For more families than just mine!
I've been listening to some families talk and confusion about many issues is arising.
For my family it's confusion about who our social worker is. Who do we turn to when we have questions about why we haven't heard a single peep about our next children? We essentially have 2 workers but we don't know which one does what. I've started a conversation with one worker to see if I can unravel the cords of confusion.
I've heard another family is dealing with confusion on why it took so long to get their homestudy finished when they were supposedly fast tracked to start the process of adopting a specific child/ren. All of a sudden they're approved but for only one low risk child, then when they question it they are no longer approved, then when they bring up misinformation in their homestudy they are approved again but not for the child/ren they were applying for. Now they're facing all sides of the process to get things straightened out and figured out on where they stand.
I've had many people tell me that they thought that adoption is the easy way to build a family. To them I say HAH! It's not. Believe me when I say that to adopt requires more love, patience, and dedication than you can imagine. You have to go through a process that makes you examine yourself and those around you with such close scrutiny that you sometimes start to wonder if you're good enough, strong enough, willing to go through the entire process. Most people can have a child in 10 months. In adoption you're generally facing a year plus. Our first adoption process took 2 and half years. Our second, 1 and a half years. We're now on our third journey and we're already 13 months since our homestudy was approved but we've been working toward that since August 12th 2009. Tell me again how easy this process is.
The adoption journey is full of emotions with confusion being one of the greatest, in my eyes. But it's a journey I wouldn't change for all the money in the world. Confusion and all!
Have a great night and God Bless.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Today...
Has been interesting. During the week it's just me and the little one until 3:05PM. During that time my little one and I have fun. I mean laughing out loud, rolling around on the floor, playing with cars and trucks, playing hide and go seek kind of fun! All with TreeHouse on in the background. I can't change that channel or all our fun goes out the window and the temper tantrum starts. Then 3:05PM rolls around and the front door flies open and my oldest comes running in. That's when my pretty easy going day goes the way of the Dodo bird.
When my oldest comes through the front door my little one goes absolutely wild! He spends his day playing with his mama, but he misses his big brother so much that when he gets home everything and everyone else cease to exist. He idolizes that 8 year old boy. The 8 year old boy is happy to see his little brother but he has things to do and wishes for some quiet time of his own to unwind from his hard day at school.
My oldest spends his day focusing really hard on being well behaved so he doesn't get in trouble at school. This is something that most, if not all, FASD kids do at school. When he gets home he knows he's safe and just wants a few moments to himself to completely let go and unwind the corkscrew that has wound up in his body from working hard all day.
That's where I come in. I have to physically restrain my little one to just hugging his big brother and not letting him knock him to the ground and wrestle with him. My little one looks like a mini wrestler! Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. But daily my 8 year old takes our little Roxie (our chihuahua) out for a run and a potty break, and then comes in and makes a bee-line for his upstairs bedroom where he can just be himself...alone. So far it seems to be working for my oldest. I wish there was a way to keep him in the livingroom with me and the little one but to do that the little one would have to remain calm. That's not in his agenda for his day.
Now everyone is in bed and sleeping peacefully and my hubby and I are enjoying our quiet time together. I'm writing and hubby is watching one of his favorite shows. And NO it's NOT on TREEHOUSE!!!!
Have a great night and God Bless!
When my oldest comes through the front door my little one goes absolutely wild! He spends his day playing with his mama, but he misses his big brother so much that when he gets home everything and everyone else cease to exist. He idolizes that 8 year old boy. The 8 year old boy is happy to see his little brother but he has things to do and wishes for some quiet time of his own to unwind from his hard day at school.
My oldest spends his day focusing really hard on being well behaved so he doesn't get in trouble at school. This is something that most, if not all, FASD kids do at school. When he gets home he knows he's safe and just wants a few moments to himself to completely let go and unwind the corkscrew that has wound up in his body from working hard all day.
That's where I come in. I have to physically restrain my little one to just hugging his big brother and not letting him knock him to the ground and wrestle with him. My little one looks like a mini wrestler! Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. But daily my 8 year old takes our little Roxie (our chihuahua) out for a run and a potty break, and then comes in and makes a bee-line for his upstairs bedroom where he can just be himself...alone. So far it seems to be working for my oldest. I wish there was a way to keep him in the livingroom with me and the little one but to do that the little one would have to remain calm. That's not in his agenda for his day.
