tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4441154372671225752024-02-19T08:07:47.911-08:00My Journey Through AdoptionKellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.comBlogger89125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-40597175576515516332018-02-18T09:09:00.000-08:002018-02-18T09:14:38.209-08:00School Shooting...<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In Florida has pushed me over the edge.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have borrowed a Facebook post and I have to give my opinion. Here's the post:</span><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="fsm fwn fcg" style="font-family: inherit;"><a ajaxify="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10209021469448451&set=a.1846053845618.2082701.1668833564&type=3&size=344%2C386&source=12&player_origin=profile" class="_5pcq" href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10209021469448451&set=a.1846053845618.2082701.1668833564&type=3" rel="theater" style="color: #90949c; font-family: inherit; text-decoration-line: none;" target=""><abbr class="_5ptz" data-shorten="1" data-utime="1518713610" style="border-bottom: none; text-decoration-line: none; text-decoration-style: initial;" title="02/15/2018 8:53am"><span class="timestampContent" style="font-family: inherit;">February 15 at 8:53am</span></abbr></a><span aria-hidden="true" role="presentation" style="font-family: inherit;"> · </span><a class="_5pcq" data-hovercard-prefer-more-content-show="1" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=106152016081829" href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bakersfield-California/106152016081829" style="color: #90949c; font-family: inherit; text-decoration-line: none;">Bakersfield, CA, United States</a></span></span><span aria-hidden="true" role="presentation" style="font-family: inherit;"> · </span></i></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>In the light of yesterday's horrible events I would like to point out a few observations about this child. Having taught children with emotional disturbance </i></b>f<b><i>or 13 years, I can see there are several glaring issues that need to be pointed out. </i></b></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /><span style="color: #666666;">STRIKE ONE</span><br /><span style="color: #666666;">This is an adopted child that has FAS Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (</span><a data-ft="{"tn":"-U"}" data-lynx-mode="async" data-lynx-uri="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mofas.org%2F2014%2F05%2Ffasd-and-the-criminal-justice-system%2F&h=ATNhBAmjpVmDLx0qz75T0dVZbWwZFTdenSF0gddEuqPN3XIFT_qZdZJGK2v_vM2UeZLgdTJM6KZ0AkUKQj4aqc4A6wYVkvAltu9zL74jUPXgGJrYGyLFyNj4QK8HPm-c6in7CY3Tqqk8aO_BBRu9esMIQGPHGaXWXl4qnJZHVx6Qtr4MpVC2zTy0-uljTn3Qb4UQwZCX4ml1DrJBqW0Hr79oo-5V1eeKxDoAX4OrKGwXEnNrJhJX6ipgwi3F09BCoWQX_IGP3Ghjrox_8_9gmMT9Ll8" href="https://www.mofas.org/2014/05/fasd-and-the-criminal-justice-system/" rel="noopener nofollow" style="color: #365899; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">https://www.mofas.org/…/fasd-and-the-criminal-justice-syst…/</a><span style="color: #666666;">)</span><br /><span style="color: #666666;">The shape of his head, the placement of his projecting ears, low bridge on his nose, low brow and diminished philtrum or cupids bow are glaring. This means that this child's brain was bathed in alcohol and typically other drugs during </span><span style="color: #666666;">development</span><span style="color: #666666;">. One common characteristic of these children is they have extreme difficulty controlling their emotions due to abnormal brain development: a deformed or absent corpus collosum.</span><br /><a data-ft="{"tn":"-U"}" data-lynx-mode="async" data-lynx-uri="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fonline.csp.edu%2Fblog%2Fforensic-scholars-today%2Ffasd-educators&h=ATMpNzL69Qq-SOwnMe41rikdPmt7Le63gsv6EJ1f0vO3bCmbZWLUZRSxItihyOgcJPn96cpOu4dJP0GmHXYZIYskYkZ3t0PrptD31P1jlAQDM6Ybx7anWmWTX4pGdiM9DPjqvkn2chriaTaVyUDxKnQNT2jBSwlfOLbpZMb7ViQftCC3_xg_ETbvZw9Em4sbEwlCVukR08wfLVfzSuaoAW3ZsJFV-mPSAJxfHrob1oLD0IkhxQROz23oFyajPrzHW7Mremawc-Vu2q3tTUb2Pi-XuUA" href="https://online.csp.edu/blog/forensic-scholars-today/fasd-educators" rel="noopener nofollow" style="color: #365899; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">https://online.csp.edu/…/forensic-scholars-t…/fasd-educators</a><span style="color: #666666;"> </span><br /><a data-ft="{"tn":"-U"}" data-lynx-mode="async" data-lynx-uri="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nih.gov%2Fnews-events%2Fnews-releases%2Fstudy-first-graders-shows-fetal-alcohol-spectrum-disorders-prevalent-us-communities&h=ATP8RasqAuvyUnNdn7VWez2UQScJVxfnFwpmwguq6aKwj-uCFn2uX4A4ZntukGDEx3HlYQFT_-5Kkg2qg3UGgAYZ2MFhFlX_rVWOdHNy8D-ctYgEcY6hErUYM6A5FtdindKPgGVd_83X53CQHvm2TVIw5oHfq0VVI3xPmwYS7aD0GlkJOCFBSaMZv2VVFfKPKMNM8lItg3LKNdvIFHOVCi5A08mqf5mvr0l_V3BWi-9n8f0kFd0lnbMHCHv33K5b_O_I4O96UyktmWDrZAD8Ev_rGEc" href="https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/study-first-graders-shows-fetal-alcohol-spectrum-disorders-prevalent-us-communities" rel="noopener nofollow" style="color: #365899; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">https://www.nih.gov/…/study-first-graders-shows-fetal-alcoh…</a></span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />STRIKE TWO<br />He was under EXTREME STRESS. This child lost his adopted father a few years ago and recently lost his adopted mother in November 2017. </span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />STRIKE THREE<br />He was alone in the world at 19. He was living with a friend. This kid was extremely hurting and in need of help. </span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />STRIKE FOUR</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He needed to be heard and supported and he was further rejected by his school with expulsion the previous day (I am not blaming the school). I'm sure this was his educational history. He is not the devil or a demon even though his behaviors say otherwise. </span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Teachers, I know you are busy but please listen to your gut. He is in every school and possibly in your classroom. When you see a child like this, give him your time and listen to his story. Weep with him and show him you care even though he has been terrible to you. Call your bosses, scream for help! In spite of his horrible behavior, he needs you. He will go to any extreme to be heard. He wants others to know how bad he hurts so he hurts others. Do you hear him now?"</span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What I need to express for myself is that I do not like that the emphasis (in my opinion) of this author's post is on FASD and adoption.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Strike One: This is an adopted child that has FASD. So? Just because a child is adopted that doesn't mean they are going to grow up to be someone that will harm others. The child has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (yes it is the same as FAS) that ALSO doesn't mean they are going to grow up to be someone that will harm others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The adoption of the child has absolutely no bearing on this child's actions. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The FASD may have some bearing as they may not have had enough training while growing up to learn to control their emotions (and yes, it can be done; if not perfectly, but then again no one is perfect when it comes to controlling their emotions.) and how to live in society, happily, and with the laws.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Not all people affected by FASD are carrying guns on their person just waiting to go on a rampage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Strike Two: Losing his father a few years ago may indeed still be causing stress. Hell, it's been 15 years since my father passed away and there are still days that I am full of grief. But, again, I can't say that losing his father is the cause of what he did. It may have been a factor. It is more likely that losing his mother just a few months ago would play a bigger part in his behaviour.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Strike Three: I'll give the author this one. A child affected by FASD is rarely the same age mentally as they are chronologically. This child was 19 years old, but mentally he may have been several years younger. In my studies, and my living experience, it seems to be mental age is around half. So he may have been only 9 or 10 years old mentally. Definitely not old enough to be on his own in this world. My question is is did his parents provide any assistance for their child if anything should happen to them? I don't know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Strike Four: The author got this one bang on! I am a living, breathing mother of 3 FASD children and I can tell you that there is definitely not enough support in our schools (I'm in Canada) to assist those who have diagnoses of FASD and other issues. In our personal experience, my family has an amazing school with administrators and teachers that truly love their students and will go above and beyond, but they still can only do so much.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have a child that is being bullied. She can give it as well as she gets it, but she doesn't...often. She keeps herself together at school and then comes home and lets us have it! I can take it. Our school works with my family to let us know when things are going awry at school so we can be prepared for when she gets home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The part I have an issue with is that even though my child will go and speak to someone about what is happening to her, other students, not the adults, will say she just didn't understand what was happening. Granted, there are times when I can look at her and say that to her, as she does it at home. But, then there are the times when other students know that she is not misunderstanding, and they still take the bully's side so they don't get in trouble with the bully. My child will stand up for others. Unfortunately, not often enough, and not enough given to her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We talk to our kids about standing up for others when they see something wrong happening. We get the 'but so and so won't like me; or so and so will try to beat me up; or the other kids will call me a tattle tale; etc.' we do everything we can to explain that being scared of a label or a bully, it's not as bad as someone coming into your school and trying to kill and/or hurt everyone. Dealing with children with mental health issues is difficult, but you can't stop trying to get them to understand and how to act on it when it becomes necessary.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What I'm trying to say is, not every adopted child, not every child with FASD, not every adopted child WITH FASD is not going to turn out to be someone who goes on a rampage to get revenge or satisfy their feelings.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Parents, talk to your children. Teach them to respect every person they meet until it's no longer earned, to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves, ignore the labels and speak out. Teach your children that if they see something going on to trust their gut and go talk to someone in authority. Do it privately so no one sees what they're doing if they're that scared of being picked on. But find a way to do it. They just could save lives.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know this post won't go over well with some and possibly lots of people, but I live in a free country and my opinion is just as important as everyone else. Please leave your comments if you wish.</span></div>
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<b><i>**I have removed the fb post author's name. I wasn't able to reach them.</i></b></div>
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Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-15997605061259785572017-05-25T18:34:00.000-07:002017-05-25T18:34:48.502-07:00The Untruthful Child<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Hello Again!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Today's topic is one that is difficult to explain and live.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The untruthful child. All children tell tales, untruths, lies, right? Of course they do. But what do you do when that is all the child does?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Let's look at what I'm classifying as an 'untruthful' child.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This isn't just telling little white lies, or even big ones in order to get out of trouble. This, of course, is a big part of it. The bigger part is the child that will not accept responsibility for his/her actions, especially when those actions hurt someone else. This child always blames the victim or someone who was never a part of the situation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is the child that needs therapy/counseling and when it's provided makes sure that the conversation never gets focused on them or the true reason for the sessions. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is the child that can convince anyone that they are always telling God's honest truth while fabricating an entire scenario out of thin air. And, that scenario has absolutely nothing to do with the child. They throw someone else under the bus, so to speak.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For a child like this to benefit from therapy of any kind, they first have to acknowledge there is an issue. Their issue. They have to take ownership of their words, thoughts, and actions. Then they have to want to change and become a truthful person. They have to understand that with change also comes consequences and rewards. They have to want that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Right now I have an untruthful child. I have just found out that my child is speaking with a school counselor (I knew that part) about a sibling and their issues. This is not why the school provided my child with a counselor. The school provided my child with a counselor to help my child see and understand that their actions at school are not appropriate. We, the child's parents, also teach this at home but we all know that children don't always listen to their parents.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, what do you do with the untruthful child that refuses to change their ways?