

Another high for me today is that I'm going to be included in the next session of Caring for First Nations course.  This is a course I learned about last spring and just missed getting registered for the Fall session.  So come January I will be able to participate and learn more about our First Nations culture and have a better understanding of their history and how to teach my family and other families how to integrate with our local First Nations community.  I'm extremely excited about this.

So there you have my day.  It was high and low and I'm happy to have experienced both.  When we have lows we learn to appreciate the highs that much more.

Have a great night and God Bless.

The Journey Carries Confusion...

For more families than just mine!

I've been listening to some families talk and confusion about many issues is arising.
For my family it's confusion about who our social worker is.  Who do we turn to when we have questions about why we haven't heard a single peep about our next children?  We essentially have 2 workers but we don't know which one does what.  I've started a conversation with one worker to see if I can unravel the cords of confusion.

I've heard another family is dealing with confusion on why it took so long to get their homestudy finished when they were supposedly fast tracked to start the process of adopting a specific child/ren.  All of a sudden they're approved but for only one low risk child, then when they question it they are no longer approved, then when they bring up misinformation in their homestudy they are approved again but not for the child/ren they were applying for.  Now they're facing all sides of the process to get things straightened out and figured out on where they stand.

I've had many people tell me that they thought that adoption is the easy way to build a family.  To them I say HAH!  It's not.  Believe me when I say that to adopt requires more love, patience, and dedication than you can imagine.  You have to go through a process that makes you examine yourself and those around you with such close scrutiny that you sometimes start to wonder if you're good enough, strong enough, willing to go through the entire process.  Most people can have a child in 10 months.  In adoption you're generally facing a year plus.  Our first adoption process took 2 and half years.  Our second, 1 and a half years.  We're now on our third journey and we're already 13 months since our homestudy was approved but we've been working toward that since August 12th 2009.  Tell me again how easy this process is.

The adoption journey is full of emotions with confusion being one of the greatest, in my eyes.  But it's a journey I wouldn't change for all the money in the world.  Confusion and all!

Have a great night and God Bless.

Today...

Has been interesting.  During the week it's just me and the little one until 3:05PM.  During that time my little one and I have fun.  I mean laughing out loud, rolling around on the floor, playing with cars and trucks, playing hide and go seek kind of fun!  All with TreeHouse on in the background.  I can't change that channel or all our fun goes out the window and the temper tantrum starts.  Then 3:05PM rolls around and the front door flies open and my oldest comes running in.  That's when my pretty easy going day goes the way of the Dodo bird.

When my oldest comes through the front door my little one goes absolutely wild!  He spends his day playing with his mama, but he misses his big brother so much that when he gets home everything and everyone else cease to exist.  He idolizes that 8 year old boy.  The 8 year old boy is happy to see his little brother but he has things to do and wishes for some quiet time of his own to unwind from his hard day at school.

My oldest spends his day focusing really hard on being well behaved so he doesn't get in trouble at school. This is something that most, if not all, FASD kids do at school.  When he gets home he knows he's safe and just wants a few moments to himself to completely let go and unwind the corkscrew that has wound up in his body from working hard all day.

That's where I come in.  I have to physically restrain my little one to just hugging his big brother and not letting him knock him to the ground and wrestle with him.  My little one looks like a mini wrestler! Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't.  But daily my 8 year old takes our little Roxie (our chihuahua) out for a run and a potty break, and then comes in and makes a bee-line for his upstairs bedroom where he can just be himself...alone.  So far it seems to be working for my oldest.  I wish there was a way to keep him in the livingroom with me and the little one but to do that the little one would have to remain calm.  That's not in his agenda for his day.

Now everyone is in bed and sleeping peacefully and my hubby and I are enjoying our quiet time together.  I'm writing and hubby is watching one of his favorite shows.  And NO it's NOT on TREEHOUSE!!!!

Have a great night and God Bless!

I've Been Away....

From my writing.  I apologize to those of you who've been wondering where I got to.  I've been here, right at home, but struggling with some of the issues my children have and trying to find a way to actually cope with the waiting for our new children.  We've also had some issues to deal with where our SW is concerned.  We still don't have one...well...we do and we don't.

So, first of all my children's issues.  Our oldest is doing pretty well.  He's had a couple of minor skirmishes at school which he's handled well, and when he comes home he suddenly thinks he's the parent of his little brother. That is a minor issue to deal with.  We just keep reminding him that he's not the parent and that we are and he can go ahead and just be a kid and big brother.  He doesn't have to worry about the grown up responsibilities that he's tried to take on.  He's getting there and we're proud of him.
This year back in public school he's doing so well.  We get notes and calls from his teacher and his principal telling us how proud of him they are and just how well he's doing and how quickly he settled into the routine.  We're all so very proud of him!
Then there's our little one.  Well now, his behaviours leave something to be desired.  He's all over the map!  Taking him out of the house is completely exhausting and at times quite embarrassing, but we're overcoming the embarrassment and learning to ignore the general public who just don't know what's going on.  I heard about making a business size card that tells people your child is special needs and that at the moment you need all your energy and attention for your child, but if they'd like to learn more they can call you.  It has your name and phone number and you just hand it to those who are staring or making comments when your child/ren are crashing in public.  I think I'm going to do that.  Anyway, right now taking my youngest anywhere is a huge hassle.  His behaviours are like that of a 2 year old only multiplied by about 10,000.  The only medication we have him on is to sleep and that is causing him night terrors.  So he's coming off that now.  I'm going to be scheduling an appointment with our paediatrician tomorrow morning so that we can discuss other alternatives to his sleep disorder and his daytime behaviours.  At home he's pretty good, just busy, but really very well behaved.  Unless of course he's seeking attention, then we have to ignore him for hours on end because he doesn't give up!
So that's my daily life with my kids.  All in all, not bad at all, just tiring.

So, it's been over a year now since we were approved to adopt a sibling group.  We never thought it would take this long.  We did have to say no to one sibling group but only because we felt we didn't have the one resource one of the children would need.  We won't take a child we can't provide properly for all of their needs.  It's not fair to the children or right.  We are extremely picky about the professionals we allow into our children's lives.  What this one child needed is here but we don't approve of the source of the help.  The closest resource was too far away and would keep me from the other 3 children too many days a month.  Not fair and not right.
But since that duo, there's been no others that apparently would fit with us or us with them.  It's hard to believe when there are so many sibling groups available for adoption right now.  But, that's the way it is and we have to accept it.  It's not easy but we're focusing on our children and living for today and for not what tomorrow may bring.  Live for the present.  It's my daily mantra.

Our SW issue.  We have a very nice temporary worker who works out of a different community and has a very large caseload.  We don't think we're a priority for her.  It makes us feel out of sorts.  We're not close to this person like we've been with our other workers.  We were at a matching event a few weeks ago and even there we noticed we weren't at the top of this worker's list.  They were definitely very busy with a couple of other families that were there.  We did approach one worker about a sibling group she presented, but we knew from the get go that IF we were considered at all it would only be as a back up family for the children.
So the other part of the SW issue is that we know and have met the new worker for our community.  That's awesome right?  No.  The worker that has been hired to take over our community isn't certified/qualified to do the job yet.  Which means that she can't look for matches for us or help us approach other workers.  We're not even supposed to really know about her from what we've been told.
So here I sit full of confusion.  Friends of ours have a different temporary worker who told them they ARE to connect with the new worker for here and have her look for matches for them and then if they find one the temporary worker will complete the rest of the steps.  Confusion reigns triumphant here!

