Our Forever Day....

Is here!  March 9th, 2013 we brought our daughter home!

We are so tired and so happy I can't even describe what's going on in my mind. This little one had her going home party today.  We met so many of her lifetime friends and they were all so happy for her.  There were tears everywhere!  Including with me.  The hardest part for me today was watching her beautiful foster mum say her good byes.  Well it's not good bye, it's see you soon.  Her foster parents and my hubby and I have developed a beautiful friendship and we have all agreed that we are one, big, happy family now.  Our girl won't get to see them for a few weeks in order to help her bond and attach to us, but they will be a part of her (and our) life forever.

Today was extremely emotional.  For all of us.  There were 5 or 6 social workers at the party today.  All of whom (except our adoption worker) have known our Princess most, if not all, of her life.  They all love her and are so happy for her having found her forever family.  They all made sure we knew exactly how precious she is and we assured them that we know and won't be taking a single moment with her for granted.  We assured them all that we know and appreciate that she is God's gift to us.

Around 2:00 PM today we had her foster parents take her to our vehicle and wave us off. It was bittersweet.  These wonderful people have raised her for the last 4 years (she's 6 years old) and love her like a daughter.  It was hard for me too to hug my new friend good bye for a while.  But like I said, it's not good bye, it's see you soon.

So for now I'm going to sign off and know that I'll keep you posted as we progress.

For those of you still waiting, hang in there.  It's always, and I do mean always, worth the wait.  The child or children you're waiting for will come at the exact right moment.

Good night, and God bless you all. 

The Last Matching Event...

...Brought us our new child!!!!  Can you say ecstatic? We can.

Sorry it's been so long since I've written.  There's a myriad of reasons, most of which I can't go into here.  So I'll share this matching story instead.

So October 26th was the date of the matching event.  We went and did our usual introduction to the other adoptive families and all the social workers.  We were having a great time.  We always do.  Meeting new people and commiserating with the families you've seen at every event for the last 2 years or so is strangely comforting.  Knowing you aren't the only family that hasn't been chosen in that time makes it a little easier to swallow that 'waiting pill'.

So, there we are.  Sitting at the matching event with one of our very good friends (who is also helping us talk to the guardianship workers) and up on the big screen pops this beautiful little girl.  Paul looks at me and says, "Honey! There she is!" I nod and say Ok, we'll check her out.  You have to understand that at this point I'm so discouraged and because she needs an aboriginal home, and we've just only learned about our aboriginal heritage, I just don't see it happening.  Our very good friend is prodding me from the other side saying there she is!

So, within a few minutes we get our lunch break.  I see the girls worker going to the table with all the families mini profiles and I sent Paul up to make sure she got ours.  That worker tells Paul that she knows where we're sitting and will be over in just a minute!  True to her word, she comes over and spends most of the lunch break talking to us about this beautiful girl!  Our very good friend stayed with us and interjected at just the right moment telling the worker a little bit about us and our commitment to our children.  Thank you CG!!!

So fast forward 3 and a bit months to February 2nd and we finally get to meet our beautiful daughter.  She's amazing!  She's a perfect fit in every way possible.  Our dream to have a girly girl daughter who has a little bit of tomboy in her too, is fulfilled. She knows how to handle her brothers and hold her ground.  We couldn't be more in love.  We couldn't be more complete.  And when the adoption is fully finalized I'll tell you more about her.  But for now this is all you get.  You get to know that we, as a family, are complete.

God's timing, of course, was perfect. We met her at just the perfect time in our lives. Our boys are thrilled, especially our little one.  Oh yeah, she's the middle child. Our youngest is so enamored of her it's unbelievable.  He is not happy about only being with his sister on weekends he wants her here permanently now!  The good thing is so does she! We have some very interesting conversations about names, and people of the family and birthdays, and when she comes to live with us forever.  She's a pretty smart little cookie.  I've been given heck a few times for calling her "Baby" when "I'm not a BABY!"  So we've gone to Princess, which she loves!

So our family is getting along well.  Our oldest is adjusting to his role as big brother to 2 quite well, but it is an adjustment. 

So, we have a couple more weeks and then she's home forever.  We can't wait!!!

See?  The wait is worth it...EVERY TIME!

I'll update you again, soon.

God Bless you!

A Friend Asked...