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In this family mental and physical health professionals are always going to be involved. So the question arises; who needs to know what? Not every professional needs to know all aspects. For instance, does the school counselor need to know about one siblings issues when they have no bearing on the child seeing the counselor? The child seeing the counselor brings up the sibling and their issues to divert the conversation from themselves. The counselor needs to know that the child they are dealing with does this, but do they need to know about the sibling that was used as a diversionary tactic? My answer to that is no. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What do you do if you explain what your child does to the counselor and the counselor asks to know more about the sibling? Do you share that child's story? Do you explain that there is a family therapist that is dealing with those issues? I don't think the child's story is anyone's business but those who need to know to help that child and the family. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I stated, the untruthful child will use anyone and anything to divert blame and conversation away from themselves. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If the people in an assessment facility had listened to my husband and I when we explained about our untruthful child, and how that if that child were an actor our home would be overflowing with Oscars, we might not be in the situation we are today. But they didn't. The confirmed for our child that their behaviour was acceptable because they didn't see it. They were given the tools to see through the child; not only by us, but by other professionals dealing with the child, and they chose to ignore all of us. They became part of the problem not part of the solution.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you are a professional that deals with these types of issues, listen to the parents. Hear what the parents are telling you about the child you are trying to help. If you don't, you're not going to do anything more than affirm to the untruthful child that they can keep doing what they're doing and get away with it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">God Bless and Have a Wonderful Day!</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-87217167948515574242017-05-10T16:53:00.000-07:002017-05-10T16:53:10.258-07:00Living With Rages<span style="font-size: large;">Hello! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's certainly been awhile since we last chatted, hasn't it?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Well, I thought with people watching the documentary "The Boy They Call Chucky" and commenting on my comment and on my blog post, that maybe it was time for a new post. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">With the thought of this young boy fresh in my mind I feel I should write a little about my family's struggles with living with a child like 'Chucky'. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I pointed out in my post about this documentary, my family lives with a child like him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Since we last chatted our child has declined even more. What upsets me the most is the lack of services for children and families like this. Now let me be clear, it's not that the services don't exist, it's that if your child has a complex diagnosis (meaning more than one with possible different causes), it is difficult to get even one service to accept responsibility for providing the needed service(s). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I can tell you that in our case (and that of many of the families I have worked with) we have specific services (ie. mental health) that are desperately needed for our child. We are being bounced from organization (read: government agency) to organization and receiving nothing. We are constantly being told we have to place our child in a facility for assessment (this facility provides only assessments, it does not provide follow up or treatment services) when all the same assessments have just been completed, and they were all set up by the same organization that has the facility! The facility placement would be redundant. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We need a specific type of therapist for our child and this is where the battle is focused. I am achieving a reputation for being assertive (read: witch with a different first letter) simply because I won't back down and stop trying to get my child the help that is needed. You see, it's not just help for the child, but for our whole family. Our 'Chucky' is abusive to all of us, so helping that child will benefit all of us. We do see a family therapist for coping strategies and to keep the rest of us as healthy mentally as possible. But, when you're living in a war zone... </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So how does one survive? Well, you take what you can get. Like I said we have a family therapist. We don't hold back in those sessions. We are brutally honest. If you aren't you won't be helped. It's a choice you have to make. See a therapist and share only what you think is polite, or be completely open and vulnerable and accept the help that is being offered. Our therapist has been a God send. We haven't been able to see her for a couple of months for reasons beyond our control, but we are just about to start up again. And believe me, we are all happy to be going back. Our therapist gave us the tools to get us through the last couple of months cohesively, as one unit. Thank you so much Dr. S.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, in the moment, how do you live IN the rage? You do whatever is necessary to protect the child in the rage, preventing them from self-harm, and protecting anyone and everyone in the vicinity. Depending on the age and strength of the child, you may need to call in emergency medical resources (ie. ambulance w/paramedics), legal assistance (ie. police), or simply another adult to help remove the child from the situation/area, or to help restrain the child. Whichever you have to do, you do. But in the back of your mind you must keep the thought of all of your reactions to the rage must be for the safety of all involved. You must use the least amount of 'force' necessary. You do not want to hurt anyone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">One of the things I hear a lot from people looking in from the outside is, "Oh that poor child. They can't help themselves." Ok. I used to think that way too. However, you aren't on the inside. On the inside you can see how quite often the rage is a choice. How do you know it's a choice? When they can be in a full blown, kicking down doors (literally), screaming, and hitting, and walk out the door and instantly, and I do mean instantly, stop and go to school skipping and singing, that rage was a choice. Take those hours the child is at school to participate in your self-care. For one simple reason; the rage will more than likely begin again as soon as one foot is in the door after school. Exhibiting such control over one's emotions shows choice. But not every rage is a choice there are times when the child really can't help it, and it's obvious to the primary caregiver(s).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Most people would say that the child that rages at home but not out in the world, views the home as their 'safe space'. True. However, sometimes it's not the correct answer. Our child actually views our home as the place with the people that took them away from their 'real' family. Our child spent the first 6 years of life between birth family and a foster family. By the time the child was 2 years old they were with the foster family until we came along. The child misses those people. That's understandable. Unfortunately, the child doesn't like our home and family because we refuse to inflict the abuse that family did. (One of them is now in jail for it.) Being so young when entering into a world like that, that is what is NORMAL to the child. They know nothing different. So it wouldn't have mattered who adopted this child for these behaviors to come out. Most of the time the rage is not personal against us, but more against the conflicting feelings the child is experiencing. There are times when it IS personal as well. Even knowing the reasoning behind the rages, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. When you are subjected to these rages on a regular basis it changes you, the family. That's why therapy is an integral part of living with someone who has rages.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Even with therapy there are going to be times when your own emotions are going to take over and be somewhat out of control. The trick there is to recognize it and get out of the situation as fast as possible. It can be done. I've done it myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm going to close here. I welcome all comments and questions.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I know that not everyone could hang on as long as we have, if you take nothing else from this take this, do what's right for you, your child, and your family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">God Bless and Have a beautiful day.</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-2585548778203385522016-07-05T13:42:00.000-07:002016-07-05T13:42:31.745-07:00The Boy They Call Chucky...<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><u><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just watched a documentary on youtube called, "The Boy They Call Chucky". It's a sad, yet informative glimpse into the lives of an English family desperate to find help not only for their son but their whole family. </span></u></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><u>After I watched the documentary, I made a big mistake. I started reading the comments. Take my advice, </u></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><u>DO NOT READ COMMENTS ON CONTROVERSIAL ISSUES. This only leads to upset and the need to set the record straight for the armchair psychiatrists. So, here's my response to one particularly nasty person who put all the blame on the mother, and said that it was her that taught this child to be 'Chucky'. I had to respond. Maybe I am wrong in my beliefs, but as I state, I do have first hand experience. Please watch the documentary and tell me what you think.</u></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyTFV-rdSaeLu-0coFk4Ck1GtfJLQEjYAK9d8XHb84QfXw9zc0dP9Ic-8Rg2SI6IaRT1mADlqH5CKUHFMkBFnM53ByKjFSDghWG_D__LBBbD4Jrfjqlos8Z5Vzj3c0iqtjaIEGVDxQ_AY/s1600/chucky-3-177606.Jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyTFV-rdSaeLu-0coFk4Ck1GtfJLQEjYAK9d8XHb84QfXw9zc0dP9Ic-8Rg2SI6IaRT1mADlqH5CKUHFMkBFnM53ByKjFSDghWG_D__LBBbD4Jrfjqlos8Z5Vzj3c0iqtjaIEGVDxQ_AY/s320/chucky-3-177606.Jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zadfpRwNRwQ" target="_blank">The Boy They Call Chucky</a></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">With all due respect ******, (name removed) do you, or have you lived with a child like this? I do.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I adopted a child with behaviors exactly like this ( not knowingly though) when the child was 6 years old. (Please don't come at me with 'the child probably suffered abuse in the foster homes'.)</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The violence and rages cannot be predicted, as triggers can be as simple as saying 'good morning'. Some people are fortunate and triggers can be identified, most cannot. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The reactionary behaviors of the mother, are in fact, completely 'normal' for the situation she is living in. I'll bet that when Christian was born these parents weren't anything like this documentary shows today. They were probably very loving, kind, forgiving, doting, and happy. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">12 years of abuse (Did you know that children can be the abusers WITHOUT being taught how to be?) can turn a saint into a demon. Speaking now as a mother diagnosed with Acute Traumatic Stress Disorder. (You have to be a minimum of 6 months out of the traumatic situation for it to be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.)</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The professionals in this documentary are like you and basing their advice and opinions off 14 minutes of these peoples lives. (14 minutes figuratively.) This documentary kept saying 'looking for a cure'. There's no such thing. There is management and treatment. Dyslexia, ADHD, do not, in and of themselves, make for a confrontational and violent personality. They can contribute to it, but aren't the sole cause. There is something much more at play in this child's brain than just a couple of disorders. It goes much deeper than that. Yes I do know what I'm talking about, again, as I said, I have a child exactly like this little boy.</span><br />
