Christmas Was...

Wonderful, stressful, full of excitement and cooled anger.  Flare ups happened and rages happened but overall I think it was a success!

Christmas Eve is spent at my sisters.  Always a wonderful night of being together with family and close friends, great food and a wonderful, joy filled atmosphere.  This year was even better for hubby and I as our little one was quite a bit better (read less amped up and less screaming) and hubby and I actually got to eat dinner together!  We also got to stay longer than just dinner and run!

Santa showed up this year at my sisters to all of the children's (big and small) delight!  The best part was watching the kids stand outside for quite some time and waiting to see Santa fly off the roof!  The question after about 20 minutes was "Is Santa's sleigh magic?  I couldn't see him fly away."  We all said yes and the matter was over for another year.

Hubby and I stayed for a little while longer and then took the boys home to bed.  We prepared for Santa at home and put the boys down for their sleep.
Hubby and I stayed up for a couple of hours more getting everything ready for Santa.

Christmas morning was wonderful!  Nana and Papa came over early to watch the children open their gifts and everyone had a good time.  The 3 year old was cooked after his stocking and we had to keep prodding him to open the rest of his gifts.  The 8 year old was tearing through his gifts.  He got so excited and almost forgot the rest of his gifts when he got the one toy gift he asked for.  It was a Ben 10 Alien Disc somethingorother!  But we got through everything.  The little one had a minor melt down half way through gift opening because he was just so tired.  But like I said, we got through.

The rest of the day went pretty well.  The 8 year old had to be timed out because he had a major melt down and tried to hurt his brother.  But we nipped that in the bud and made him understand that his anger was something he could deal with.  Deep breathing and sitting quietly for about 30 minutes (of his own timing) seemed to help him alot.  Christmas is an overwhelming day so we expected the outbursts.

Christmas Dinner was exquisite!  My hubby the chef (red seal) made the entire dinner and we all walked away over stuffed and had to wait a couple of hours to indulge in the home made pumpkin cheesecake, turtle pie, and apple pie.  Whoo!  I'm stuffed again just writing about it.  We had a couple of friends come over for dessert too and had a wonderful time with them until bed time.

Boxing Day we went shopping at our local Wal Mart and got started on next Christmas's shopping.  That's always fun.  Hopefully I won't forget where I put those presents by next year!

So now we're just relaxing until New Year's Eve.  We have a few friends coming over and we'll ring in the new year quietly playing games with family and friends.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and from my family to yours, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Have a great day and God Bless you all!

Excuse Me But Can You Tell Me Where I'm Going?

I received what I thought was a thought provoking email from a friend this morning.  What it actually turned out to be was something quite different.  Here it is:

 "I found this anonymous article deeply moving-- I hope you do, too."

 Bagpiper at a Funeral

 As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. 

 Recently I was asked by a Funeral director to play at a
graveside service for a homeless Man. 

 He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a
Pauper's' cemetery in the back country.

 As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being
a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

 I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had
evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. 

 There were only the Diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

 I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. 

 I went to the Side of the grave and looked down and the vault
lid was already in place. 

 I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

 The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. 

 I played my heart and soul out for this man with no family and
friends. 

 I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

 And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. 

 They wept I wept, we all wept together. 

 When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. 

 Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

 As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, 

 "I Never seen nothin' like that before 

 and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

 Apparently I'm still lost....it's a man thing.

So as you can see, it's a bit of a joke.  But for me it was also thought provoking.  The last line stating that the man is still lost and it's a man thing.  Being lost is not just a man thing.  It's also a mother thing, parental thing, human being thing.  For me it's a mother thing.  The last few entries here have shown you that I feel lost... A LOT.

I'm lost on most of my children's behaviours, some of the things they do and say to eachother simply baffle me and leave me feeling lost.  How to cope and help them learn is a feeling of helplessness and being lost like no other.  The key to all of this though is to ask for help.  Stop and ask for directions.  Even if the person or people you're asking don't know the exact route to help you get where you want to go, you asked.  You might still be lost, but at least maybe set on the right path.

Hope this made some sense to you.

Have a great night and God Bless You.
 

Ahhhh....

The peace and quiet of an early morning.  The children are still asleep, my husband went into work early (hence he'll be home earlier), the only thing missing (and I'm not missing it) is a nice hot cup of coffee.

Yesterday went quite a bit better than the day before that I blogged about.  Our oldest only tried once to actually hurt his little brother and I think that is in part due to a new coping technique suggested to me by a new friend.  This new friend lives in the same situation as we do and understands our feelings.  I had posted the blog entry to my very much appreciated online support group and got a whole bunch of fantastic and reasonable suggestions.  All of which I'm going to incorporate into this families life and see how they work.  I also got some excellent suggestions from a real world friend that I'll be able to use as well.  Those suggestions I know will work, because they're dependent on mine and the husband's dedication and have  less to do with the children's abilities.