How am I doing?  Well, physically I'm doing great!  Emotionally, I'm OK.  I'd like to say great but that wouldn't be the truth.  So why am I just OK?  Let me tell you.

We're still waiting.  In case you're new here, we're waiting for an adoption placement.
Now, this isn't our first time on the roller coaster it's our 3rd.  The waiting at any stage of adoption is hard.  But it seems to be particularly difficult in the final stage.  The stage after the application is accepted, the home study is done and approved and all you have left is the wait for the match.  The wait for the phone call that has your ASW on the other end  of the line saying, "I've found your child!"  This is the hardest part.

Today is particularly hard. Mostly because I got that call.  Well sort of.  Our ASW called but it wasn't to say she found our children.  It was to say that we'd been turned down for another sibling group.  I guess this one was harder because it wasn't that the children had been placed just that their worker felt we weren't the right match.  See when we get the call that says, "Sorry you weren't chosen, because the children have been placed." That is bittersweet.  I get happy because children I was aware of and hoped to bring home, got a forever family.  That makes me happy.  But I get sad too because the children I hoped to bring home aren't coming. So we're back to waiting. 

It's been 3 long years since the beginning. Just over 2 years since we've been waiting to be matched.  We had a few months when we were on 'unofficial hold' while we had our home study updated, and got to know our new worker.  This ride on the roller coaster just seems longer and more up and down.

So, this weekend we're off to another matching event.  I'm hoping we finally find our child or children at this one.

We are a very strong christian family and we believe that our children will come when God says it's time, we're just wishing his clock worked more like ours.  *Sigh* In His time. That's what keeps us going; that and the great support network we have.  When you have a fantastic support network like ours, you just don't get stressed out all that much.

What keeps you going?

Not Adoption Related...

Is today's topic.  I just watched a news report on a young lady who just committed suicide because of bullying.  The headline was "...now questions are being asked..." basically now that she's gone how can we stop bullying.  Why is it ALWAYS AFTER someones child has taken their life?  Why are we not working daily to teach our children to accept everyone and all life circumstances?  Why are we only concerned for a day or two AFTER we hear about someones child killing themselves?  What's wrong with TODAY?

I have a vague spark of an idea but I'm not sure how to fan the flame into a full blown firestorm of action.

See my spark is that we, the parents, or adults in general, have to show up at all the schools in our towns everyday and stop the bullying.  Things only get worse when it's just one child's parent(s) going to the school or the bully's family and trying to effect change.  That bullied child gets bullied worse.  I know, it was me, many moons ago.  But things around this issue haven't changed much.  They've gotten worse.  

We have anti-bully day and then it's over.  We all wear pink for a day.  But what does it really do?  Nothing.  It does absolutely NOTHING!  My child was bullied on anti-bully day 3 years ago.  The bully was wearing pink, but it didn't stop him.  The school staff did, thankfully.  But that bully never truly got punished.

Back to my spark.  How many people would volunteer to show up everyday at a community school until each and every school can state that there is NO BULLYING happening at their school?  Inconvenient?  You betcha, but isn't it better than sitting at a memorial for yet another child?  Isn't it better to figure out who the bully's are and start helping them with their issues on a daily basis?  Figure out who the victim's are and work with them so that the bully's don't have an opening?

I need help to figure this one out.  I, for one, do not want to go to another funeral or memorial service, or celebration of life for one more single young person.  

HELP ME!!!

P.S.  I know there will be someone sitting at their desk thinking that bullying doesn't only happen to young people in school.  That's true, but if we can eradicate it from the schools, we have a higher chance of eradicating it from workplaces too. It's a vicious circle.  Let's break the cycle.

Mean Mom...

A couple of months ago my oldest son yelled at me, "You're a mean Mom!"  He didn't like my response.  I jumped up and down, pumping my arms in the air like an athlete who had just won first place in an Olympic event, screaming (yes screaming), " Yay! I did it! Where's my trophy?"  My son went into a pout and asked, "Why are you so happy when I just called you a mean mom?"  I said, "Because it's always been my goal to be a mean mom, just like my mom was to me."  He queried, "Why?"  I replied, "Because it means I'm your mom, not your friend and I'm teaching you the ways of the world and not sugar coating things.  I'm teaching you that the world doesn't revolve around you and that you have to work for you accomplishments."  Again, I got the pout with the arms folded crossly over his chest.