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</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I also have another child the same age as this boy (don't forget hormones are most likely coming into play now too) who also has ADHD, and Dyslexia as well as other diagnoses, yet his actions aren't outbursts but he does hurt people. Mostly our family, too. My child of 12 is much more calculated, manipulative, and an amazing actor so that he can make even the most intelligent person believe he is never at fault. A lie detector wouldn't pick up on him lying.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">What's my point? Don't judge these people based on one very short glimpse (not even a look) into their lives. It's very incomplete and makes them all look like monsters when I would bet my life they are simply worn out and out of places to turn for help. Contrary to popular belief, there isn't an answer for every question. Have a good day. </span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-23311501341740115142015-08-17T16:12:00.000-07:002015-08-17T16:12:36.103-07:00I've become disillusioned..<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have a home based business. I am a stay at home Mum and wanted to do something to contribute to my family's well being. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was introduced to a cosmetics company that is new (just turned 3 years old) and their products are naturally based. (No, I'm not selling you anything right now, but this helps make my point.) I like that. I love the products. They are incredible. Their price point is a little bit higher than say MAC but comparable to Bare Minerals and Arbonne. More than loving the products, I love the reason for the company. Their mission is to uplift, empower and validate women around the world, while providing opportunity for personal and financial growth. This young company has also started a foundation for women and children of sexual abuse. This foundation provides support and a safe place to heal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is the reason I chose to do something I've never done before. Direct Sales. This company resonated with me. Most people don't know but I was a victim when I was young. I was a victim of opportunity and it didn't happen again, but the damage was still done. Just a few years ago I got the opportunity to face my abuser and believe me he's sorry. Those who know me know I don't hold back. I didn't realize until that day the real damage that had been done. I can and will support any organization that helps women and children of abuse.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Recently I became aware of another organization that is dedicated to restoring empowerment to children of abuse and teaching them that they never have to live in fear. This is personal to me. This organization needs exposure and awareness and help in funding. (Locally. They are international but the Island Chapter is just a fledgling.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So where does my disillusionment come in? Well, it comes in when it comes to fundraising. I am limited by my company as to where I can advertise my products and the fact that I'm looking for people (yes I include men in my ads simply because their counterparts would love surprises, and our skin care line is unisex) to host a couple of home parties with the majority of my commission going to this organization I so want to help. I will be making regular donations to my company's foundation when all the red tape is cleared, so I don't think I'm doing anything outside the realm of kindness in supporting another similar organization.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I can not get anyone to host a party. Is it really that difficult to support a friend? I am extremely supportive of my friends and their businesses, yet it seems returning the favour just isn't very high on people's priority lists. Everyone talks about 'paying it forward' but in this type of situation I'm just not seeing it. We have cyber bullies and keyboard heroes. Come to my house, come see all of the products I've bought that I don't use, want, or need, but love my friends and want them to succeed so I do my part. I've spent thousands of dollars just to help them succeed. I also spread the word about them on social media and to anyone who will listen. The big thing for me is, I do it because I care. No one has to ask me to help. I just do. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Maybe that's my problem. Hmmm, maybe my disillusionment should be at myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Have a great day, and God Bless you.</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-52153018068690219342015-08-15T12:09:00.000-07:002015-08-15T12:09:49.287-07:00This Caught My Attention...<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">This is a page from the book "That Parent's Tao Te Ching" </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">by </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">William Martin. See: </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=177377399010786&extragetparams=%7B%22directed_target_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Parents-Tao-Te-Ching/177377399010786" style="background-color: white; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-decoration: none;">The Parent's Tao Te Ching</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXRLGfo4evuiHFX7vUenpgvuonSb5hMjE6kBmdxXUAR1PxfQrpOdGUDuCWWr0veKi4I3iaWG5Y6wFB_R9_382nI736Og22P8Ag9qPQDakyk9xijdTwS9zzkcvoriqn8787ITTaKYeND4U/s1600/maketheordinarycomealive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXRLGfo4evuiHFX7vUenpgvuonSb5hMjE6kBmdxXUAR1PxfQrpOdGUDuCWWr0veKi4I3iaWG5Y6wFB_R9_382nI736Og22P8Ag9qPQDakyk9xijdTwS9zzkcvoriqn8787ITTaKYeND4U/s320/maketheordinarycomealive.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-size: large;">In case you can't read it (I've never attached a picture before) it says:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Make the Ordinary Come Alive</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Do not ask your children </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">to strive for extraordinary lives.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Such striving may seem admirable,</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">but it is a way of foolishness.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Help them instead to find the wonder</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">and the marvel of an ordinary life.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Show them the joy of tasting</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">tomatoes, apples, and pears.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Show them how to cry</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">when pets and people die.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Show them the infinite pleasure</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">in the touch of a hand.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">And make the ordinary come alive for them.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">The extraordinary will take care of itself.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">You may be asking yourself how this has anything to do with</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">my journey through adoption.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Quite frankly I'm not sure yet. Let's see if it comes to me </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">while I'm writing my other thoughts on this piece.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">This quote by William Martin encompasses so much of what </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">parents do without realizing they are doing it. I do not mean </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">teaching about the ordinary, rather <u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">pushing</u> their children to</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">achieve greatness. These parents are not bad parents, not at</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">all. They honestly believe they are doing what's best for their</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">children. They see themselves as cheerleaders, mentors,</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">teachers, their children's biggest supporters. They ARE!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">However, what they don't realize (and I myself am guilty of </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">being one of those parents until recently) is the pressure they</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">are putting on their child. That strive for extraordinary isn't for </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">the child's sake, not really; a little bit yes, but for the parents </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">ego. What parent doesn't want to brag about how fantastic</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">Little Johnny is at hockey? He's going to be the next Wayne</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">Gretzky, or Trevor Linden. We all do. We all have to stop.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">What we have to focus on is our children's true abilities and </span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">be a real cheerleader, a real supporter in helping them </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">achieve what <u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">they</u> want, what's going to make them happy.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">After all, isn't their happiness what it's ultimately all about?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">I remember talking to my husband on our 2nd date about </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">how I was going to build my family through adoption.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;"> It didn't </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">matter to me whether or not I could</span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">give birth to biological children, adoption was always part of </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">my life plan. Strange thing to bring up on a 2nd date right?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Not for me. See from our first date (which was the night</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">before) I somehow knew he was the one. I had been </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">married before and it wasn't good, so I decided that should</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">I ever decide to have another husband he would know every-</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">thing I wanted, everything I believed in, everything I expected</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">in a partner. Well, I didn't hold back. He did look at me with </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">shock but he also appreciated my candor and complete </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">openness. He agreed that he would be willing to look at </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">adoption but that he did want to try to conceive a child, too.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Well, we got our wish. We did conceive several times. But</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">our babies were never meant for this earth. It was after our</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">3rd miscarriage that we went to meet the adoption worker.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">We had looked into all of our options and we decided that</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">adopting through the foster care system was right for us.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">We knew we were headed for children with special needs,</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">and therefore we got educated. We took classes on anything</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">we could find, we did hours upon hours of research on every </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">kind of special need you could think of. Then we did the AEP.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Adoption Education Program. Then the home study, where </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">we found some new conditions we hadn't considered or </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">researched so we did. To make a long story longer, we </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">adopted 3 highly affected children.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Each child is unique, even though the majority of their </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">diagnoses are the same. "Spectrum Disorders". They </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">(whoever 'they' are) aren't kidding. Spectrum is right.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">One of my children presents (and always has) as extremely</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">intelligent. Yet when his assessments were done he came</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">out testing extremely low. It was explained to us that he is </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">a good 'actor'. It's true! WE told them to be careful because</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">he will do whatever it takes to extend one on one time with </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">anyone! They didn't listen. By actor they meant he could </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">make anyone believe he understood something he didn't.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">We already knew that, too. We, with the help of one of our</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">amazing therapists, had come up with a strategy to make </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">sure he did understand. How does this relate to the quote?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Well this is the child I was pushing. I, apologetically now, </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">pushed him so hard because I KNEW what he could/can do.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">It didn't matter to me that he wasn't happy, I was only think-</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">ing about how great it was going to be to be able to brag to </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">my friends, and strangers, how my son was a doctor, lawyer,</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">pilot, NASA astronaut, Premier, Prime Minister! Any one of</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">these would make me so proud. Even more so because he </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">has these diagnoses. Of course these weren't </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">conscious thoughts, well not constantly. But I never stopped</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">to ask him what he thought he wanted to be when he grew </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">up. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Then one day a very wise person was here when I was </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">'helping' my son with his homework. She heard me pushing </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">him. She heard me telling him that he could be anything he</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">wanted when he grew up if he'd just put the effort in now! I </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">was angry with him.