So there you have it.  With all that's been going on with the kids and the worker situation and the rest of our daily lives I just haven't felt much like writing.  I have a friend who also writes an adoption blog who writes daily to help her deal with her emotions and I wish I had that ability.  It's something I'm going to work on.  Writing daily to help me.  I think it will be therapeutic.  And there ain't nothing wrong with therapy!

Have a great night and I'll try to write more tomorrow.

God Bless you all!

In the Past Few Weeks....

There have been some exciting things happening.
My youngest son turned 3 years old!  He had a family birthday party that included our new extended family.  With my Mum getting married, we had a new Uncle to include and a new Auntie with her husband.  There is another Uncle and Auntie too, but they couldn't be here.  We had friends come that have watched our boy grow since birth too.  He's getting so big and growing in ways that we couldn't imagine.  He's amazing.  Considering the rough start he had to his life seeing him doing so well is truly a blessing and just completely amazing!

Then a couple of weeks after that we got a call from our SW.  On her way out, she received a preliminary email about us.  Another SW wondering if we'd be interested in another sibling group.  My husband took the call and told her YES!  So now we're sitting and waiting for another call to let us know whether or not these are the children we need to consider for our family.  There's a new SW that's going to get a call this week to do some investigative work for us. These pins and needles are killing me!

Then it was my birthday.  Yes I'm another year older and surprisingly enough I don't feel it.  I feel younger.  It may be because all my hard work to get in better shape and reverse some of my health issues (not just control them but completely reverse them)is paying off!  My weight is coming down at a nice controlled rate, my diabetes is under control and without insulin anymore! YAY ME!, my transplant is working like it was just put in yesterday and I feel great!  Better than I have in years, and I didn't feel all that bad before!

So my hubby whisked me away for an overnight stay, just the two of us.  It was wonderful.  And this time I didn't feel guilty.  Watching my boys in the window broke my heart but I got over it.  It was just less than 24 hours we were gone and we needed it.  I got spoiled and the boys had a great time with my mum and grandpa.  So everyone was happy.

Just a quick update and I'll write more later.  Hopefully with some adoption news.

There Always Comes a Time....

To say good-bye.

This week we were informed that we would have to say good-bye to someone very special to us.

Our social worker is leaving us.  Not just us, but our office as our adoption worker.  She has decided to pursue another journey.

This is the third time we've had to say good-bye to our adoption worker.  Our first adoption worker was a private agency worker who was contracted to do our home study for MCFD.  We knew from the get go that we wouldn't have her through out our journey.  We loved her and love her still.

Our second adoption worker was also our first.  She was the worker that had to have us contracted to the private agency worker, but was with us through out our first adoption journey, and our second.

Our third and current worker, did our homestudy update and moved into our hearts from the first phone contact we had with her.  This worker is wonderful.  She understood our sense of humour immediately, and just fit in with us right from the get go.  So having to say good-bye to her is breaking our hearts.

I should probably explain why.  Your adoption worker is someone who gets very personal with you.  She gets to know you and your family intimately in ways that even your closest family and friends may not know you.  It's a very personal relationship.  Now not all people get that close with their worker, but we did.  Especially with this one.  Like I said, she just 'got us' right from the first contact.

So, when she called to tell me that she was moving on, I cried.  I cried hard.  I couldn't imagine not having this lady in our lives.  So I did the only thing I could do and made an appointment with her for an hour from the time she called.

My hubby and I went to the office and went through the bulletin, and gave her a thank you card, and a big hug.  I'm happy that her next step in her life journey is going to be keeping her in this community and I extended an open invitation to our home whenever she feels like having coffee.  I also get to keep her involved in our adoption community by inviting her to share from her new journey with our local adoption support group.

So while we had to say good-bye to her in this capacity, we made a friend.

To our beautiful worker we wish you all the best in your next adventure.  Thank you for all you've done for our family.

Time to Catch Up...

So it's been close to a month since I've written, for that I apologize.
There's been a lot going on most of which I won't/can't share.  I've had some health concerns to deal with; my own and one of my children.

My child's was more behavioural than anything else.  We've all been there with children, biological and adopted. The terrible two's.  Mine is somewhat worse I think.  My son has a will to beat the band.  I thought I was strong willed, but my son is beyond my stubbornness.  When he says NO, he means it.  Doesn't matter what you bribe him with or try to redirect him with, makes no difference.

Right now our big struggle with him is getting him to come inside from playing outside.  The only way we could get him in today was to tell him Poppa was here....with coffee!  That worked...once.  Not twice.  He realized as soon as I locked the back door that I lied.  Poppa didn't come out today with coffee.  Did I feel bad?  You bet I did.  I hate having to lie to my child to get him to acquiesce.  If it wasn't getting dark and it wasn't his dinner and bedtime, I wouldn't have stooped so low, but I can't leave him outside all night for the deer and bear and cougar to discover.

The other big struggle is stopping his temper tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants.  After about an hour of full on screaming, I think most mums would give in.  But I don't.  My Mum wishes I would but she respects that my philosophy is to ignore it and eventually it will stop.  The tantrums are getting shorter.  They've gone from an hour and half down to an hour and today's was only 30 minutes!  We're talking full lung screaming non stop.  It's hard on the ears and if you're sensitive to loud noise it can make you feel physically ill.  But I have the ability to tune it out completely.
I'm trying to teach my older son how and my Mum and my husband.  They're learning, but they're not quite there yet.

So, there's been that to deal with it.  It's a daily occurrence.  The other thing we're dealing with is my diabetes.  I've managed to lose a substantial amount of weight and it's throwing my system out of whack.  My mineral levels dropped to my boots and my blood sugars went so low I was passing out.  We're getting that all straightened around now and I'm on the road to recovery.  I've been taken off all my insulin and am now on just 2 diabetes pills a day and one shot that takes the place of insulin and prevents a person from having low  blood sugars.  So that is getting better and I'm feeling better all the time.

So that's what has been happening for the last few weeks and it's kept me from writing.

But hopefully I'm back now.  This weekend my youngest turns 3 years old and I am so looking forward to his party!  It's going to be a blast!
Talk to you soon!

YIPPEEEEE....

I don't know what happened but my Blogger Blog is working properly again!!!! Yay!

Today was a great day!  My nephew and his 4 beautiful children and my sisters charge, came to visit my boys and I for the afternoon.
What a joy it was to sit outside on the patio, enjoy a cup of coffee or 3 and watch and listen to the children play and have fun together.

My branch of the family tree isn't the only branch built by including adoption.  There's only a few branches on our tree that don't include at least one adopted family member.  Some of them were here today.