Yesterday, I ran into a friend in a local store and I immediately hugged her and wished her a Merry Christmas.  Poor thing, don't think she knew who I was until I let go and actually looked her in the eye!  We had a good, quick catch up and went our separate ways.  But I sure thanked God for her presence right when He placed her in my path.  I needed a real friend right there and then, and there she was!  Apparently she needed me too.  So it worked out for both of us and seems to have restored both our Christmas spirit a little.

Last night my hubby and I made craft gifts for my family.  For once I can take all the credit for these gifts because it was all my idea.  Hubby only helped a little.  Unless...they don't like them then it's all HIS doing!
Hubby and I also sat and wrapped gifts for the children last night.  We have decided that this Christmas is going to be as it always is...special and wonderful and full of magic.  Next year we really start working hard on teaching the children (not that we haven't been, we'll just employ different tactics) how to love one another without being physically harmful to one another.  Hopefully too we'll have new additions to our family which will take the focus of the boys off one another as well.  In a good way of course.

Have a Great Day and God Bless you!

My Dilemma...

My dilemma is how do I keep my 2 beautiful sons from hurting eachother daily?

Both my boys are FASD and NAS.  For those of you not in the know FASD is Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and NAS is Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome.  Broken down completely it means these babies were exposed to drugs and alcohol before they were born.

My daily struggle with my boys is that they seem to enjoy inflicting pain on one another.  Now I know this is not unique to just my children, or even to just my boys.  Alot of people will say that it's just a boy thing.  But I don't think it is.  Boys like to play and rough house and sometimes (OK most times) it ends in tears with most 'typical' boys.  My boys aren't typical.  They have special needs.  My dilemma is how do I manage it?  I know I can't stop it or 'cure' it but how do I manage it?

I have tried everything I can think of and gone to all of the experts in the field either personally or through their literature and nothing is working.

Right now I'm at actually threatening no presents on Christmas morning.  My 8 year old understands the concept of being on the nice or naughty list for Santa and even knowing (and he admits) he's on the naughty list, isn't doing anything to curb certain behaviours.  A lot of their behaviours aren't controllable by them at this point but some of it is.  My husband and I want to take our boys to have their pictures taken with Santa but they're both so banged up (and it's visible) that the pictures just wouldn't be nice reminders of this Christmas.
So what do I do?

Do I go ahead and go through with Christmas like we've always done or do I carry out my threat and they get nothing, well maybe one or two little presents, on Christmas?

Any Mums out there have any advice?  I'm desperate to help my boys learn, it's not about hurting their feelings or torturing them on Christmas, I just want to help them learn how to be nice to one another.

Help?!

This Morning Was...

EXCITING!!!!

For the first time in his young life my 8 year old strapped on a pair of ice skates and took off!  Well... OK he didn't take off but he held his Aunty L's hand and stepped onto the ice.  It was also the first time I witnessed him try something new without fighting for an hour first.

It had a lot to do with his Aunty being a hockey player.  He wasn't sure he even wanted to go skating with his class, but when Aunty L said she would go with him and teach him how to skate, he was completely on board!

I can't skate.  No balance whatsoever, but even I almost put on skates and asked my step-sister to teach me too.  They looked like they were having the best time.  My little man had an ear to ear grin for the full hour they were on the ice.  I got a couple of pictures but they didn't turn out too well.

As for the location they were in, it was simply magical.  Our local skating arena gets decorated every Christmas season and it's called Winter Wonderland.  It's magical.  The lights get turned downed low and it's like your skating outside in a beautiful snow covered forest.  Watching my son in that environment was awe inspiring.  I think we're going to go as a family (Daddy can skate) and see if Mum and the 3 year old can keep up to the new pro in the family.  If not then we're all going to get a lot of giggles out of watching Mummy fall on her bum!

Hope your day was magical too.

Have a great night and God Bless you!

I'm Just Too Tired...

To write.  So I'll give you a quick update.

The visit with my in-laws went swimmingly.  No sarcasm there.  It really did go well.  My mother-in-law and I had a good conversation about some of our differences and got them squared away.  We're working on a clean slate and taking our relationship to a new level.  That makes me very happy.

I have not as yet made the butter tarts.  Been too tired after my days with my 3 year old.  He is so ramped up that I don't even get a potty break until my husband gets home from work. I'm now up to 3 broken ornaments.  I'm hoping after Christmas he settles down and things get back to normal.  Well as normal as normal gets in this house.

My eldest sons concert was today and it was fabulous.  Nothing like watching elementary school aged children singing about Ebeneezer Scrooge to put you in the Christmas spirit.

This Friday is my oldests skating party and I'm looking forward to that.  He's never been on the ice and I can't skate, so his step-aunty is coming to teach him how to skate.  She's a hockey player for our local ladies team and they're both excited for this opportunity.

Saturday we are all going to an adoptive families Christmas party in a neighbouring community and we're all excited about that.

So there you have it.

Have a good night and God Bless you.

I'm Sitting Here....