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">She pulled me away and told my son he could go get ready </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">for bed. We went outside and she asked me, "What do you</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">really want for 'S' when he grows up?" I said I want him to </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">be happy. She said so don't you think he should be allowed </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">to be happy now, too? It was in that moment that the brick </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">wall hit me. Not just a single brick, but a whole wall. I was</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">pushing my son to make up for MY failings. What I believed</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">were my failings. It had nothing to do with him. I somehow,</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">somewhere in my mind felt that I could make up for what I</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">didn't accomplish by pushing my boy to do it. Me. My ego.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">I took this child, who had been given to me by God, and</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">punished him. This precious child who was the answer to all</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">my hopes and dreams of having a family, this child who loved</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">and trusted me to be his Mummy, since he was just a one </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">year old baby, and crushed his dreams for my own.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Fortunately, that child also has a very forgiving nature and he</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">forgave me. Now he hears me say things like, 'if you need </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">help, I'm right here', 'Way to go Son! I'm so proud of you!'</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">He doesn't know what he wants to be yet, but it doesn't </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">matter, as long as he's happy.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">I am now teaching my children the wonder in the ordinary </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">world. When is the last time you picked an apple off a tree </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">and just took a big bite? Or a plum, or carrots out of your </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">own </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">garden? Try it, you'll be surprised how beautiful the </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">world is </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">when you look through the eyes of a child.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Have a great day, and God Bless You.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-40747607171888553942015-06-08T10:05:00.000-07:002015-06-08T10:05:03.272-07:00<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here we are 8 more months...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Since I've written. Well, let me tell you, this has been one helluva a roller coaster ride!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Since last October there's been occasions, like Christmas Eve at my sister's, Christmas at home with Nana and Papa, New Year's Eve, and of course New Year's Day. Then there's been a few birthdays, Valentine's Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Daddy's birthday, and next is Father's Day. Whew!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So those are the good things. Like I've said before, not all sunshine and roses. There's been some pretty hard decisions to make, some really huge surprise hurdles to overcome and we're still climbing and getting a bit better everyday, therapy for the whole family.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Turns out when we originally thought the honeymoon period was over we were oh so wrong! But there's no doubt anymore! Our princess trusts us fully now. Some of the things she's told us have been incredible. Some good, some not so good, some down right horrible. But, we're working through it all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Our oldest is doing better and better all the time. This year was his first year at middle school and next year he goes back to elementary school. They're (the school district) restructuring our schools. One of our middle schools is being turned into an elementary while they close down the elementary school. So our oldest wasn't all that thrilled to learn that he was moving up, and now his school is being reclassified. Oh well, like we told him only one more year there and he can move up to the high school.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We're doing OK. I don't think any parents of children with special needs can ever truly say that they are doing GREAT! Maybe for a day or maybe even a week here and there. Our kids aren't designed to work that way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Kids with certain conditions/issues just don't have the ability to be good all the time. It's just not in their genetic make up. Their brains aren't designed not to fight and argue at least sometimes. We all have that, but children with sensory issues, brain injuries, just don't have the ability to regulate themselves on a permanent basis. It's kind of like that senior citizen who's decided that they're entitled to be rude and spew whatever pops into their mind. No self edit button; it's kind of like that. No self edit button for behaviours. They would much rather appear bad than stupid too. That was a hard lesson for me to wrap my head around. But life got easier when I did. What may seem like willful 'bad' behaviour may actually be your child crying for help because they're feeling pressured to be perfect, or right, and right now! We can't do that to our kids. We as parents need to learn the difference between can't and won't. There is definitely 'bad' behaviour that is willful, they are kids after all. But you have to know when they are making an informed choice and when it's because they don't know what else to do. It could be something as simple as 'One of your spelling words is cat. Can you spell that for me please?' Now that child is thinking I know how but I have to think first and Mum/Dad is going to mad if I take too long. What do I do? I'll throw a temper tantrum and distract them. Although that clear thought process isn't there for them it's what's happening without their actual knowledge of it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Wow, this post took a swift swerve didn't it? *smile*</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I guess all we can do is learn the art of patience, acceptance, and empathy. I know that sounds a little more difficult, but it's doable. The real trick is to teach those who don't live in your home to be that way with your kids. Although in my personal experience people without first hand experience with kids like my own, don't tend to believe my kids can be like this (my kids are pretty much perfect angels when we're not home. ) or I get criticized and judged for being too 'hard'. But again they have no clue who my kids really are and what it takes to raise them. It's not like raising neurotypical children. The consequences you could employ with 'normal' kids will not work on a child with a brain injury. They don't have the capacity to put actions and consequences together. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I should qualify that when I say 'they' I am speaking specifically to my own kids. Children with special needs are definitely not all the same and should never be painted with one brush. (They shouldn't be painted at all, unless of course they're playing. *wink* )</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, I'm going to close out with, remember to take care of yourselves first. Without you your family doesn't stand a chance, and it's not selfish!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">God Bless,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Kelly</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-41277026565472989432014-10-05T12:42:00.000-07:002014-10-05T12:42:40.107-07:00And Another Thing...<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here's another gripe. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When our youngest was entering kindergarten our school had an orientation day. Great idea!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">However, it turned sour for us...temporarily.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Everything was going great. Our youngest was having a great time going from the gym to a classroom and then to his future classroom to meet his new teacher. Where it turned sour for us and our son was when the teacher who was taking us around (we weren't the only family either, it was an orientation for all new kindergarten students) introduced us to his new teacher. She should have said this is (insert child's name here) and his parents. What she said was this is (our son) and his ADOPTIVE parents. Why? What purpose does that serve? What if we were like some people, who back in the old days (man do I sound old. lol) didn't tell their children they were adopted? Now, with this person deciding that this was information that needed to be shared with not only the teacher but all the other kids and their families too, this person with the addition of one word, could have caused irreparable damage. I guess you could say that we were slightly annoyed and did speak to the lady about it after.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Another example: I have had a few people come to my support group and ask questions. Great! It's why we're there. One of the most 'popular' questions was, " When we do bring our child home how do we introduce them? Do we say, this is our new adopted son so and so? Do we say, this is our new adopted daughter that also happens to be asian?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Well first off, if you're caucasian and your child is a different ethnicity than you, it's pretty evident that your new addition is from a different ethnicity. No need to point it out. If the people who are meeting your new family member know you were adopting, then again, you should have no need to point out that the child is 'your new ADOPTED son/daughter'. These, I fear, are the people looking for that 'saint' label. One of the people who asked me a question like this was definitely looking to adopt specifically for the recognition, by her own admittance.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This should never be the goal when people are looking into adoption. Adoption is for those who wish to build a family. It is not only for those who have infertility issues either. It is for people who love children and want to provide a loving family for a child who may not be having that experience or unable for whatever reason won't be able to have that with their birth family. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Adoption is just another word for family. So the next time you are with an adoptive family and have to introduce them to someone remember to drop the 'adoptive' part and focus on the family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">God Bless.</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-77755915041098635992014-10-04T19:09:00.001-07:002014-10-04T19:10:26.080-07:00Why do people call me a....<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A saint, or tell me how special I am, or tell me how lucky my kids are to have me? I'm the lucky one! No matter how much you might hear me complain about how hard things are, I'm still just like any one of you. You love and adore your kids, but you're allowed to be annoyed with them, so am I.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm telling you I don't like this.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you are a biological parent do people say these things to you? My guess is no. So what makes me any different than a biological parent? I've had adoptees tell me I'm amazing, special, have the heart of a saint. I appreciate the appreciation. But what is it really for? I get this acclamation for wanting a family and choosing to build my family through adoption? We did try to have biological children too, it just wasn't meant to be. Adoption has been part of my life plan since I was 12 years old. My best friend, CJ, made this my plan. I met her on day one of Grade 7. She told me about her adoption and that was that. I knew then and there that I would adopt kids whether or not giving birth was possible. (Oh yeah, this beauty, also offered to be a surrogate for us. Too much love for her to even express. Saintly is a word for her, not me.)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me tell you something. Adoptive parents are not saints. We are not special. We are not any different than any other parent on the planet. Just because our kids weren't born of our bodies and carry our bloodlines, doesn't make them any less 'ours' than a child born to their biological families.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We are not special because we adopted kids with special needs; most first time adoptive parents going through a government agency are expected to fill out a form that says what these people are willing to take on for needs. They have to take courses in adoption preparation, they are expected to participate in workshops about all kinds of different special needs. In short, people think they are prepared for just about anything that a child can come with. It's a fallacy. We are not prepared in any way. Until you've lived with some of these issues you <i style="font-weight: bold;">can't</i> be prepared. There is no amount of research that can prepare someone for something like the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. It's called a spectrum for a reason. NO TWO PEOPLE AFFECTED BY FASD ARE EXACTLY ALIKE! Therefore, until you are in those shoes you can't honestly be prepared.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But still, people think that people who choose to adopt must be saintly because they are seeking out children with special needs. There is also a fallacy about private agencies only helping healthy, happy, 'normal' babies find homes. WRONG!