Now everyone is in bed and sleeping peacefully and my hubby and I are enjoying our quiet time together. I'm writing and hubby is watching one of his favorite shows. And NO it's NOT on TREEHOUSE!!!!
Have a great night and God Bless!
Monday, November 28, 2011
I've Been Away....
From my writing. I apologize to those of you who've been wondering where I got to. I've been here, right at home, but struggling with some of the issues my children have and trying to find a way to actually cope with the waiting for our new children. We've also had some issues to deal with where our SW is concerned. We still don't have one...well...we do and we don't.
So, first of all my children's issues. Our oldest is doing pretty well. He's had a couple of minor skirmishes at school which he's handled well, and when he comes home he suddenly thinks he's the parent of his little brother. That is a minor issue to deal with. We just keep reminding him that he's not the parent and that we are and he can go ahead and just be a kid and big brother. He doesn't have to worry about the grown up responsibilities that he's tried to take on. He's getting there and we're proud of him.
This year back in public school he's doing so well. We get notes and calls from his teacher and his principal telling us how proud of him they are and just how well he's doing and how quickly he settled into the routine. We're all so very proud of him!
Then there's our little one. Well now, his behaviours leave something to be desired. He's all over the map! Taking him out of the house is completely exhausting and at times quite embarrassing, but we're overcoming the embarrassment and learning to ignore the general public who just don't know what's going on. I heard about making a business size card that tells people your child is special needs and that at the moment you need all your energy and attention for your child, but if they'd like to learn more they can call you. It has your name and phone number and you just hand it to those who are staring or making comments when your child/ren are crashing in public. I think I'm going to do that. Anyway, right now taking my youngest anywhere is a huge hassle. His behaviours are like that of a 2 year old only multiplied by about 10,000. The only medication we have him on is to sleep and that is causing him night terrors. So he's coming off that now. I'm going to be scheduling an appointment with our paediatrician tomorrow morning so that we can discuss other alternatives to his sleep disorder and his daytime behaviours. At home he's pretty good, just busy, but really very well behaved. Unless of course he's seeking attention, then we have to ignore him for hours on end because he doesn't give up!
So that's my daily life with my kids. All in all, not bad at all, just tiring.
So, it's been over a year now since we were approved to adopt a sibling group. We never thought it would take this long. We did have to say no to one sibling group but only because we felt we didn't have the one resource one of the children would need. We won't take a child we can't provide properly for all of their needs. It's not fair to the children or right. We are extremely picky about the professionals we allow into our children's lives. What this one child needed is here but we don't approve of the source of the help. The closest resource was too far away and would keep me from the other 3 children too many days a month. Not fair and not right.
But since that duo, there's been no others that apparently would fit with us or us with them. It's hard to believe when there are so many sibling groups available for adoption right now. But, that's the way it is and we have to accept it. It's not easy but we're focusing on our children and living for today and for not what tomorrow may bring. Live for the present. It's my daily mantra.
Our SW issue. We have a very nice temporary worker who works out of a different community and has a very large caseload. We don't think we're a priority for her. It makes us feel out of sorts. We're not close to this person like we've been with our other workers. We were at a matching event a few weeks ago and even there we noticed we weren't at the top of this worker's list. They were definitely very busy with a couple of other families that were there. We did approach one worker about a sibling group she presented, but we knew from the get go that IF we were considered at all it would only be as a back up family for the children.
So the other part of the SW issue is that we know and have met the new worker for our community. That's awesome right? No. The worker that has been hired to take over our community isn't certified/qualified to do the job yet. Which means that she can't look for matches for us or help us approach other workers. We're not even supposed to really know about her from what we've been told.
So here I sit full of confusion. Friends of ours have a different temporary worker who told them they ARE to connect with the new worker for here and have her look for matches for them and then if they find one the temporary worker will complete the rest of the steps. Confusion reigns triumphant here!
