Frustrated...

Here I am again, kind of lost as to what to write about.  Lots of things have been going on but, some are too personal, some are too boring, some are just whining.  So what do I tell you about today?  Frustrations I guess.

I'm frustrated these days.  Frustrated about a lot of things.  We're playing the waiting game in our adoption and I've hit the discouragement stage.  We met with our SW last Monday and we asked about a sibling group.  This particular group is one we enquired about before Christmas but were told they were on a temporary hold due to new information.  OK.  So we asked about them again.  Now it's Thursday and it's 4 days since our worker was supposed to have contacted their worker.  Nothing.  Nada. Zip.  Nil.  I HATE waiting!  How am I dealing with it?  I'm not.  I'm wallowing in the frustration and discouragement.  Not a good thing at all.  I'm even too down to pretend I'm not.  You know, fake it 'til you make it?  I will be over it next week.  It's the way I operate.  I wallow and trudge through it and then get over it.  Takes about a week. 

My little one keeps coming over to me and giving me hugs and kisses and asking, "Mama 'k?"  2 year old-ese for are you OK Mama? LOL
I smile and tell him that I am now.  His hugs and kisses have a healing property.  In the moment I'm good.  My oldest just keeps reminding me it's about God's timing.  I think the problem is that this time I'm doing something I've never done before.  Even before I saw this group's picture I KNEW what they looked like.  I KNEW who they were.  I saw it all so clearly in my mind.  These children live nowhere near me, yet I knew them.  Just from a couple of paragraphs on a web page.  Even our worker stated that they looked familiar.  They really resemble our boys.  This time I've been picturing what our family would look like with them in it.  What we would all do together, how we would all get along.  I think that if their worker says no to us that I'm going to have to go through the grieving process.  I'm not looking forward to that.  But I am praying daily that God would grant my heart this desire.

I've never felt so strongly about children before.  Our 2 boys didn't have profiles for us to look at yet the call came about them (one at a time of course) and I didn't need any information at all about them I just knew they were ours.  It's like that with these kids.  They already feel like ours.  I'm hoping my hubby finds a way to pull me back down to earth so I don't fall too hard if the call comes that we can't adopt them.

So that's my biggest frustration these days.  It's one that all adoptive parents know and understand.  The waiting game is horrible.  When you're in the application, AEP, home study processes, you have something to blame.  You have more steps to complete before you're eligible to adopt.  But once you've completed all your steps there's nothing left to blame.  You're just waiting.  You have to find ways to occupy your mind so that your focus is on something other than your phone not ringing!  So I know that come next week, Monday to be precise, I will start a new week and have something else to focus on.  Two sets of friends and their adoptions.

We have two sets of friends who are at different stages in the proposal process.  One set meets their new children for the first time in the next 10 days or so, and the other set are making a final decision as to whether or not to move forward with their proposal for another child.

The first set is anxious and excited because they've been waiting since October to move forward and meet their new kids.  These are first time adoptive parents and the whole process has been overwhelming and now it's finally happening for them.  We're very excited for them!  It's a good thing for me to focus on.

So, if you meet me on the street and I don't seem quite myself, now you know why.
Have a wonderful day and I'll keep you posted!