One of the reasons that I never feared how my family would react or accept my children coming to us through adoption is because of this.  Most of our branches include adoption in one form or another.

I live in a family that embraces each other no matter what our differences are.

I am truly blessed!

PS.  Yes today's post is all about me and how I feel. :p

Happy Saturday All!

Is Anybody Else...

Having issues with their blog?  All of a sudden last night I discovered that I couldn't post a comment to a friend's blog and I can't log in to my own (the links are missing) when I'm on Google Chrome.

I pulled up my Internet Explorer and low and behold I can log in and blog!

Just wondering if anyone else is experiencing the same issue?  If you are do you know how to report it? And to whom?

Talk to you soon....

Where Has The Time Gone?...

So today is May 26th, 2011.  In one month less a day our beautiful baby boy will be 3 years old!  Where has the time gone?

He was only 8 days old when he officially came into our lives and 13 days old when he came home forever from the hospital.  Those are 5 days of my life I will never forget.  (Although I do have them fully documented in a diary I'm keeping.)

So in these past 3 years our sons have grown and changed so much.  Our eldest was only 4 years old not quite 5 and very, very excited to meet his new baby brother!  Our baby was only a newborn and going through withdrawals (mildly at first, then horribly) within 6 months of his homecoming.  He was quite premature so it took a while for the true withdrawals to set in.  When they did, boy oh boy, our family all felt it.  The compassion that surfaced in our eldest was unbelievable.  Prior to that we hadn't seen too much, but knowing his brother was in pain that no one could help, drove him around the bend.  There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for that baby!  I thought I loved my eldest as much as I possibly could until that first true bout of withdrawals!  Boy was I wrong!

So baby grew and developed better than anyone dared hope for a newborn born with the addictions he had, and big brother grew and developed in ways no one could have predicted.

My eldest is my pride and joy.  He is the polar opposite of his little brother.  S. is serious and sober.  At 7 and half years old he's finally developing a sense of humour.  He is extremely literal.  He is old.  Everyone who meets him says they've never met such an old soul.  He is 7 and half years old with the attitude of a 17 year old!  Now I know every parent says that but it's true.  Meet my son and you'll look at me and say, "Wow you weren't kidding!"  Everyone does.

I'm homeschooling my eldest this year.  When we started grade 2 he was reading and comprehending at a grade 4 level.  He's now at a grade 9 level.  No, I'm not joking.  Occasionally I get asked what a word means and then he re-reads the sentence with the new definition of the specific word and I hear, " Oh OK, that makes sense now."  You know that show Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?  Well I'm not.  I thought I was, but I'm having issues with the Grade 2 work!  But we're getting there.

So, we're less than 3 weeks away from our term deadline and 2 weeks ago, I discovered an English book that we didn't realize was there.  It's a whole term of work we have to complete.  Which wouldn't have been so bad but I've been under the weather with a bit of a diabetic issue (which is completely resolved now) and we're working like mad-persons to get caught up!  And we will.  I'm so proud of my above average intelligence son!

Then we have the almost 3 year old.  Well I said my boys are polar opposites and they're even biological brothers.  S. is serious and sober, and G. was born laughing I swear!  There is very little that doesn't tickle his funny bone.  All this boy does is laugh.  Or try to make others laugh.  His speech is a little delayed, but everything else in his development is right on track or exceeding his age group.  All of his assessors have been amazed at the way he's developed being so premature.  Right from the get go we didn't have muscle tone issues, or failure to thrive issues or eating issues.  The doctor thought he had an eating issue but we explained about his big brother being a lazy eater (2 hours or more to eat a bit of yogurt) and they removed the feeding tube and let us take over.  We proved to them that we could get him to eat properly and they discharged him.

G. is a child that melts your heart the second he enters a room.  His eyes and his curls just get you.  Yes I know I'm biased as his Mum, but I swear I'm not exaggerating.  He has his issues too.  He has a temper.  His temper is worse than any ginger kid you'll ever meet.  When this child doesn't get his own way we get treated to a throw myself on the floor-kicking-and-screaming temper tantrum.  The only thing one can do is walk away and ignore it.  Stay out of the child's line of sight (but so that you can still see him for safety's sake) and give him NO attention.  Most children would stop within a few moments.  Not mine!  He can go on forever.  But eventually it stops and then he comes to find you and asks for cuddles.  It's OK to give it to him then.  He's forgotten why he was so upset!  But most of the time he's just a joy to be around.

Now that G. is almost 3, we're sitting here waiting for a call from our social worker to tell us we have new children coming.  We're praying we'll be able to adopt another sibling group.  Seeing how important it was/is for our eldest when he understood that G. was his biological brother, not just his adopted brother, showed us that we could give that same connection for another biological sibling group.  Then our family we built through adoption would have more than one connection for their lives.

So here I sit praying for that phone to ring.  Please Lord, we're ready....

Mother's Day....

Yay!  The one day of the year that society sets aside to appreciate mother's.  Personally I try to appreciate my mother EVERYDAY.  I'm also trying to teach my children that it's right and appropriate to show appreciation to the people in our lives everyday.  So how did my family do on Mother's Day?  FANTASTIC!!!

I was overjoyed!  I had a fantastic day and it had very little to do with the material gifts I received.  My wonderful hubby did take me down to my favorite store at our Quay and my oldest son helped me pick out a very pretty ring and pendant that I will be able to wear at his Nana's wedding this summer.  (I'm the matron of honour and I needed jewelry to go with my dress.)  So it served double purpose. But the best gift I received was having my family sit down to a really fancy, homemade dinner with me.  It was awesome!  My hubby made the best hamburgers and hot dogs around! Especially because none of it was homemade!  It was all prefab, and good.  But it wasn't the food...it was the company.

My beautiful Mum and her fiancee, my new stepbrother and his gorgeous lady, my doting hubby, and my two phenomenal sons!  Having these people with me on this day, all of us appreciating each other, was the best gift ever!

I can't wait until the next family gathering where I can have EVERYBODY here.  I'm thinking it's my hubby's birthday and my nephew's birthday.  Hmmmm time to give my sister a break from throwing all the parties I think.  Better get planning it's less than a month away!

Hope you all had a wonderful mother's day!  I know I did!

Mother's Day is Coming Up...

So Sunday May 8th is Mother's Day.  This (as in Mother's Day) is a day I looked forward to my whole life.
From the time I was 16 years old I was told that I would never be able to have children.  It broke my heart.  All I ever dreamed of being was a house wife and mother.

When I was 12 years old I met my best friend and found out she was adopted and I decided there and then that whether I had biological children or not I would be adopting.  So while finding out that having birth children wasn't going to be an option, I consoled myself knowing that one day I WOULD be a Mum!

Here we are in 2011.  I am the mother of 2 of the most beautiful boys in the world.  They are biological brothers, and born of mine and my husband's hearts.  Biological to us they are not, but you can't tell.  To see us together is to see a family.  No one questions us (based on appearance) whether or not we're foster parents, or caregivers.  They just see a family.  In the emergency room however, we get asked if we're foster parents because of our boys diagnoses of FASD, and NAS.  We quietly explain that we are their parents.  Adoptive not temporary.

