I've become disillusioned..

I have a home based business. I am a stay at home Mum and wanted to do something to contribute to my family's well being. 

I was introduced to a cosmetics company that is new (just turned 3 years old) and their products are naturally based. (No, I'm not selling you anything right now, but this helps make my point.) I like that. I love the products. They are incredible. Their price point is a little bit higher than say MAC but comparable to Bare Minerals and Arbonne. More than loving the products, I love the reason for the company. Their mission is to uplift, empower and validate women around the world, while providing opportunity for personal and financial growth. This young company has also started a foundation for women and children of sexual abuse. This foundation provides support and a safe place to heal. 

This is the reason I chose to do something I've never done before. Direct Sales. This company resonated with me. Most people don't know but I was a victim when I was young. I was a victim of opportunity and it didn't happen again, but the damage was still done.  Just a few years ago I got the opportunity to face my abuser and believe me he's sorry. Those who know me know I don't hold back. I didn't realize until that day the real damage that had been done. I can and will support any organization that helps women and children of abuse.

Recently I became aware of another organization that is dedicated to restoring empowerment to children of abuse and teaching them that they never have to live in fear. This is personal to me. This organization needs exposure and awareness and help in funding. (Locally. They are international but the Island Chapter is just a fledgling.)

So where does my disillusionment come in? Well, it comes in when it comes to fundraising. I am limited by my company as to where I can advertise my products and the fact that I'm looking for people (yes I include men in my ads simply because their counterparts would love surprises, and our skin care line is unisex) to host a couple of home parties with the majority of my commission going to this organization I so want to help. I will be making regular donations to my company's foundation when all the red tape is cleared, so I don't think I'm doing anything outside the realm of kindness in supporting another similar organization.
I can not get anyone to host a party. Is it really that difficult to support a friend? I am extremely supportive of my friends and their businesses, yet it seems returning the favour just isn't very high on people's priority lists. Everyone talks about 'paying it forward' but in this type of situation I'm just not seeing it. We have cyber bullies and keyboard heroes. Come to my house, come see all of the products I've bought that I don't use, want, or need, but love my friends and want them to succeed so I do my part. I've spent thousands of dollars just to help them succeed. I also spread the word about them on social media and to anyone who will listen. The big thing for me is, I do it because I care. No one has to ask me to help. I just do. 

Maybe that's my problem. Hmmm, maybe my disillusionment should be at myself.

Have a great day, and God Bless you.

This Caught My Attention...

This is a page from the book "That Parent's Tao Te Ching" 

by 

William Martin. See: The Parent's Tao Te Ching.

In case you can't read it (I've never attached a picture before) it says:

Make the Ordinary Come Alive

Do not ask your children 

to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable,

but it is a way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder

and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting

tomatoes, apples, and pears.

Show them how to cry

when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure

in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself.


You may be asking yourself how this has anything to do with

my journey through adoption.

Quite frankly I'm not sure yet. Let's see if it comes to me 

while I'm writing my other thoughts on this piece.

This quote by William Martin encompasses so much of what 

parents do without realizing they are doing it. I do not mean 

teaching about the ordinary, rather pushing their children to

achieve greatness. These parents are not bad parents, not at

all. They honestly believe they are doing what's best for their

children. They see themselves as cheerleaders, mentors,

teachers, their children's biggest supporters. They ARE!

However, what they don't realize (and I myself am guilty of 

being one of those parents until recently) is the pressure they

are putting on their child. That strive for extraordinary isn't for 

the child's sake, not really; a little bit yes, but for the parents 

ego. What parent doesn't want to brag about how fantastic

Little Johnny is at hockey? He's going to be the next Wayne

Gretzky, or Trevor Linden. We all do. We all have to stop.

What we have to focus on is our children's true abilities and 

be a real cheerleader, a real supporter in helping them 

achieve what they want, what's going to make them happy.

After all, isn't their happiness what it's ultimately all about?


I remember talking to my husband on our 2nd date about 

how I was going to build my family through adoption. It didn't 

matter to me whether or not I could

give birth to biological children, adoption was always part of 

my life plan. Strange thing to bring up on a 2nd date right?

Not for me. See from our first date (which was the night

before) I somehow knew he was the one. I had been 

married before and it wasn't good, so I decided that should

I ever decide to have another husband he would know every-

thing I wanted, everything I believed in, everything I expected

in a partner. Well, I didn't hold back. He did look at me with 

shock but he also appreciated my candor and complete 

openness. He agreed that he would be willing to look at 

adoption but that he did want to try to conceive a child, too.

Well, we got our wish. We did conceive several times. But

our babies were never meant for this earth. It was after our

3rd miscarriage that we went to meet the adoption worker.

We had looked into all of our options and we decided that

adopting through the foster care system was right for us.

We knew we were headed for children with special needs,

and therefore we got educated. We took classes on anything

we could find, we did hours upon hours of research on every 

kind of special need you could think of. Then we did the AEP.

Adoption Education Program. Then the home study, where 

we found some new conditions we hadn't considered or 

researched so we did. To make a long story longer, we 

adopted 3 highly affected children.

Each child is unique, even though the majority of their 

diagnoses are the same. "Spectrum Disorders". They 

(whoever 'they' are) aren't kidding. Spectrum is right.

One of my children presents (and always has) as extremely

intelligent. Yet when his assessments were done he came

out testing extremely low. It was explained to us that he is 

a good 'actor'. It's true! WE told them to be careful because

he will do whatever it takes to extend one on one time with 

anyone! They didn't listen. By actor they meant he could 

make anyone believe he understood something he didn't.