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is the goal I'm sure. But how many 16 year old pregnant and scared girls do you know that would admit to drinking or smoking pot when they are facing having to let go of their unborn child. A child that they would love to the ends of the earth and beyond, and will anyway, were it possible for them to parent their child? Not very many. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Why does it matter if a child is adopted or born and raised by their biological families? Every child has a chance of being born with special needs even if Mum is the poster Mum for pregnancy. I have a friend that was that poster Mum, and yet her child was born and diagnosed autistic. Are she and her husband saints now because they are raising a child with a special need they had no clue was coming?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My point is, adoptive families appreciate your congratulations on the arrival of our new family members. We appreciate you recognizing that we might be having a hard go of things at the moment, but please, please save the sainthood for someone who truly deserves it. We're no different than anyone else. We're living day to day, going through the good and the not so good and the down right bad, but we're just a regular family, just like you.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In case you're thinking that I'm holding on to a bone that is mine alone, I can assure you I'm not. This is something that puzzles a lot of families. In my 7 years of support groups for adoptive families that I facilitated this was brought up at almost every single meeting. It's kind of annoying. Oh, and if it's done in front of a child with the ability to understand, think about what you're saying to that child. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I guess, I should also say that there are a few adoptive parents out there that probably are glowing with pride about the sainthood given to them. ;)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">God Bless.</span></span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-53038750048611348112014-05-20T17:20:00.001-07:002014-05-20T17:20:36.358-07:00Catch Up Time....<span style="font-size: large;">Well let's catch up, shall we?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is now May 2014 and I haven't written since January. Mostly because I haven't had time and when I have I have spent it trying to catch up on rest or helping my other families.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Well over the last few months life hasn't been great. It's been interesting and non stop drama/laughter/crying/sleep deprivation...etc.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, where do I start? I guess we'll go with after Dee's party. It went so well. We had a blast. She was so thrilled about having the all girl party and that it was almost an English tea party. It was so cute.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Then February came and Valentine's Day. Wow. I have 3 kids that got quite upset that Mum and Dad only do the cards and gifts for eachother. I understand that most parents give their kids gifts and cards on Valentine's Day, but my hubby and I don't. It's one of the two days of the year that we use to celebrate our love. When the kids got home from school they were all loaded down with so many cards and little gifts from friends and classmates, that they actually said they were sorry for getting upset with us. It was cute.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">March we had Spring Break. This was the first year my hubby got all 10 days off. We had so many plans to have day trips to do so many fun things together. Unfortunately our oldest decided that this was when he was going to go off the rails and destroy the holiday time. (When I say 'decided' I mean 'decided'. He openly admitted this was when he chose to let it all out.) The benefit of his actions was that after 5 years of begging for help, his actions finally got the medical community to listen to us. So now, we're waiting for the promised treatment to come to fruition. We're still waiting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">April rolled around and we had Easter. It was lovely. We had our typical easter egg hunt and watched the kids doing their hunt. It's always so fun to watch them race around laughing and playing together without any fuss.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here we are in May. A couple of weeks ago I decided to make a commitment I'd been contemplating long and hard for a few years. My sister had called me one afternoon and was telling me about a show she was watching and that a lady on the show was trying to figure out how to save money on her child's wedding. So she went online and got ordained as a minister. She saved a buck on the clergy. So my sister said she'd been looking online to see if someone in our family could do the same thing, but it turns out it's only legal in the USA. It was me she wanted to do it because her son, my nephew is getting married next summer and she thought it would be cool if I could marry them. I liked the idea. So I went to work researching to see if I could find a way to do this for them. I did. Like I said this is something I had been contemplating for a few years. I found 2 churches that ordain ministers online. And you then have the credentials to marry, bury and baptize. So I checked it out at length and by that evening I applied, took the oath and received my credentials as an ordained Pastor! I, like my dad, have always considered myself a lay pastor and now I can actually perform ceremonies to unite people. Doing last rites and/or funerals won't be my thing. I will do baptisms and dedications. I know only the joyful ceremonies sounds kind of hypocritical but we'll see what happens. If God calls me then I have to answer. I'm proud to say that when I asked my nephew and his fiancee for the honour of marrying them they were shocked and thought I was joking but I assured them I wasn't, and they said they would be honoured to have me officiate their wedding. I can't wait!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, now we just cope with the issues going on at home and wait for our son to get the help he needs and then we start the work in earnest to heal the tears in our family fabric. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">No one said having a family was easy or all sunshine and lollipops, but it sure is worth it. Every. Single. Second. of. Every. Single. Day!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">God Bless.</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-50084271084707866042014-01-27T18:58:00.000-08:002014-01-27T19:41:44.720-08:00Ten Months In And...<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Things are going quite well!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sorry it's been so long, but I just haven't had the time or the inclination (if I'm honest) to write.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let me fill you in a bit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">April 2013 we had our coming home party for our beautiful new daughter and it was a wonderful day. I'm pretty sure I wrote about it when it happened.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Since then we've had Easter, </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my husband's birthday, Mother's Day,</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> our youngest son's 5th birthday, Father's Day, July 1st, a HUGE Family multiple birthdays celebration, Thanksgiving, Hallowe'en, Christmas, and New Year's Day. Whew! Sounds exhausting doesn't it? It was.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our first Easter with our new Princess was absolutely adorable. Watching our two boys and our princess run around in their new Easter outfits hunting for easter eggs, was the most fun we'd had in a long time. We had so much fun watching the kids running, and laughing, and shouting "I found one!" was just the most joyful thing in the whole world. Watching our complete and truly happy family is something that will be emblazoned in my mind forever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then there were a few more occasions that went through equally exciting because they were all firsts with our beautiful new girl. Oh! Did I mention my girl is a fabulous artist with a fantastic generous, loving heart? Everyday since she came home she has made me a gift of some sort. Whether it's a picture she drew, or an ornament she decorated or a book she coloured, they were all for me, (and Daddy sometimes) and all from her. So sweet!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During the summer my sister had some of her family here from Norway. We have 4 birthdays that span the summer and we decided to have one big family birthday party for all of our birthdays so the family could be here to celebrate with us. Well, what a hoot! We decided on a western theme and a pig roast. Everyone dressed up like a cowboy or cowgirl and we had an authentic pig roast. It was a wonderful, long day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During the rest of the summer we did family day trips, and played on beaches, played in our pool and hung out with friends and family letting our princess get to know everyone at her own pace. She was and is amazing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then we had a few more occasions and then came Christmas. What a joy and sight to behold. The kids were typical while opening their presents and playing. But dinner was what had us all. After we finished saying grace we heard a small, sweet little voice start singing; Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Jesus, Happy birthday to you. It had both me and my Mum in tears. So sweet to hear a little girl sing happy birthday to Jesus.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And just this past Saturday I got to live out one of my dreams. Since I was a young girl and had decided to adopt children (I made that decision when I was 12 because of my best friend whom I met on the first day of grade 7) I always dreamed of having an English tea party for her birthday. Since this was her first birthday with us I talked to her about it and explained what it was and would she like to do this. She said yes! I was so excited. I invited all the ladies in our family and threw my hubby and sons out of the house. NO BOYS ALLOWED! It was fabulous. We had little finger sandwiches, mini cupcakes, little squares, mini cream puffs and gallons of tea. I had a little bunny tea set for the birthday girl and her cousin who is only one year older and my Nanny's china set for the rest of us adults. Once we finished eating she opened her gifts and then we moved on to doing the craft. We made easter bonnets! They turned out so cute.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, here we are just about 12 months since the day we met her and we are doing fine. Now I'm not saying it's been all sunshine and roses 'cause it hasn't been. There have been some very tough moments and harder days, but we're managing. The honeymoon period is definitely over. It still feels like she's been here forever, but that's a good thing. She has so many of the attributes and personality qualities of both my husband and I that we're not sure where she was the first 6 years of her life. She seems like she's been with us since day one.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you all for reading and catching up. Now I'm off to help some other families through their wait.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God Bless you all.</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-28773855457285197962013-05-28T16:43:00.002-07:002013-05-28T16:43:48.138-07:00AFA BC's On Line Auction...<span style="font-size: large;">Is underway and coming to a close soon.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I've been asked to share this with you all and I encourage you strongly to participate. There are really great items up for grabs and you are supporting a great cause. Supporting the AFA BC (Adoptive Families Association of British Columbia) helps support families who are looking to adopt and the children who are waiting to find their forever families.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So please sign up and bid!</span><br />
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<u></u><a href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001AT_x3f7mfgGobCsxGXoraeIcHAuVwpqLwS0vUwAt0Roi9JD49pb3y0-b8HuVBFLo_p-540lI08ixTq-oP-1YTdxTSy_7PfowHTI7UW-ZdgXQ2pzM3TdNcg==" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank"><img align="right" alt="logo circle r" border="0" height="86" name="13eed647c8178b61_ACCOUNT.IMAGE.20" src="http://ih.constantcontact.com/fs067/1104372097675/img/20.jpg" vspace="2" width="280" /></a><u></u> <u></u><u></u></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 8pt;">Adoptive Families Association of BC</span></strong><u></u><u></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 8pt;">200 / 7342 Winston St., Burnaby, BC V5A 2H1</span><u></u><u></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 8pt;">T: <a href="tel:604-320-7330" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" value="+16043207330">604-320-7330</a> F:<a href="tel:604-320-7350" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" value="+16043207350">604-320-7350</a> <a href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001AT_x3f7mfgGMBKpApnzXH5FTCpeJCTYbsKRO3js_4w27UUhwwUIeMIhgKXYbtBtlxP-8ia2BVtNhuuEJ3oMB9SBXC-hdIchEzI_r1Cl3k5k9NZw_Te_zNw==" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: none;">www.bc<strong>adopt</strong>.com</span></a></span><u></u><u></u></div>
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<strong><span style="color: #f99b0c; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Last Mile Online Auction</span></strong><span style="color: #f99b0c; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">AFABC’s Last Mile Auction is back! Great items are available in your community for a summer's worth of fun: date nights, family fun, adventure, golf, spa packages, and much more! And the bidding process couldn't be simpler. You don't even have to leave your chair!<br /><br />Don’t miss your chance to participate in this exciting online event, open through <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_280067897" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">June 2nd</span></span>. Bid on great prizes while supporting adoptive families and youth across the province. All proceeds raised go toward supporting AFABC's crucial programs and services. It's a win/win as we cross the finish line together!<br /> <u></u><u></u></span></div>