So there you have it. With all that's been going on with the kids and the worker situation and the rest of our daily lives I just haven't felt much like writing. I have a friend who also writes an adoption blog who writes daily to help her deal with her emotions and I wish I had that ability. It's something I'm going to work on. Writing daily to help me. I think it will be therapeutic. And there ain't nothing wrong with therapy!
Have a great night and I'll try to write more tomorrow.
God Bless you all!
So, first of all my children's issues. Our oldest is doing pretty well. He's had a couple of minor skirmishes at school which he's handled well, and when he comes home he suddenly thinks he's the parent of his little brother. That is a minor issue to deal with. We just keep reminding him that he's not the parent and that we are and he can go ahead and just be a kid and big brother. He doesn't have to worry about the grown up responsibilities that he's tried to take on. He's getting there and we're proud of him.
This year back in public school he's doing so well. We get notes and calls from his teacher and his principal telling us how proud of him they are and just how well he's doing and how quickly he settled into the routine. We're all so very proud of him!
Then there's our little one. Well now, his behaviours leave something to be desired. He's all over the map! Taking him out of the house is completely exhausting and at times quite embarrassing, but we're overcoming the embarrassment and learning to ignore the general public who just don't know what's going on. I heard about making a business size card that tells people your child is special needs and that at the moment you need all your energy and attention for your child, but if they'd like to learn more they can call you. It has your name and phone number and you just hand it to those who are staring or making comments when your child/ren are crashing in public. I think I'm going to do that. Anyway, right now taking my youngest anywhere is a huge hassle. His behaviours are like that of a 2 year old only multiplied by about 10,000. The only medication we have him on is to sleep and that is causing him night terrors. So he's coming off that now. I'm going to be scheduling an appointment with our paediatrician tomorrow morning so that we can discuss other alternatives to his sleep disorder and his daytime behaviours. At home he's pretty good, just busy, but really very well behaved. Unless of course he's seeking attention, then we have to ignore him for hours on end because he doesn't give up!
So that's my daily life with my kids. All in all, not bad at all, just tiring.
So, it's been over a year now since we were approved to adopt a sibling group. We never thought it would take this long. We did have to say no to one sibling group but only because we felt we didn't have the one resource one of the children would need. We won't take a child we can't provide properly for all of their needs. It's not fair to the children or right. We are extremely picky about the professionals we allow into our children's lives. What this one child needed is here but we don't approve of the source of the help. The closest resource was too far away and would keep me from the other 3 children too many days a month. Not fair and not right.
But since that duo, there's been no others that apparently would fit with us or us with them. It's hard to believe when there are so many sibling groups available for adoption right now. But, that's the way it is and we have to accept it. It's not easy but we're focusing on our children and living for today and for not what tomorrow may bring. Live for the present. It's my daily mantra.
Our SW issue. We have a very nice temporary worker who works out of a different community and has a very large caseload. We don't think we're a priority for her. It makes us feel out of sorts. We're not close to this person like we've been with our other workers. We were at a matching event a few weeks ago and even there we noticed we weren't at the top of this worker's list. They were definitely very busy with a couple of other families that were there. We did approach one worker about a sibling group she presented, but we knew from the get go that IF we were considered at all it would only be as a back up family for the children.
So the other part of the SW issue is that we know and have met the new worker for our community. That's awesome right? No. The worker that has been hired to take over our community isn't certified/qualified to do the job yet. Which means that she can't look for matches for us or help us approach other workers. We're not even supposed to really know about her from what we've been told.
So here I sit full of confusion. Friends of ours have a different temporary worker who told them they ARE to connect with the new worker for here and have her look for matches for them and then if they find one the temporary worker will complete the rest of the steps. Confusion reigns triumphant here!
So there you have it. With all that's been going on with the kids and the worker situation and the rest of our daily lives I just haven't felt much like writing. I have a friend who also writes an adoption blog who writes daily to help her deal with her emotions and I wish I had that ability. It's something I'm going to work on. Writing daily to help me. I think it will be therapeutic. And there ain't nothing wrong with therapy!
Have a great night and I'll try to write more tomorrow.
God Bless you all!
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