Contemplating doing something I've never ever done before in my life.

Making butter tarts!  I don't bake.  Well that's not quite accurate, I can't bake.  I ruin Mr. Christie's cookies simply by removing them from their packaging!  But today I was inspired by the most beautiful woman I know.  The woman who taught me not to fear trying something new.  The woman who raised me to be a strong, independent woman.  That's right, my Mum.

My mum and her husband came for coffee today (thank you for bringing the Timmy's) and brought me and my family a tin full of shortbread cookies, butter tarts, and 2 mince meat tarts.  After they left I texted my hubby at work and gave him a shopping list.  These are things I would like picked up on his way home from work.  Midway through my list I got a text from him saying, "Keep it coming baby."  I did.  He knew instantly that I wanted to make butter tarts but I confused him by asking for dates.  Dates in a butter tart you may ask? No!  I found an easy recipe for date squares.  One of my husbands favorite sweets.  I thought I would try to make them for him.  But he couldn't find any dates in our grocery store.  So no date squares tonight.

I'll let you know tomorrow how my tarts turned out.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day as well.  My husbands parents are coming to visit.  We haven't seen them in 2 years almost to the day.  It's been a stressful couple of years with them but I'm hoping tomorrow will mark the beginning of a new and loving era for us all.  I want my children to know their grandparents, so we shall see.

You may be asking if my Christmas tree is still standing and if it's still in its entirety.  YES!  The 3 year old only went near it a couple of times and didn't do much.  His biggest interest with it at the moment is the lights.  He wants them on and then he wants them off.  He likes to play with the plug.  He's learning (I hope) that the plug is dangerous and that once it's in it stays in.  But at least for today the tree is still standing, the lights are still working, and my 3 year old baby boy went to bed without any injuries.  Here's praying that tomorrow goes better or at least the same way.

Have a great night and God Bless you!

Tonight Was...

Interesting.  We've had our tree up for about a week.  It's up.  Not decorated...until tonight.
You may be asking why we had it up without decorations for so long.  Well...that's because of the 3 year old.  We have our ceiling decorated like we do every Christmas and it looks lovely.  Festive even.  I put one glass plate with 3 white candles that have snowflake decorations on them on my antique teak table and one of my favorite angel ornaments on top of my dvd tower and that's it.  The three year old likes to destroy things.  My angel which we thought was safe is now in the trash.  He and his brother were chasing each other around the house when we instructed the older brother to sit down and ignore his brother.  He didn't.  The little one for the first time grabbed my dvd tower and shook it until my angel fell off and smashed!  Now normally I don't get all that upset over 'things', but this angel was from my mum and very special to me.  So I got very upset.  Especially with the oldest boy because if he'd just followed directions my angel would still be intact.  Oh well c'est la vie.

So, we've been decorating slowly hoping to get the little one to just slowly accept the changes.  I don't think it's going to work.  He broke one of my hand made glass ornaments tonight while Daddy was decorating the tree.  We get the boys to help decorate and that way they're proud of their accomplishment and leave it alone.
Well that's how it worked with the oldest.  The little one is so very different.  I'm hoping the tree survives tomorrow.  I think it looks beautiful.

So, after decorating we had dinner and for about an hour until the little one went to bed our tree has survived. For that I'm thankful.
Now you know why our tree stood for a week without decoration.

Have a great night and God Bless you.

Today Was Full...

Of highs and lows.

We started our day early by going to the doctor's office for shots.  Me and the boys all had to have shots.  I got my iron shot and the boys got their flu shots.  My boys were fantastic for the shots!  So proud of both of them.  My little one, up until the doctor gave him his shot, was so busy I actually had to gently restrain him at one point.  He was pulling that little exam room apart from ceiling to floor!  I'm sure both the doctor and his receptionist were happy to see the back of us!  That was a high and a low.

Then we came home.  I kept the oldest home from school today to make sure he didn't have any reactions to the  shot.  Which meant that both boys were home and the chaos ensued.  That was a low.  I couldn't wait until my husband got home from work!  By the time he got home I was exhausted and ready to go to bed.  But I'm not in bed and trying to relax now.

One of my highs today was getting to speak to our new adoption worker.  I've met her briefly a couple of times but today I got to rid myself of the confusion of who our worker is and who does what.
Our new worker is a lovely lady.  She's full of passion for her new position and can't wait to be fully certified to complete matches and bring children in care home to their forever families!  She is going to be a person that we'll be happy to include in our family.

Another high for me today is that I'm going to be included in the next session of Caring for First Nations course.  This is a course I learned about last spring and just missed getting registered for the Fall session.  So come January I will be able to participate and learn more about our First Nations culture and have a better understanding of their history and how to teach my family and other families how to integrate with our local First Nations community.  I'm extremely excited about this.

So there you have my day.  It was high and low and I'm happy to have experienced both.  When we have lows we learn to appreciate the highs that much more.

Have a great night and God Bless.