So Mother's Day is upon us once again and I can't wait.  My family keeps asking me what I would like for my day.  I want my next children.  But...that's not going to happen this year.  So what I really want is a day with my family that I can share without upset, drama or fights.  I want a day to make beautiful memories together and then in the evening have dinner together with my Mum and her fiancée, and my new stepbrother and his beautiful lady who unfortunately can't be with her children and grand-babies.  So my Mother's Day is going to be spent making beautiful memories with my family and helping to ease the pain of another Mum who can't be with her babies.  Who could ask for more?

I suppose if my beautiful family wanted to get me something material, a trip to my favorite store down at our local Quay might be nice.  I could pick out a shiny new ring or necklace....

Happy Mother's Day to all those Mum's out there and pre-adoptive Mum's to be!!!

Easter and Family....

Yesterday was Easter Sunday.  Our family is Christian and we celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.  We also celebrate the Easter Bunny.

This year we were blessed to have family with us for our dinner.  My hubby, who is a wonderful, red seal chef, made a phenomenal meal of roast stuffed turkey, honey, maple and pineapple glazed ham, brussel sprouts, carrots, salad, and buns.  Now you're probably thinking, "What? No mashed potatoes?"  Yes there were mashed potatoes but those are my specialty.  They aren't plain but oh so scrumptious that you can make an entire meal out of my mashed potatoes.  But as fantastic as dinner was not a huge amount of it was eaten!  I had made a promise to my future stepfather that I would make him homemade cheesecake.  And...I did!

Now anyone who knows me knows that baking isn't my thing....at all.  Mr. Christie makes good cookies, and I wreck them simply by opening the package.  But this cheesecake I do very well.  I made a homemade pumpkin cheesecake for the very first time in my life, this past Christmas.  It was very good.  I lost the recipe.  But I found a similar one and under the supervision and guidance of my chef husband, I altered this new recipe to be even more decadent than the last one!  It was so totally scrumptious!  Everyone told me how good it was, and by the way it was disappearing I knew they weren't just placating my nerves.

So we had a full table.  But not everyone I wanted was here.  In attendance were, hubby and I and our 2 boys.  My Uncle and Aunt from up North, my Mum and her wonderful fiancee, and for dessert my Uncle's twin brother, my other Uncle.  My cousin had been invited but wasn't feeling well and couldn't come.  I wanted to have my future stepbrother and his beautiful lady, and my future stepsister and her husband, as well as my sister and her husband and two sons, and her boarder, and my brother and his wife and 3 beautiful children.  But I just don't have room.  I did have enough food, but nowhere to put everyone.  My sister and her husband and her boarder are off on a cruise, and my brother and his family don't live in our town.  So even with those who couldn't be here I still didn't have enough room for everyone.  But I'll get everyone here over the summer when I can put up all the tables outside and have the entire new found family together.

With my Mum's coming wedding/marriage, I'm so looking forward to expanding our family.  I'm gaining a stepfather/grandfather(for my kids) who's just so loving and warm, accepting and understanding, I'm gaining two new stepbrothers who are both wonderful and funny.  One of whom has a beautiful lady in his life that I have become fast friends with.  She's like a sister already.  I'm gaining a stepsister who is fun loving, hardworking, and a lady with a huge heart.  So I'm adopting all of these people into my family and I can't wait!

This is going to be a wonderful year.  If Easter was any indication, we're all in for a heck of a ride.  And it's all going to be wonderful!

And the big news is....

We had a proposal.  We were asked to consider to 2 biological sisters.

We considered them.  We read all their information and came to a decision.

We said no.

It broke our hearts to say no to such beautiful, sweet little girls, but we were not the right family for them.
Their needs were more than we could supply.

This is the heartbreaking side of adoption.  But...it's better to say no in the beginning before bonds are made than to have the adoption disrupt later.

Adoption disruption is a fact of life.  It's heartbreaking for everyone involved.  But when the decision is made before hand the children don't know about it and don't suffer the rejection.

So while my family is feeling sad that we weren't able to say yes to these children we believe that God will bring their forever family to them soon, and that He will bring our next children to us soon, too.

Onward and upward for everyone involved.  Stay tuned....

What a Week....

It's been a week.  A week of good news and potential great news.
The good news is that I saw my transplant specialist and was given a clean bill of health.  My kidney transplant is functionally well (praise the Lord!) and the breathing issue and facial tick that goes with it are due to a magnesium deficiency.  I can deal with that!  Magnesium supplements added to my list and things will be back to normal in no time.  Yay for the good news!

The potential great news is...well I'll tell you next week when we know for sure!

The boys and I attended my great nephew's 8th birthday party yesterday. What a great time we had.  My sister helped me with the little one and we got to stay for the whole party except for 20 minutes, when the little one was cooked.  He needed to go have his nap.  But there were about 20 boys and girls in the local rec centre and a great time was had by all.

Leaving the party I had a bit of a rough moment when my oldest didn't see my hand in the car door and closed it on my fingers.  I screamed for someone to open the door and when the panic died down, my fingers were freed and nothing was broken!  My poor little man felt so bad.  But I assured him I wasn't upset with him in anyway and I have to learn not to put my fingers in the door!  He's agreed to look before he closes the door now, too.  Unfortunately, my little one got very scared with Mama screaming the way I was and I had to reassure him that I was OK.  My sister inspected my hand and I assured her that I was fine too.  So except for that, it was a wonderful Saturday.

Well this is a short entry but I'm tired (magnesium, sodium, and iron deficiencies) will do that to a person, so I'm going to sign off and go to bed early and await the arrival of my favorite day of the week.  MONDAY!

Sorrowful Sunday...

Today is a day that I can't wait to end.  Sounds bad right?  It wasn't bad, but hard.  Let me tell you a bit about it.

Today started out like any other Sunday in our home.  Hubby and I got up and had our time together.  Then we got the oldest up to get showered, dressed and have breakfast.  After breakfast he has to sit nicely and stay clean until his Nana picks him up for church.  The little one gets up and has his breaky and gets to spend the day playing with Mama and Daddy.  So nothing wrong and nothing out of whack.

Around 12:30pm today an overwhelming feeling of sadness washed over me.  I don't know if I told you but a friend of mine passed away a week ago.  He and I hadn't been in touch in many, many years but I had kept track of him and knew where he was and how he was, mostly.  I was really looking forward to seeing him this July at our 25th Grad reunion.  I won't get to now and neither will all his classmates.  By the way, this man was the guy in school that everybody loved and he loved everybody.  He was everybody's friend.  He was wonderful.  His celebration of life took place at 1:00pm today.  So it was about 12:30 when the feeling hit me.  Like a blow to the stomach, and I just couldn't shake it.  I knew what it was and I just started praying.  Praying for everyone who knew and loved this man.  I can't imagine how his Mum and Dad must be suffering.  His passing was unexpected and oh so sudden.  He has two sisters as well.  They have families too.  Apparently his 10 year old niece stood up and spoke from her heart.  I couldn't have done something like that.  I couldn't do it at my Dad's service and I was in my 30's.