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Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-72925807225650574812013-04-19T16:47:00.001-07:002013-04-19T16:47:37.459-07:00It's Been Over a Month...<span style="font-size: large;">And it's going beautifully!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Our new daughter feels to us like she's been here forever! She is so much like us it's hard to believe we haven't had her since day one!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So in the last month we have gone through our trials and tribulations of transition but much less than we expected and were prepared for. Don't get me wrong I am very aware that we could be in the honeymoon period still, however, when do you know the honeymoon period is over? Is it over when your whole family has a great big blow out? Is it over when a couple of you goes through a huge emotional flare up? Is it when the new addition and a parent has a moment that lets you know the newest member has accepted you? I don't know. All I know is that it feels so very right.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In the last month we had her homecoming party too. What a wonderful afternoon! There had to be over 60 people there in the 2 and half hours we had the event going. Our beautiful little girl spent her time going between each of us in the family and our babysitter (who is like a member of our family anyway) and all the kids that came. All 3 children kept coming to me asking if they could open their gifts yet and were disappointed when each time they were told not until we went home. The whole event was overwhelming and I didn't want to overwhelm the children more by opening all the gifts. To each and every person who came, "Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for coming and for sharing in our joy." We also thank you for the bounty of gifts for the children, they were overjoyed by everything. There was someone missing from the event that we and our daughter truly missed, and that was her foster family. She did miss them greatly and so did we but we'll see them soon and hope they are over the illness. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We began the event by having our Pastor say a blessing over the buffet table and especially our family. Thank you Pastor, it was beautiful. After the Pastor said the blessing I gave a little thank you speech to everyone who came and expressed our joy and sense of completion with our daughter coming home. We truly feel that God has blessed and completed our family. Of course we never know what God has in store for us but for now...we're done! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Since then our girl has started school and is doing very well. We were told that our daughter suffers from anxiety and I'll tell you that this little girl handles changes so well. Her anxiety seems to be coming more under control and maybe it's because she knows she's got her forever family and there's no more family changes. I think in a child her age it makes a huge difference. I think in a child any age it makes a huge difference.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So, in this last month or so we have come together and solidified the glue that brought this family together. We are here, we are whole, we are blessed by God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">God Bless you all and don't let go of your dreams either.</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-24713477671289473292013-03-16T14:59:00.002-07:002013-03-16T14:59:49.473-07:00One Week...<span style="font-size: large;">Today! It's exactly one week today that our Princess has been home. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's been a pretty good week too. So let me tell you about it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, we came home last Saturday afternoon with our Princess. Everyone was so excited. Nana and Papa were here at home with the boys waiting for us. On the front door was a sign that read "Welcome Home Princess. March 9th 2013" It was simple and on blue construction paper, but it meant the world to us. Thanks to Nana and the boys. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So we made it home just in time for dinner. None of the three of us were very hungry but we nibbled. Then Daddy had to fight with the lift gate of our vehicle. The one that was fixed just this past October? Yeah not so much. When my brother gets back to work I'll have to let him know. We bought the vehicle (and warranty and insurance) from his dealership. If you want to deal with some really great professionals send me a message and I'll tell you where he is. They're awesome! Anyway, sorry about the sidetrack. After a bit Daddy got the back of the vehicle open and we started bringing Princess's belongings in. We got her set up and got everyone ready for bed. It had been a long, emotional day for everyone. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">When everyone was in bed Daddy and I sat back and started to relax. All the going back and forth was over. We had our 2 beautiful boys and finally our wonderful, long prayed for and wished for Princess. Within a few minutes we got called upstairs. Princess was in bed and crying. She finally had everything sink in. The former 6 weeks finally hit her. She realized that she was home. She was worried that we wouldn't let her see her foster family ever again. So Daddy and I spent a little while comforting her and reassuring her that she would see her foster family again because we weren't taking anyone away from her. We were adding to her family and that her foster family would be up to see her in a few short weeks. After that she slept quickly and soundly for the rest of the night.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The rest of the week went by very smoothly with only one or two minor issues about family. Each time we reassured her that nobody was gone and that she would get to see them again and that they would all be part of her life forever.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Openness agreements are a great thing. When you can keep as many parts of a biological or foster family involved in your child's life it's good. It gives your child the ability to know their whole story. Good and bad. It's up to you to make sure that things happen when they should and that your child is informed at age appropriate times and ways.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So, now we're starting week 2 and things look good. The children are bonding and attaching at a good, steady pace and it looks like they've been together forever. The attachment and bonding between Daddy, Princess and myself is going well too. We don't look like we've been together forever, but it's not too bad. We're all learning each others ways as we go. It's a good thing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Stay tuned for future updates.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">God bless.</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-18677389014020414062013-03-09T20:44:00.000-08:002013-03-09T20:44:42.282-08:00Our Forever Day....<span style="font-size: large;">Is here! March 9th, 2013 we brought our daughter home!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We are so tired and so happy I can't even describe what's going on in my mind. This little one had her going home party today. We met so many of her lifetime friends and they were all so happy for her. There were tears everywhere! Including with me. The hardest part for me today was watching her beautiful foster mum say her good byes. Well it's not good bye, it's see you soon. Her foster parents and my hubby and I have developed a beautiful friendship and we have all agreed that we are one, big, happy family now. Our girl won't get to see them for a few weeks in order to help her bond and attach to us, but they will be a part of her (and our) life forever.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Today was extremely emotional. For all of us. There were 5 or 6 social workers at the party today. All of whom (except our adoption worker) have known our Princess most, if not all, of her life. They all love her and are so happy for her having found her forever family. They all made sure we knew exactly how precious she is and we assured them that we know and won't be taking a single moment with her for granted. We assured them all that we know and appreciate that she is God's gift to us.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Around 2:00 PM today we had her foster parents take her to our vehicle and wave us off. It was bittersweet. These wonderful people have raised her for the last 4 years (she's 6 years old) and love her like a daughter. It was hard for me too to hug my new friend good bye for a while. But like I said, it's not good bye, it's see you soon.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So for now I'm going to sign off and know that I'll keep you posted as we progress.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">For those of you still waiting, hang in there. It's always, and I do mean always, worth the wait. The child or children you're waiting for will come at the exact right moment.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Good night, and God bless you all. </span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-70543884652617082922013-02-23T12:29:00.000-08:002013-02-23T12:29:24.514-08:00The Last Matching Event...<span style="font-size: large;">...Brought us our new child!!!! Can you say ecstatic? We can.</span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sorry it's been so long since I've written. There's a myriad of reasons, most of which I can't go into here. So I'll share this matching story instead.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So October 26th was the date of the matching event. We went and did our usual introduction to the other adoptive families and all the social workers. We were having a great time. We always do. Meeting new people and commiserating with the families you've seen at every event for the last 2 years or so is strangely comforting. Knowing you aren't the only family that hasn't been chosen in that time makes it a little easier to swallow that 'waiting pill'.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, there we are. Sitting at the matching event with one of our very good friends (who is also helping us talk to the guardianship workers) and up on the big screen pops this beautiful little girl. Paul looks at me and says, "Honey! There she is!" I nod and say Ok, we'll check her out. You have to understand that at this point I'm so discouraged and because she needs an aboriginal home, and we've just only learned about our aboriginal heritage, I just don't see it happening. Our very good friend is prodding me from the other side saying there she is!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, within a few minutes we get our lunch break. I see the girls worker going to the table with all the families mini profiles and I sent Paul up to make sure she got ours. That worker tells Paul that she knows where we're sitting and will be over in just a minute! True to her word, she comes over and spends most of the lunch break talking to us about this beautiful girl! Our very good friend stayed with us and interjected at just the right moment telling the worker a little bit about us and our commitment to our children. Thank you CG!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So fast forward 3 and a bit months to February 2nd and we finally get to meet our beautiful daughter. She's amazing! She's a perfect fit in every way possible. Our dream to have a girly girl daughter who has a little bit of tomboy in her too, is fulfilled. She knows how to handle her brothers and hold her ground. We couldn't be more in love. We couldn't be more complete. And when the adoption is fully finalized I'll tell you more about her. But for now this is all you get. You get to know that we, as a family, are complete.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">God's timing, of course, was perfect. We met her at just the perfect time in our lives. Our boys are thrilled, especially our little one. Oh yeah, she's the middle child. Our youngest is so enamored of her it's unbelievable. He is not happy about only being with his sister on weekends he wants her here permanently now! The good thing is so does she! We have some very interesting conversations about names, and people of the family and birthdays, and when she comes to live with us forever. She's a pretty smart little cookie. I've been given heck a few times for calling her "Baby" when "I'm not a BABY!" So we've gone to Princess, which she loves!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So our family is getting along well. Our oldest is adjusting to his role as big brother to 2 quite well, but it is an adjustment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, we have a couple more weeks and then she's home forever. We can't wait!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">See? The wait is worth it...EVERY TIME!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'll update you again, soon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">God Bless you!</span></div>
Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-50653498812070566742012-10-23T14:58:00.000-07:002012-10-23T14:58:40.536-07:00A Friend Asked...<span style="font-size: large;">How am I doing? Well, physically I'm doing great! Emotionally, I'm OK. I'd like to say great but that wouldn't be the truth. So why am I just OK? Let me tell you.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We're still waiting. In case you're new here, we're waiting for an adoption placement.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Now, this isn't our first time on the roller coaster it's our 3rd. The waiting at any stage of adoption is hard. But it seems to be particularly difficult in the final stage. The stage after the application is accepted, the home study is done and approved and all you have left is the wait for the match. The wait for the phone call that has your ASW on the other end of the line saying, "I've found your child!" This is the hardest part.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Today is particularly hard. Mostly because I got that call. Well sort of. Our ASW called but it wasn't to say she found our children. It was to say that we'd been turned down for another sibling group. I guess this one was harder because it wasn't that the children had been placed just that their worker felt we weren't the right match. See when we get the call that says, "Sorry you weren't chosen, because the children have been placed." That is bittersweet. I get happy because children I was aware of and hoped to bring home, got a forever family. That makes me happy. But I get sad too because the children I hoped to bring home aren't coming. So we're back to waiting. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's been 3 long years since the beginning. Just over 2 years since we've been waiting to be matched. We had a few months when we were on 'unofficial hold' while we had our home study updated, and got to know our new worker. This ride on the roller coaster just seems longer and more up and down.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So, this weekend we're off to another matching event. I'm hoping we finally find our child or children at this one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We are a very strong christian family and we believe that our children will come when God says it's time, we're just wishing his clock worked more like ours. *Sigh* In His time. That's what keeps us going; that and the great support network we have. When you have a fantastic support network like ours, you just don't get stressed out all that much.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What keeps you going?</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-85665900767216562062012-10-11T13:58:00.003-07:002012-10-11T13:58:51.960-07:00Not Adoption Related...<span style="font-size: large;">Is today's topic. I just watched a news report on a young lady who just committed suicide because of bullying. The headline was "...now questions are being asked..." basically now that she's gone how can we stop bullying. Why is it ALWAYS AFTER someones child has taken their life? Why are we not working daily to teach our children to accept everyone and all life circumstances? Why are we only concerned for a day or two AFTER we hear about someones child killing themselves? What's wrong with TODAY?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I have a vague spark of an idea but I'm not sure how to fan the flame into a full blown firestorm of action.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">See my spark is that we, the parents, or adults in general, have to show up at all the schools in our towns everyday and stop the bullying. Things only get worse when it's just one child's parent(s) going to the school or the bully's family and trying to effect change. That bullied child gets bullied worse. I know, it was me, many moons ago. But things around this issue haven't changed much. They've gotten worse. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We have anti-bully day and then it's over. We all wear pink for a day. But what does it really do? Nothing. It does absolutely NOTHING! My child was bullied on anti-bully day 3 years ago. The bully was wearing pink, but it didn't stop him. The school staff did, thankfully. But that bully never truly got punished.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Back to my spark. How many people would volunteer to show up everyday at a community school until each and every school can state that there is NO BULLYING happening at their school? Inconvenient? You betcha, but isn't it better than sitting at a memorial for yet another child? Isn't it better to figure out who the bully's are and start helping them with their issues on a daily basis? Figure out who the victim's are and work with them so that the bully's don't have an opening?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I need help to figure this one out. I, for one, do not want to go to another funeral or memorial service, or celebration of life for one more single young person. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">HELP ME!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">P.S. I know there will be someone sitting at their desk thinking that bullying doesn't only happen to young people in school. That's true, but if we can eradicate it from the schools, we have a higher chance of eradicating it from workplaces too. It's a vicious circle. Let's break the cycle.</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-28294841903002456032012-08-07T11:03:00.000-07:002012-08-07T11:03:00.933-07:00Mean Mom...A couple of months ago my oldest son yelled at me, "You're a mean Mom!" He didn't like my response. I jumped up and down, pumping my arms in the air like an athlete who had just won first place in an Olympic event, screaming (yes screaming), " Yay! I did it! Where's my trophy?" My son went into a pout and asked, "Why are you so happy when I just called you a mean mom?" I said, "Because it's always been my goal to be a mean mom, just like my mom was to me." He queried, "Why?" I replied, "Because it means I'm your mom, not your friend and I'm teaching you the ways of the world and not sugar coating things. I'm teaching you that the world doesn't revolve around you and that you have to work for you accomplishments." Again, I got the pout with the arms folded crossly over his chest.<br />
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Now some of you may think I'm being harsh because my child has FASD and can't possibly understand the ways of the world or learn to do things for himself at only 8 years old. Well, I disagree. My son (both of them actually) is highly intelligent. He does have some learning disabilities, but that just means repetition, not molly coddling him. He can, and will if I have anything to say about it, learn to be a good citizen of this world. I will do my very best to raise him to be happy (whatever his definition is) in how he chooses to live his life. I will do my very best to teach him how to stand on his own two feet. Does that mean he will be out of my house at 18 years of age, doubtful, but one day he will. And oh yes, I will be there to help when it's needed. That may mean more teaching but it's still help.<br />
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So where does this come from today, you may ask. Well it comes from a book my Mum bought me when I told her about being called a mean mom. While strolling through Wal Mart one day soon after that, she came across a book called "Mean Moms Rule" By Denise Schipani. What an inspiring and confirming book. I recommend this book to all moms. This lady talks about how doing the hard stuff now creates good kids later. Whether you're adopting typical kids or children with higher needs, this book has some very good advice even for us. Yes she's talking about having biological children, (although she does mention adoption a couple of times) she talks a lot about the peer pressure we as parents feel from other parents who are following "the societal pack". Times have changed since our grandparents, and parents have raised children, that's true, but our world isn't that much different. Yes we have more cars and they're faster, but the amount of child predators isn't truly anymore it's just more publicized. But I'm off the point. Read this book. It will show you just how you can take your children and raise them to be good and productive citizens.<br />
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Have a great day and God bless you all!Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-28219450597914233432012-07-05T16:26:00.001-07:002012-07-05T16:26:22.000-07:00Happy Canada Day, Eh?So it's been over a month since I've written, again. Sorry about that. I've been ill, busy, and anxious.<br />
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I was ill with what was originally thought to be pneumonia, but turned out to be nothing more than a really nasty, clingy, forever relationship type cold/cough. (We just found out it wasn't pneumonia even though it sure felt like it!)<br />
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I was busy with the end of school for my oldest. He did amazing! He actually finished school to the very last day. We checked with him a couple of times a week to see if he was managing alright or if he wanted to be pulled out early. He was having a good time and coping with the lack of routine quite well. So proud of him. He also got promoted to Grade 4! With flying colours I might add! So now he's home for the summer.<br />
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I've been anxious because we still have no placement. We were asked about a sibling group and whether or not we could handle their special needs and were we comfortable considering a need we'd said no to. After a few days discussion we said yes. Please send us the whole proposal package. That's when the other shoe dropped. The workers of the children told us (well our worker) that they haven't even looked at our homestudy yet! They don't even know if we're the family they want for the children! Grrrr. It's so frustrating. So we're sitting here waiting to hear whether or not we're going to even get a proposal package for the children. Been a couple of weeks now. So, in the mean time if other children come along we'll view their packages. Maybe our children are still out there waiting for the right time to come forward. All in God's time. It's also been suggested that maybe I need someone to talk to. Someone who isn't familiar with our situation. Someone who can be an unbiased sounding board for me, who can help me deal with the anxiety that is perceived. I admit that I'm somewhat tense about the situation, but I do have people who help when I need to talk. People who understand the way I feel, not some total stranger whose never been in a situation similar to mine. Don't get me wrong; I'm all for counsellors. I think they are highly needed and I respect them greatly. There are times when I truly feel I need one and I seek the appropriate one. I am of the belief that for a counsellor to be effective, they need to have life experience as well as book knowledge and unfortunately with my research, I haven't found one locally who has the experience I'm looking for. But I will find one and take care of my issues. The first step is admitting there is an issue. (I won't make the exact quote because I don't have an addiction.)<br />
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So, in the last month and a bit our youngest had his 4th birthday! He's growing up so fast. He got spoiled rotten. All of our family and friends gathered for a luncheon and cake and tonnes of presents. Our boy is doing so well. I'm so proud of him too.<br />
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Well there's been a lot more things going on, but some are just too personal to share. I shared the bits I shared today to show that adoption is a long and rough road. Anyone who thinks it's all sunshine and lollipops is on glue! This isn't easy and occasionally we need help. Never be afraid to admit you need help. It's for the best.<br />
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Have a great day and God Bless!<br />
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<br />Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-13438092952585833832012-05-25T13:26:00.000-07:002012-05-25T13:26:02.265-07:00Parental Support...Is there any? This topic has been on my mind for some time now. The inspiration/courage to make this post comes from an online friend who just posted to her blog about it too. So here goes.<br />
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We all know that my DH and I are adoptive parents to two of the most beautiful and wonderful boys in the world. We also know that we are not secretive about their special needs either. We work diligently with the professionals that our boys need. We do it with gusto and without shame. We view our boys needs as another way to utilize the gifts God gave them and help them be a force in this world in a way that a "typical" child won't be able to. What we don't do so openly is seek help for ourselves. As parents. That's not to say that we don't seek assistance when we need it, we do; but not necessarily professional help.<br />
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There are agencies that provide every form of help for our special needs children. But what there isn't an abundance of is professionals who actually specialize in helping the parents of those children. Most often those parents need someone to talk to who will listen and say, " I get it! I've been where you are. You are not alone. I can help you." That help needs to come in the form of an empathetic ear. A shoulder that is prepared to be good and soggy. A hand that is willing to help a person get back up from the depths of despair from parenting a child with special needs and feeling like a complete failure. There is no such thing as a failure when it comes to parenting the special needs child....unless you do nothing. If you pretend your special needs child is absolutely typical and do nothing but live in denial, then yes, you're probably failing. Sorry. That is the cold hard fact. For those of us/you that do everything that is suggested and that you can think of and nothing seems to work with your child, you need someone you can turn to. You're not alone.<br />
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This post is my accountability to those of you who know me and those of you who don't. I'm going back to school. I'm going to get the diploma to go along with the life experience I've had for 35 years. I'm going to do what (to the best of my knowledge) nobody in this community has done, and that is get my counselling diploma first then become professionally available to families of special needs children. I'm going to do whatever I can to offer help and solutions (actual solutions) for those who are heading down that spiraling road of despair. When that means I have to physically assist in some way then I will. The families will know that I'm not just offering platitudes but that I've been (or am) where they are! I will work together with these families to build an actual working together community of support. In this community with a heart, we can!<br />
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Stay tuned, I'm jazzed. <br />
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Have a great day, and God Bless You!Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-15169001265049799342012-04-25T12:13:00.001-07:002012-04-25T12:13:44.562-07:00Progress...<br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So the other day I told you about having figured out how to be the
squeaky wheel. Well as it turns out (and
as I look back over the week) it was all God.
