So, I'm going to take you on a little side trip today. I'm going to tell you about the present. I'm feeling a little out of sorts and a little guilty about feeling that way!
We are pursuing our third adoption, and anyone whose been through it knows that the hardest part (after the homestudy) is the waiting.
Patience isn't my strong suit. It is when it comes to small children and animals, less than capable adults, and teenagers (provided they aren't mine). But when it comes to the waiting game for adoption my patience is pretty much non existent. Much the same as any other adoptive parent waiting to hear who their child(ren) is going to be.
So, we've been officially approved for about a month now. Not a long time, and all adoptive families know it's very rare to get much movement in the first month. But usually there's SOMETHING! A computer that spit out your name with the names of a child or sibling group, or another adoption worker that saw your new homestudy and thought you looked interesting. Something! But for us nothing. Nada. Zip. Squat! It's disheartening and discouraging. In the group I facilitate for adoptive families I always spout that you have to be patient. You have to remember that the adoption workers only have so much time and too many cases, and they'll get to you when something important comes up. Oh I'm soooo good at doling out the advice. Now I have to follow it! Not exactly the easiest thing to do. So to my families in my group I apologize. Take my advice and throw it out the window! I say we need to stage a revolt. We need to lobby the government for more funds for more adoption workers and for those workers to be given more hours and let's get these kids home. Home to their forever families. One more day, week, month, or year is just way too long to go without the feeling of permanence and love. Too long for the families to be longing for their children, too long for the children to be wondering why they haven't been chosen?
So how do I deal with the waiting? That's a question that was asked of me recently. Well, I play with my kids (not as easy when you're waiting to be a first time Mummy or Daddy), I focus on my oldests homeschooling. I work on the computer, and I talk to my husband, mother, friends and just about anybody who will listen or at least pretend to. I sing....a lot. Right now with a nasty head cold I don't sound good, but I just tell my family to suck it up and realize that the more I sing the less grumpy I am because of the wait. They generally accept this with good humour. Mostly.
The waiting is the hardest part. Especially when a bulletin update happens. You know right away that each and every adoption social worker is being inundated with emails and telephone calls begging for information about a certain child or sibling group. Each and every family is determined to be their worker's main priority and it doesn't work that way. It's frustrating. It's annoying. It's reality. Right now I'm dealing with that reality. I don't like it and I want to change my reality. Unfortunately I don't have the power to do that. The reality is that my family's fate is in the hands of God first, and our adoption worker second. Between the two of them, we have to exercise that patience muscle and learn to live with the waiting.
So if you're waiting, like we are, then drop me a line (leave a comment) and tell me how you cope. It's through sharing that we all find a way to make it through this reality.
Thank you for taking this little side journey with me and I'll bring you back to the main road shortly. :)
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