I didn't make it to the service.  I tried.  No one to watch my kids.  But I'm OK with that, because I believe that we're all where we're meant to be when God wants us to be there.  So for some reason I wasn't supposed to be at that celebration of life.  I accept it, but I don't necessarily like it.

So today's post has nothing to do with adoption, only that once again I'm very much looking forward to Monday as my favorite day of the week.  I'm going to put this day to bed and say a final prayer for my friend who passed and his family and friends, and say good night to Sunday.

Maybe tomorrow will bring news of a match.  I can pray for that too.

Matching Event...

Yesterday the hubby and I attended an adoption matching event.  The matching event is a day of approved prospective adoptive parents and adoption/guardianship workers coming together to find families for children ready for adoption.

Yesterday's event was awesome!  The energy in the room was high and positive.  The children presented by their workers were all adorable and ready to go to their forever homes.  The children presented at these events are typically older, higher special needs, harder to place children.  The parents present are generally ready to accept these children.

My hubby and I were feeling a little discourage by the time we had our lunch break and then we did our introduction.  The parents are all asked (it's not mandatory) to stand up and say a bit about themselves, to the give the workers an idea of who they are and who they might be looking to add to their families.  Hubby and I seemed to do alright with our introduction.  We had the room laughing, while (hopefully) imparting enough information about ourselves to make the workers want to get to know us better and place children with us.

There were a couple of sibling groups that caught our eye and our hearts and we've narrowed it down to one possibility now we wait and see.  The worker of the children we've decided we're interested in learning more about was very excited about us too.  The only thing we don't know at this point is if she was excited about us for this particular sibling group or about other children she has in her care.  We'll see I guess.

So after lunch my spirits lifted and it was due greatly in part to my friend C.  She's also my supervisor and she was so helpful with her comments and encouragement in helping us speak to workers that I don't think I've ever felt quite so positive coming through one of these events.  Thank you C!

I can't wait to hear from our worker today to see if anyone has made inquiries about us.

Keeping our fingers crossed that this is our time.

Thanking God....

For all of my blessings!  To name just a few I'll start with the earthquake last night.  4.4 magnitude and I never felt a thing.  Thank you God for keeping us safe and not letting it be like the one in Japan.
My friend is sitting in a hospital with her 17 year old son waiting for him to have lung surgery because he's now considered chronic for spontaneous pneumothorax.  He's had 2 inside the last 9 months.  I know how that Mum feels not being able to take away her son's pain.  As mothers that's our greatest wish and our greatest inability.  We can't take our children's pain away even though we'd give anything to be able.

I'm so thankful that my special needs children are comparatively healthy.  I rarely have to experience the helpless feeling of not being able to take away my children's pain.  Thank you God for giving me healthy children.

I'm thankful for my husband who knows me inside and out and understands me in all my moods. Thank you God for giving me a partner in this life who loves you like I do.

I'm thankful for my family.  My mother, my sister, my brother and all of their counterparts.  Each one of them holds a special place in my heart no matter what our relationship is at any given moment.

I'm thankful for my friends.  God has given me a bushel of friends who accept me for who I am and whom I accept for who they are.  Some are travelling a similar path through adoption, some are here in my present from my past, some are here for my future.  No matter what the timing of their arrival in my life (or possibly their departure) I'm thankful for each and every one of them.

Having read my friends blog about her and her son in hospital, I realized that today is my Thanksgiving.  I need to remember to have Thanksgiving everyday.

Today is another special day.  It's my nephew's birthday.  It's the first day of Spring.  What a wonderful day!
Thank you God for this day.

Happy St. Patty's Day....

Today has been a wonderful day.  It's St. Patrick's day.  It's my beautiful cousins birthday and her name happens to be Patty.  Well Patricia to most, but to me she's always been Patty.

Patty is just 4 months older than myself but so much more wise and street smart.  Patty and I are cousins.  Not by birth, but by adoption of sorts.  Our mothers have been friends since they were young girls and Patty and I grew up together, and then drifted apart for many years and then found each other again just this past November.

Patty is here in my hometown now.  She's on her own and figuring out her life.  Patty has had an interesting life.  Many ups and downs, some of which most of us only see movies about.  Here she is back in my life and making things interesting.  My boys love her, and that lets me know that she's OK now.  My boys are very wary of strangers and she is a stranger to them.  But they aren't wary of her at all.  They are head over heels in love with her.  She walks in the door and play time comes alive!  Patty is a well rounded adult who embraces her inner child and gives in to the whimsy she sees in my kids.

So today is Patty's birthday.  We had a lunch time party for her.  I don't think I have ever seen such pure, unadulterated joy on an adults face as I saw on hers.  The pure love and appreciation that she gave us in return for our love in celebrating her birthday can never be out done by anyone.

My Mum and her fiancée, my 2 boys, and myself had a lovely lunch, shared in a wonderful chocolate cake, and sang happy birthday to her.  We had fun.  She enjoyed her cards and her gifts.  But most of all she enjoyed being with us.  Her adopted family.  It was truly a wonderful day.  The greatest gift today was the one I received.  I received the gift of love from my family.  I missed my husband being with us because he had to work, but just being able to provide a day of fun and family for one who is missing her family, was just the best gift anyone could have given me.

The old adage it's better to give than to receive is true, but the joy one receives from giving of oneself just makes it seem like an oxymoron.  I don't think there truly is such a thing as an unselfish act.  When you give of yourself the pure joy you get is the best gift of all.

So look around you; those we call family aren't necessarily those who were born to us.  Most of us have family that are born to us but the people we cherish and love the most are those we choose to have in our lives.  We adopt those 'family' members who aren't born to us.  Blood doesn't make you family, love does.

Who's in your family?

Our Journey continues...

So once again, it's been awhile.  So much is going on.  There's 3 children...possibly.  My computer crashed yesterday.  My Mum is getting married...but you knew that.  Second term of home school is finished.  The 2 year old is gaining speech daily.  We were under a tsunami warning.

So, my computer crashed.  I was devastated!  My whole life is on my computer and I was certain that my hubby had destroyed my life.  Well not my life but all my business, volunteer business for the AFA BC, my personal business etc.  All of my pictures of my kids are on here too!  That was the part I was most scared of.  I was terrified I'd lose all the pictures of my babies.  But thanks to a local computer repair shop my 'life' was saved!  I couldn't be more grateful.  The young man came to my house at 9:30 this morning and returned my computer at 5:00pm this evening!  And the price was so right.  He did an amazing job and all my 'business' is fully intact.  My computer is running better than it ever has too!  So thank you for the fantastic service and wonderful job, well done!

My mum is getting married.  I know I told you about that before.  But it's getting exciting.  Plans are moving forward and everyone knows their jobs and the food is pretty much all planned out.  We're on our way.  Mum's day is going to be beautiful, just like her!