Each and every day last week He gave me the reason to contact my
adoption social worker. So this week, I’m
sitting here and as a wise friend reminded me: Psalm 37:7 “Be still before the
Lord and wait patiently for Him.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I received a message from my worker yesterday informing me that 2
searches for children did not pan out but that she will check on them again in
a month or so, IF we’re still looking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So that makes me hopeful that I can indeed remember to be still
and wait patiently and His will will be done.
Now I know that some of you are probably not Christians or faith based
of any kind, but my family is and this why I talk about God. If it bothers you I’m sorry but I won’t
change my faith to not upset others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">My hubby and I decided to take this journey wholly based on our
faith. We prayed and prayed and listened
quietly for God to lead us in His direction.
If we hadn’t we wouldn’t have the beautiful children we have now. Now we are on that path again. We prayed (and still pray) and listened (and
still listen) and truly feel that God is guiding us to another or more children
who need us and whom we need. We are so
blessed to be able to build our family through adoption. It is a struggle. It is an emotional roller coaster. It is a test of your faith. It is an amazing reward at the end when you
bring your child/ren home. Don’t believe
me? Go ask a friend of ours who is
bringing home their new family member today.
They waited what felt like forever too.
Today is the culmination of all the emotions that they had to go through
and process and endure. Today they get
their reward and so does their child.
CONGRATULATIONS!! (I hope they’re reading this.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So why would I consider 2 refusals progress? Because it means that we’re at the forefront
of our workers minds, and that God is getting ready to grant our hearts
desires. When you’ve gone as long as we
have without any movement whatsoever, 2 refusals IS progress! Progress that we’re happy about!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So if you’re thinking of throwing in the towel because you’ve been
waiting forever and nothing is happening, hold on! Go talk to someone who is where you are, or
has been where you are. Find a support
group for pre and post adoptive parents.
Believe me it helps! If you’re in
my neck of the woods, the group I facilitate for the AFA BC meets every 3<sup>rd</sup>
Monday of each month. Send me a message
and I’ll send you the reminders. You don’t
have to wait alone. We’re out here too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Have a great day and God Bless you all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-44268826651636843932012-04-20T18:38:00.004-07:002012-04-20T18:38:38.879-07:00Squeaky Wheel...Well I must say that God works in mysterious ways. Not too many days ago I was feeling completely lost and in despair about our adoption journey. Then this week, God has provided a reason to call my adoption worker everyday! I'm sure she is getting tired of hearing my voice and seeing her inbox flooded with emails from me.<br />
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The good thing is is that not every conversation has been about adoption, directly. One has been about funding for an Autism Conference being held next month in a close neighbouring community, but there is no way I can afford the fees to go without funding help. Unfortunately, MCFD doesn't do that. They apparently really don't like to do funding for their own staff to go to these types of conferences for education either. Oh well. Talking to my worker on the phone gave us another chance to get to know each other a wee bit better; which was really nice.<br />
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Another reason was to find out if she would be upset or offended if I contacted a private adoption agency that is publicly promoting ministry children. The only reason I even asked was because both of my workers were on holidays and there were 2 beautiful little sisters that were being publicly profiled. My hubby and I wanted more information. By the time I was able to decide if I wanted to take the chance that our workers would be miffed at us, they were back and my local worker checked and the little ones had already found their forever family. YAY for them! So happy when I know that waiting children are getting placed.<br />
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Yet another reason was because the bulletin got updated and there were children on it that we are very interested in. Will we be granted the privilege of adopting these children? That's up to God. We're praying for His will at His time. Even though we wish His timing was much more in sync with ours. But I think God has a great sense of humour and this is His was of making us practice patience. We're trying Lord, we're trying.<br />
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So another reason was to find out about our home-study update. It's being reviewed and waiting for our criminal records check to come back. Nothing's changed with anything so once the check is back everything will be full steam ahead again. Oh yeah when you're adopting you have to have everything updated every year.<br />
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So last night it was funny when my hubby asked what reason I would have to call our worker today. I said I don't know, but God will give me a reason. He did.<br />
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With all the action this week I feel confident that our children or child is on their way. Soon.<br />
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So if you're a waiting parent and feeling the frustration of the ages, believe me I understand. Just hang in there. Your kids are coming. You want them to be the right kids not just kids because you're desperate. That's no good for anyone. Deep breathing exercises have helped me, give that a try. It also doesn't hurt to be the squeaky wheel. It usually gets the grease.<br />
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Have a great night and God Bless you all!Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-38762857890151819932012-04-16T10:39:00.000-07:002012-04-16T10:39:58.914-07:00Bulletin Profiles...My husband and I were sitting here this morning having our morning coffee and enjoying our conversation time. One of our topics was the bulletin. Here are our thoughts:<br />
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We were discussing how the bulletin doesn't get updated very often. With us being in the process of looking (waiting) for our next child(ren), we find it odd that the bulletin profiles are so very out of date. We were pondering the fact that families who are profiled and waiting have to update their homestudies once a year, yet there are children on the bulletin who haven't been updated in 5 or 6 years! How is this right?<br />
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For example, there is one particular child whose profile starts with "So and so is about to turn 1! Imagine all the milestones you would get to witness and enjoy with them." When you look up to the birthdate that child is going to turn 6 this summer! How is it right that that child's profile is 5 years or more out of date?! (Summarized)<br />
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Now understand that we understand that ALL workers have large caseloads and are very busy, but they have to check on these children at least once a year, couldn't they then take a picture and update the profile? Then submit the revised profile for upload? If families have to keep their homestudies up to date why shouldn't the children's profiles be up to date? Wouldn't it be easier to find families for these beautiful, waiting children when the prospective parents have current information about their needs?<br />
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Even at matching events the children who are profiled (some not all) are quite often presented with out of date profiles. <br />
For example, we were recently at a matching event and one of the children profiled was 10 or 11 years old but their printed profile was from the age of 4 or 5 years old. I ask you, how is this right? How are you going to find families for these children when you aren't presenting current information?<br />
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Speaking from personal experience my husband and I were considering some children and their proposal package contained tonnes and tonnes of information but the information wasn't current. The children were 8 and 10 years old, but the information stopped when they were 3 and 5 years old. Even in a proposal package the information wasn't kept current. We pointed that out to our then worker and she went and got us the more current information. Unfortunately those children weren't a fit for us and we weren't a fit for them. They have since been adopted by a wonderful family! Praise the Lord!<br />
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So, I'm just sitting here wondering how I can go about helping the children of our province that are waiting for forever families get there. Is there any way that I can help the workers? If there is, please let me know. I'm more than willing to do whatever it takes to get BC's Waiting Children into their forever families.<br />
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Have a great day and God Bless you all!Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-444115437267122575.post-45160613027763741212012-04-14T19:42:00.000-07:002012-04-14T19:42:19.651-07:00I Need Help...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCbAYG6VxEK8HrAd5YHD7KwIp7bHbILQyt-oyhAyMQLjle12mTzTs4vbQtp-MlZ389tEubUg6Z5FAbiyy7FNTsW7WDqU4zg-wg5LCbLsovHtvmxIvOddrK4fy4qZOiaAA36a1Tt9oxWnk/s1600/strengthandsad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCbAYG6VxEK8HrAd5YHD7KwIp7bHbILQyt-oyhAyMQLjle12mTzTs4vbQtp-MlZ389tEubUg6Z5FAbiyy7FNTsW7WDqU4zg-wg5LCbLsovHtvmxIvOddrK4fy4qZOiaAA36a1Tt9oxWnk/s320/strengthandsad.jpg" width="287" /></a></div>So I borrowed this picture from a friend. Thank you! But today it hit home for me. Actually it was late last night. I have always known that those people who are there for everybody are the ones who need someone the most.<br />
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Lately, that's me. I am not a whiner. I don't complain. Oh sure, every once in a while I will tell someone that I'm ticked off about something, or I'll confide that I'm not exactly happy but somewhere in that process I'll also make it sound like it's no big deal.<br />
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Honestly, I think it's time I stopped being that person who doesn't ask for help. Or rather maybe it's the way I ask for help. I keep hearing that asking for help is a sign of strength. Personally, I believe it is. For others. For me, not so much. So when I reach out to certain people maybe they don't realize that's what I'm doing. So them not responding to me is my fault. Mostly because the people I've been calling on lately don't know me all that well. So I guess I'll have to be more blunt. Yeah right...that is NOT going to happen.<br />
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Then there are those who have known me for a very long time and if you ask them what it's like if they try to find out if I'm OK, they'll tell you it's like pulling teeth, or that I'm fine.<br />
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I am someone who has, for my entire talking life, been there for everyone. Perfect strangers will start talking to me about their problems in the grocery store line up. So for me it's just a natural thing to listen and help others when I can.<br />
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Now, it's my turn. I need help. I have asked some very specific people for help. Those who are in the know. Those who are in a position to help. Those that are also extremely busy. I understand that, I truly, honestly do. I think my problem with them being extremely busy and brushing me off, if they answer at all, is that no matter what I'm doing if someone calls for help, I drop everything and I do mean everything, and give them my undivided attention. The only thing that trumps me helping someone is my kids. Even then my kid has to be in dire need for me to interrupt a person that needs my help.<br />
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I guess because my dad was a natural counselor and I seem to be one too, I have a hard time asking for help. I see asking for help as a sign of strength; a sign of recognizing one's own limits; but when I do finally swallow my pride (yes my pride because I don't like to bother other people) and reach out for assistance and get brushed off, the next time I need help it will be even harder to ask again.<br />
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So, I guess my message here is if someone is asking for help, don't brush them off, if you can't make time immediately then set a time. You don't know the difference you might be making in someone's life.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06973204981257754475noreply@blogger.com0