We already knew that, too. We, with the help of one of our

amazing therapists, had come up with a strategy to make 

sure he did understand. How does this relate to the quote?

Well this is the child I was pushing. I, apologetically now, 

pushed him so hard because I KNEW what he could/can do.

It didn't matter to me that he wasn't happy, I was only think-

ing about how great it was going to be to be able to brag to 

my friends, and strangers, how my son was a doctor, lawyer,

pilot, NASA astronaut, Premier, Prime Minister! Any one of

these would make me so proud. Even more so because he 

has these diagnoses. Of course these weren't 

conscious thoughts, well not constantly. But I never stopped

to ask him what he thought he wanted to be when he grew 

up. 

Then one day a very wise person was here when I was 

'helping' my son with his homework. She heard me pushing 

him. She heard me telling him that he could be anything he

wanted when he grew up if he'd just put the effort in now! I 

was angry with him.

She pulled me away and told my son he could go get ready 

for bed. We went outside and she asked me, "What do you

really want for 'S' when he grows up?" I said I want him to 

be happy. She said so don't you think he should be allowed 

to be happy now, too? It was in that moment that the brick 

wall hit me. Not just a single brick, but a whole wall. I was

pushing my son to make up for MY failings. What I believed

were my failings. It had nothing to do with him. I somehow,

somewhere in my mind felt that I could make up for what I

didn't accomplish by pushing my boy to do it. Me. My ego.

I took this child, who had been given to me by God, and

punished him. This precious child who was the answer to all

my hopes and dreams of having a family, this child who loved

and trusted me to be his Mummy, since he was just a one 

year old baby, and crushed his dreams for my own.


Fortunately, that child also has a very forgiving nature and he

forgave me. Now he hears me say things like, 'if you need 

help, I'm right here', 'Way to go Son! I'm so proud of you!'

He doesn't know what he wants to be yet, but it doesn't 

matter, as long as he's happy.

I am now teaching my children the wonder in the ordinary 

world. When is the last time you picked an apple off a tree 

and just took a big bite? Or a plum, or carrots out of your 

own garden? Try it, you'll be surprised how beautiful the 

world is when you look through the eyes of a child.

Have a great day, and God Bless You.

Here we are 8 more months...


Since I've written. Well, let me tell you, this has been one helluva a roller coaster ride!

Since last October there's been occasions, like Christmas Eve at my sister's, Christmas at home with Nana and Papa, New Year's Eve, and of course New Year's Day. Then there's been a few birthdays, Valentine's Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Daddy's birthday, and next is Father's Day. Whew!

So those are the good things. Like I've said before, not all sunshine and roses. There's been some pretty hard decisions to make, some really huge surprise hurdles to overcome and we're still climbing and getting a bit better everyday, therapy for the whole family.
Turns out when we originally thought the honeymoon period was over we were oh so wrong! But there's no doubt anymore! Our princess trusts us fully now. Some of the things she's told us have been incredible. Some good, some not so good, some down right horrible. But, we're working through it all.

Our oldest is doing better and better all the time. This year was his first year at middle school and next year he goes back to elementary school.  They're (the school district) restructuring our schools. One of our middle schools is being turned into an elementary while they close down the elementary school. So our oldest wasn't all that thrilled to learn that he was moving up, and now his school is being reclassified.  Oh well, like we told him only one more year there and he can move up to the high school.

We're doing OK. I don't think any parents of children with special needs can ever truly say that they are doing GREAT! Maybe for a day or maybe even a week here and there. Our kids aren't designed to work that way. 

Kids with certain conditions/issues just don't have the ability to be good all the time. It's just not in their genetic make up. Their brains aren't designed not to fight and argue at least sometimes. We all have that, but children with sensory issues, brain injuries, just don't have the ability to regulate themselves on a permanent basis. It's kind of like that senior citizen who's decided that they're entitled to be rude and spew whatever pops into their mind. No self edit button; it's kind of like that. No self edit button for behaviours. They would much rather appear bad than stupid too. That was a hard lesson for me to wrap my head around. But life got easier when I did. What may seem like willful 'bad' behaviour may actually be your child crying for help because they're feeling pressured to be perfect, or right, and right now! We can't do that to our kids. We as parents need to learn the difference between can't and won't. There is definitely 'bad' behaviour that is willful, they are kids after all. But you have to know when they are making an informed choice and when it's because they don't know what else to do. It could be something as simple as 'One of your spelling words is cat. Can you spell that for me please?' Now that child is thinking I know how but I have to think first and Mum/Dad is going to mad if I take too long. What do I do? I'll throw a temper tantrum and distract them. Although that clear thought process isn't there for them it's what's happening without their actual knowledge of it.

Wow, this post took a swift swerve didn't it? *smile*

I guess all we can do is learn the art of patience, acceptance, and empathy. I know that sounds a little more difficult, but it's doable. The real trick is to teach those who don't live in your home to be that way with your kids. Although in my personal experience people without first hand experience with kids like my own, don't tend to believe my kids can be like this (my kids are pretty much perfect angels when we're not home. ) or I get criticized and judged for being too 'hard'. But again they have no clue who my kids really are and what it takes to raise them. It's not like raising neurotypical children. The consequences you could employ with 'normal' kids will not work on a child with a brain injury. They don't have the capacity to put actions and consequences together. 
I should qualify that when I say 'they' I am speaking specifically to my own kids. Children with special needs are definitely not all the same and should never be painted with one brush. (They shouldn't be painted at all, unless of course they're playing. *wink*  )

Well, I'm going to close out with, remember to take care of yourselves first. Without you your family doesn't stand a chance, and it's not selfish!

God Bless,
Kelly