So today we were under a tsunami warning/advisory.  I wasn't worried about that too much because the big wave we were expecting had come and gone very uneventfully by 7:00am today.  But what did and does have me worried is the cause of the tsunami warning.  Japan got hit with an 8.9 earthquake today/last night.  Devastating!  Then a few hours after the tidal wave hit them, they had another 6.? earthquake.  Those poor people.  I've been praying all day for the Japanese and all who were there.  I haven't heard about a death toll yet and I'm scared it's going to be very high.  I know people are going to be devastated by the material loss (I would be too) but it's the human loss that has me upset.  We can replace our material possessions but we can't replace our loved ones.  So if you're reading this go gather your loved ones and hug them tight and tell them how much you love them.  You never know when it might be the last time.  Morbid, I know, but necessary.  We don't tell our loved ones that we love them enough.  Remember to do it daily.

On to something more pleasant.  The second term of the school year has come to a close today.  We have to hand in all our son's work on Monday.  I'm so proud of my boy.  He has worked hard and learned so much more than he would have this year if we'd left him in his public school.  Now don't misunderstand me, we are not saying that the school was at fault, just that the system is lacking when it comes to varying the way they teach children who learn differently.  Besides that aspect we've needed this year to help our son develop coping skills for his anger and frustration.  Emotions that are triggered very easily for him.  So we've got his emotions under control as well as his ability to recognize the signs they are coming and he can now remove himself from situations and practice his coping skills.  I'm so very proud of him!

  Maybe 3 babies.  Our worker has informed us that there may be 3 little ones that could be a match for us.  There is part of the birth family that is being studied but if that doesn't pan out the children's worker will contact our worker and see if we are a fit.  So while I pray for the people of Japan, I also pray that these precious babies will go to the home that is best for them.  Does it sound like my hopes are up?  Nope they're not.  I've been doing this a long time and I know that when it's meant to be it will be.  I have learned how to stay firmly planted on terra firma.

Well, that's it for now.  I'm off to have a nice dinner with my hubby and enjoy our quiet evening together.
Until next time...

Been Awhile Again...

Hello!  Long time no talk.  Sorry about that.  These past couple of weeks has been a bit rough.  Emotionally.  We've had to overcome the illness that was running rampant in our home and deal with the announcement that my Mum is getting married.  Deal with the announcement? you may ask.  Yes.

My Dad has been gone from this life for 8 years.  I took a long time to grieve his passing.  He was my best friend and my greatest inspiration before my kids.  He was my rock and my hero.  He kept me grounded in reality when I had pipe dreams and my encouragement when I felt like I might fail in my achievable endeavours.  To say that I still miss him is the understatement of the century.  But I have come to terms with his passing and I know that he is proud of me from up in heaven.  So now my Mum is getting married.  I thought my husband and I had a whirlwind romance.  Let me tell you their story.

My mum and her intended have known one another (actually our whole family has) for 40+ years.  This gentleman is a very very good friend of my mum's brother for many, many years.  He was my math teacher in high school and is very well known and respected in our community.  About 6 years ago my mum took on a housekeeping position for this man and his wife.  Now I know you're thinking uh oh.  But no.  They are both very strong Christians and would never entertain such thoughts.  So anyway, this mans wife passed away last year.  She'd fought a brave battle of illness for many years.  She passed away with her family and very much loved.  She passed in the spring of 2010.  Just before Christmas 2010 my mum started mentioning silly little comments and gestures the gentleman was making to her and I informed her that he was testing the waters to see if she was interested in dating him.  She assured me that wasn't what was happening.  Well in the first or 2nd week of January she announced that they were dating.  I laughed and said 'told you so!'.  It wasn't 3 weeks later that she told me he was talking about marriage.  It didn't surprise me.  He's a few years older than mum and lonely.  He'd felt alone for many years with his wife needing to be in a care facility he was, essentially, living alone.  He was loyal and devoted and very much in love with his wonderful wife.  He's also ready to move forward with his life.  Fast forward a couple of weeks and it's Valentine's Day and the morning after I got a call from my Mum telling she was engaged and the wedding would be in August or September.  Talk about a whirlwind.  I'll say one thing for this guy, when he makes a decision nothing stops him.

So, now I've gone from knowing they were eventually going to get engaged and married to having to wrap my head around my mum merely dating to fully engaged and planning her wedding.  Now don't misunderstand I'm thrilled beyond all belief for my mum and her beau!  It's just a completely different story from knowing something is going to happen to having it become a reality before you were told it would.  So I gave myself 24 hours to explore my thoughts and feelings and then delve head long into helping my Mum and her intended plan a beautiful wedding day.  These two people are at a time in their lives where to find a compatible companion can be challenging and they found each other.  That is a fact that makes me very happy.  I get to stand beside my mum and witness her marriage and have her know that she has my full support and love.  Her happiness, and no longer lonely, means the world to me and I'm blessed to be able to stand with her.  So yes I had to 'deal' but it's all good when you know that your surviving parent isn't going to spend the rest of their lives alone and lonely.

So Mum, if one of your friends lets you see this, know that I love you and am so honoured to be your matron of honour, standing beside you and showing you how much I approve of this marriage.

So you're probably wondering what this has to do with adoption.  Nothing.  Just what's going on in my life right now.  I suppose if I stretch my mind a little I could say that because I have 2 siblings, and the gentleman has 3 adult children that adoption of each other enters into it for us to become one big happy family but....no.  I don't want to.  I know his kids and they're lovely people and we'll all be friends eventually.  But this marriage doesn't include adoption.  It's just two families joining together...it's not like we're the Brady Bunch will all be living together.  But I can see our family gatherings growing in number and being more fun. 

So the boys are doing well.  Everybody is mostly over the sickness.  We have a couple of symptoms hanging on, like the cough and the sore throat, but we're mostly all good.  We're working to restore order and routine and that's proving challenging for the oldest because while I was sick for the month and Daddy was sick but going to work, Nana was here looking after us all and no school work got done.  He's not liking getting back into it.  I'm trying to convince him that it's only a couple of weeks of work left and then he gets another break.  He doesn't believe me.  But I think he'll believe me when we hand in all his books and we don't make him do school work for a couple weeks again.

As for our next adoption, no news yet.  :(

Happy Valentine's Day....

Considering today is my favorite day of the week, what better day for Valentine's Day to fall?
We had a beautiful, quiet day to celebrate and revel in our love.  Sort of.

We're all still very, very ,very sick.  Not one of us spent the day being happy and playful, but quiet and cuddly.  Isn't it awful that I wish I could find a way to make my children cuddly like they are when they are ill?  Of course I don't want them to be ill, I want them to be cuddly!

My 7 year old cuddles with one person and one person only, his Nana.  No idea why only Nana but only Nana.  It bothered him to no end today that Nana left after I got home from my doctor's appointment to go and cook a lovely dinner for her new beau!  How dare she have a life!  My 7 year old certainly felt that way.  Although both my husband and I are home, sick, but home and ready, willing and able to cuddle him, he chose to sit on a love seat by himself cuddled under my comforter and with my pillow.  We tried to coax him but to no avail.

Our 2 year old wanted nothing more than to cuddle today.  All day.  We couldn't get him to eat and only to drink sparsely.  But he'll be OK too of that I'm certain.  This nasty para influenza and Influenza B have got a hold on this little family and it is resisting letting go with all it's might.  But I think we're winning.  I think today's love fest may have helped us all turn a corner.

So while I don't necessarily go in for all the commercialism of Valentine's day, I'll certainly take a day that lands on my favorite day of the week and is supposed to be all about love and cherish it for what it is.  But remember, love isn't reserved for one day a year, why not make every day Valentine's day.  There's so many children in this world who've never had a Valentine's day, why not make tomorrow Valentine's for a new love in your life?

Happy Valentine's Day!

FASD and Secondary Disabilities workshop.

This past Saturday my husband and I attended a wonderful workshop on FASD and it's secondary disabilities.  The speaker was Dr. Diane Russell.  What a wonderful lady and wealth of knowledge she is!

Dr. Russell is a neuropsychologist who specializes in working with people with FASD.  I find it amazing every time I attend a workshop on FASD how much I still don't know even though I live with 2 children afflicted with this type of brain damage.  This lady talked about the secondary disabilities that seem to come with the FASD diagnosis.  What it all boiled down to is that there really are no secondary disabilities with FASD only concurrent ones.

FASD quite often comes with ADHD, OCD, ODD as well as a bunch of others.  These are all brain issues.  They can all be caused by alcohol consumed during pregnancy.  They're all a form of brain damage.

Unfortunately a lot of FASD (and it's concurrent diagnoses) characteristics manifest as behavioural issues.  We all like to think if we can curb the behaviours we've got a lock on the disorder.  It's not true.  It's brain damage.  It's not a case of a child/adult with FASD not wanting to change behaviours, but a case of CAN'T change the behaviours.  Those parts of the brain are missing or dead.

Knowing how these disorders work is how we learn to parent children with these diagnoses.  Understanding that what quite often looks like willfulness is nothing more than the person just not having the ability to modify the behaviours.  Parenting children with FASD is a life in repetition.  It's like the movie Groundhog Day.  Everyday you wake up with your child and know you're going to have to repeat all the same lessons from the day before.  Hoping that one day there will be a CLICK and the child will suddenly get it!  Then you can move on to the next day.  Sorry folks it's just not likely to happen.  Children with FASD are not hopeless though.  Depending on the severity of  the impact on the brain, most of these children are very intelligent, good problem solvers (even when the solution makes absolutely no sense to an onlooker), and very creative.  They also have high anxiety.  In my 2 sons my oldest is academically very intelligent, but lacks social skills and street smarts.  At 7 years old we still have to grab him in parking lots because he'll dart right out into traffic.  But ask him to tell you about tornadoes and how they're formed and you'll get a 10 minute lesson in all things tornado's.

My 2 year old is a physical dynamo.  He has good problem solving skills, but is verbally delayed at this point.  Comprehension is high but responding is less than average.  We've had to empty our living room and dining room of all things breakable because he is very adept at moving furniture and climbing to reach what we thought was put out of sight and out of mind.  We were wrong.  So we adapt to him.  Consequences mean nothing to him either.

If you're considering adoption please make sure when you check that box on the application that says you're willing to accept FASD that you go and spend time with a family raising FASD children.  You can't fully appreciate what this disorder entails until you've lived it.  The books are wonderful but they don't run circles around you....physically or verbally.

Parenting these children is frustrating and rewarding. Extreme sense of humour is a must!  But you must be prepared.  If you get a chance to attend a workshop with Dr. Russell, or Brenda McCreight, or Kim Barthel, do it!  You'll find yourself enjoying the learning experience and you'll probably find yourself thinking that you just might be up to the task. 

Still Alive....Sort of....

Hello All!  I know it's been a while since I've written and now I'll tell you why.

In case you were wondering, yes, I'm still alive!  At least in the physical sense.  I've been ill.  Now being ill is horrible all by itself.  But when you're a mum it's even worse.  When you're a mum to 2 special needs children (and with each child after that it gets considerably worse I have to imagine) it's even worse than that!  When you're single and sick you can wallow in the self pity and take care of yourself or whine enough to have someone else come take care of you, but when you're a mum you're just not allowed to be sick!

I'm a very lucky mum though.  I have a wonderful mother who still thinks of me as her little girl and comes to care for my kids while I sleep or rest.  I have a fantastic husband who looks after the kids so I can rest and get better.  Together this team makes it easy for me to do what I need to do to get back to the business of mothering.  With them here I can rest and push the fluids (peppermint tea is my fluid of choice) and cough and hack until the cows come home.  I can hide in my bedroom, if I want to, and know that my kids are safe and well cared for. 

But what do I do when my whole family goes down within 24 hours of me going down?  Well...we muddle through.  We've had offers of friends to come help, to bring groceries, to bring medicine but we've gratefully declined.  We couldn't let anyone else catch what we've got.
Friday night I had my sick hubby take me to the emergency room with what I thought was a really bad flu (I even had the flu shot) and the beginning of an ear infection.  Turns out it was a bad chest infection and an ear infection.  Antibiotics for me. 

So today is day 2 on the meds and I'm feeling...about the same.  A little more clear headed as I stay away from the Tylenol 3's for the pain and just suck it up.  But my hubby and my kids are down big time with fevers and chills, coughs and nausea.  Time to step up the Mummy role.
No time to be sick when the family needs you.  Thank heaven it seems my Mum is going to get away unscathed!  I even kept her away today.

So as my time as a Mum marches on I'm learning more and more each day that this is the life I chose when I was 5 years old.  I know for certain that I chose wisely.  I remember my Nanny (grandmother) asking me when I was 5 what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I told her I wanted to be a Mummy and a nurse.  I wasn't wrong.  When you're a Mummy you also have to be a nurse, and a doctor, and a chef, and a maid etc. etc.

Yes, I chose well.  I love my life, I could live without the illnesses or at the very least without my family getting ill, I'll take it all just to keep those beautiful faces I love so much, just smiling. 

Frustrated...

Here I am again, kind of lost as to what to write about.  Lots of things have been going on but, some are too personal, some are too boring, some are just whining.  So what do I tell you about today?  Frustrations I guess.

I'm frustrated these days.  Frustrated about a lot of things.  We're playing the waiting game in our adoption and I've hit the discouragement stage.  We met with our SW last Monday and we asked about a sibling group.  This particular group is one we enquired about before Christmas but were told they were on a temporary hold due to new information.  OK.  So we asked about them again.  Now it's Thursday and it's 4 days since our worker was supposed to have contacted their worker.  Nothing.  Nada. Zip.  Nil.  I HATE waiting!  How am I dealing with it?  I'm not.  I'm wallowing in the frustration and discouragement.  Not a good thing at all.  I'm even too down to pretend I'm not.  You know, fake it 'til you make it?  I will be over it next week.  It's the way I operate.  I wallow and trudge through it and then get over it.  Takes about a week. 

My little one keeps coming over to me and giving me hugs and kisses and asking, "Mama 'k?"  2 year old-ese for are you OK Mama? LOL
I smile and tell him that I am now.  His hugs and kisses have a healing property.  In the moment I'm good.  My oldest just keeps reminding me it's about God's timing.  I think the problem is that this time I'm doing something I've never done before.  Even before I saw this group's picture I KNEW what they looked like.  I KNEW who they were.  I saw it all so clearly in my mind.  These children live nowhere near me, yet I knew them.  Just from a couple of paragraphs on a web page.  Even our worker stated that they looked familiar.  They really resemble our boys.  This time I've been picturing what our family would look like with them in it.  What we would all do together, how we would all get along.  I think that if their worker says no to us that I'm going to have to go through the grieving process.  I'm not looking forward to that.  But I am praying daily that God would grant my heart this desire.

I've never felt so strongly about children before.  Our 2 boys didn't have profiles for us to look at yet the call came about them (one at a time of course) and I didn't need any information at all about them I just knew they were ours.  It's like that with these kids.  They already feel like ours.  I'm hoping my hubby finds a way to pull me back down to earth so I don't fall too hard if the call comes that we can't adopt them.

So that's my biggest frustration these days.  It's one that all adoptive parents know and understand.  The waiting game is horrible.  When you're in the application, AEP, home study processes, you have something to blame.  You have more steps to complete before you're eligible to adopt.  But once you've completed all your steps there's nothing left to blame.  You're just waiting.  You have to find ways to occupy your mind so that your focus is on something other than your phone not ringing!  So I know that come next week, Monday to be precise, I will start a new week and have something else to focus on.  Two sets of friends and their adoptions.

We have two sets of friends who are at different stages in the proposal process.  One set meets their new children for the first time in the next 10 days or so, and the other set are making a final decision as to whether or not to move forward with their proposal for another child.

The first set is anxious and excited because they've been waiting since October to move forward and meet their new kids.  These are first time adoptive parents and the whole process has been overwhelming and now it's finally happening for them.  We're very excited for them!  It's a good thing for me to focus on.

So, if you meet me on the street and I don't seem quite myself, now you know why.
Have a wonderful day and I'll keep you posted!

Insomnia...

Hi.  Here I sit at 1:00 am wondering why I'm sitting here at this hour.  I have insomnia...again.  This happens on occasion and I hope it's just tonight.  Usually it's 2 or 3 nights, but I've been known to go on this way for a couple of weeks at a time.  Normally it doesn't bother me too much, but tomorrow (or rather today) is going to be a very busy day.

Today we are meeting with our SW first thing in the morning to go through the bulletin.  We're so anxious to find our next sibling group.  I'm sure this is a big part of why I'm not sleeping.  I have my eye on a group of children whose profile sounds wonderful and their issues don't sound all that frightening.  That could be because they don't appear to have much of a chance of having FASD and that would be somewhat of a relief, or that their ages are perfect to meld in with our family.  I don't know for sure but the very first time I read their profiles I was taken by them.

After our meeting we have a whole day of homeschooling to get through.  Our oldest isn't feeling well and he's had 2 days off.  Not a good combo for a kid who's already fighting getting back into the routine.  But Daddy is teaching today so I'll at least get a break from that struggle.  Then there's the little one.  I'm happy to have the day to play with him, but being that I'm up now I'm hoping that my wonderful husband is going to go to Starbucks after our morning meeting and just get me an IV.  I'm going to need it to keep my energy level up in a range that my 2 and half year old will find acceptable.  He gets rather grumpy when Mama doesn't play exactly how he wants me!  Yes my child is spoiled and I'm OK with that.

Then this evening we have our first support group meeting of the year!  I'm extremely excited about this too!  There are developments I can't wait to hear about and hopefully we'll have one of our own to share.  Again at this point in the day I KNOW my wonderful husband will be heading for Starbucks in order to get me that IV. 

There is so much to look forward to today that it's obviously just keeping me awake. 

See?  This is why I love Mondays.  There's always something exciting happening on the first day of the week.  It's that guaranteed fresh start.
I don't mind the insomnia when there's a good reason for it!

Happy New Year!...

To all our friends and family!  We sincerely hope that 2011 is the year that sees all of your trials and tribulations end.  We hope that whatever your wish for the year is granted.  We hope that everyone who is waiting for their new children meet them soon and bring them home!  After all that's all a child really wants.  A family to call their own and to know that there are people in this world who will be there for them forever!

So far the new year is starting out good and not so good.  The good part is that we are all happy and healthy.  The not so good part is our very expensive boiler system (furnace) went kaput and there isn't anybody around here who knows how to fix it!  The other not so good part is that our oldest is having a very hard time getting back into the routine of homeschooling.  Which is also trying my patience terribly.  ( A wise woman once told me that I should never pray for patience because God will just give me more ways to practice it. LOL  She was right!)  I've also had to cancel a very important appointment with a specialist 3 times now because I got sick and the uncertainty of the weather.

So, with that stuff out of the way (for blogging) I'll move on to good stuff.

In less than a week we are meeting with our SW to go through the bulletin and hopefully find some children that we may be able to adopt.  We're so ready.  Our oldest asks almost daily when we're going to bring home another brother and a couple of sisters for him and his little brother.  It's so hard to keep telling him that we don't know and that we just have to trust that God will bring them to us when it's the right time.  Our son is awesome!  He just tells me, 'that's right Mum.  When God decides it's time, then it's time and we'll just go get them!'

I'm really happy too that in less than a week we start our regular adoption support group meetings again for the year.  I miss our group through winter break.  Even though I saw most of them at our Christmas party.  That was a fun time.  Watching all of our kids playing together and the grown ups playing like children.  What a sight to behold!

Even with the financial strain we're feeling right now (yes that comes under the not so good category) I wish there was time for hubby and I to go out for our date night.  We have the sweetest little babysitter that comes in when we're just doing a date night.  She's 13 and so very awesome with our boys.  She just adores them.  It's also wonderful that when she's here both boys are so tuckered out from playing with her that they sleep soundly through the night and sleep in the next day!  Have I mentioned that I absolutely love our Jenny?!  (Jenny if you're reading this tell your Mum and Dad that I think they're awesome parents for having raised such a wonderful daughter!)
Soon we'll have you over again and then everyone will be happy!

Monday is usually my favorite day of the week.  I've mentioned that before in a previous post.  But yesterday was NOT my favorite day.  My oldest decided that he was not letting go of last week and carried it over to yesterday.  Today has been better but tomorrow will be better still.  On Sunday my youngest decided that instead of taking his nap he would redecorate his room!  His choice of artistic material?  You got it!  Rather, he got it...EVERYWHERE!  On the walls, on the heat register, all over his dresser, his door, carpeting covered, bed, bedding, stuffies, toys...you name it he painted it!  What a joy that was!  It took 3 adults to get his room back in order.  But it's done now and we move forward.  Nothing left to do but laugh it off!  Oh he was a very proud artist!

So there you have my first week and a bit of the new year.  Hope yours is going better! 

Remember, when life hands you lemons, just say pass the salt and the tequila!  (OK OK anyone who knows me knows I don't drink, so go ahead and set up a lemon-aid stand instead. ;))