Now some of you may think I'm being harsh because my child has FASD and can't possibly understand the ways of the world or learn to do things for himself at only 8 years old.  Well, I disagree.  My son (both of them actually) is highly intelligent.  He does have some learning disabilities, but that just means repetition, not molly coddling him.  He can, and will if I have anything to say about it, learn to be a good citizen of this world.  I will do my very best to raise him to be happy (whatever his definition is) in how he chooses to live his life.  I will do my very best to teach him how to stand on his own two feet.  Does that mean he will be out of my house at 18 years of age, doubtful, but one day he will.  And oh yes, I will be there to help when it's needed.  That may mean more teaching but it's still help.

So where does this come from today, you may ask.  Well it comes from a book my Mum bought me when I told her about being called a mean mom.  While strolling through Wal Mart one day soon after that, she came across a book called "Mean Moms Rule" By Denise Schipani.  What an inspiring and confirming book.  I recommend this book to all moms.  This lady talks about how doing the hard stuff now creates good kids later.  Whether you're adopting typical kids or children with higher needs, this book has some very good advice even for us.  Yes she's talking about having biological children, (although she does mention adoption a couple of times) she talks a lot about the peer pressure we as parents feel from other parents who are following "the societal pack".  Times have changed since our grandparents, and parents have raised children, that's true, but our world isn't that much different.  Yes we have more cars and they're faster, but the amount of child predators isn't truly anymore it's just more publicized.  But I'm off the point.  Read this book.  It will show you just how you can take your children and raise them to be good and productive citizens.

Have a great day and God bless you all!

Happy Canada Day, Eh?

So it's been over a month since I've written, again.  Sorry about that.  I've been ill, busy, and anxious.

I was ill with what was originally thought to be pneumonia, but turned out to be nothing more than a really nasty, clingy, forever relationship type cold/cough.  (We just found out it wasn't pneumonia even though it sure felt like it!)

I was busy with the end of school for my oldest.  He did amazing!  He actually finished school to the very last day.  We checked with him a couple of times a week to see if he was managing alright or if he wanted to be pulled out early.  He was having a good time and coping with the lack of routine quite well.  So proud of him.  He also got promoted to Grade 4!  With flying colours I might add!  So now he's home for the summer.

I've been anxious because we still have no placement.  We were asked about a sibling group and whether or not we could handle their special needs and were we comfortable considering a need we'd said no to.  After a few days discussion we said yes.  Please send us the whole proposal package.  That's when the other shoe dropped.  The workers of the children told us (well our worker) that they haven't even looked at our homestudy yet!  They don't even know if we're the family they want for the children!  Grrrr.  It's so frustrating.  So we're sitting here waiting to hear whether or not we're going to even get a proposal package for the children.  Been a couple of weeks now.  So, in the mean time if other children come along we'll view their packages.  Maybe our children are still out there waiting for the right time to come forward.  All in God's time.  It's also been suggested that maybe I need someone to talk to.  Someone who isn't familiar with our situation. Someone who can be an unbiased sounding board for me, who can help me deal with the anxiety that is perceived.  I admit that I'm somewhat tense about the situation, but I do have people who help when I need to talk.  People who understand the way I feel, not some total stranger whose never been in a situation similar to mine.  Don't get me wrong; I'm all for counsellors.  I think they are highly needed and I respect them greatly.  There are times when I truly feel I need one and I seek the appropriate one.  I am of the belief that for a counsellor to be effective, they need to have life experience as well as book knowledge and unfortunately with my research, I haven't found one locally who has the experience I'm looking for.  But I will find one and take care of my issues.  The first step is admitting there is an issue.  (I won't make the exact quote because I don't have an addiction.)

So, in the last month and a bit our youngest had his 4th birthday!  He's growing up so fast.  He got spoiled rotten.  All of our family and friends gathered for a luncheon and cake and tonnes of presents.  Our boy is doing so well.  I'm so proud of him too.

Well there's been a lot more things going on, but some are just too personal to share.  I shared the bits I shared today to show that adoption is a long and rough road.  Anyone who thinks it's all sunshine and lollipops is on glue!  This isn't easy and occasionally we need help.  Never be afraid to admit you need help.  It's for the best.

Have a great day and God Bless!

Parental Support...

Is there any?  This topic has been on my mind for some time now.  The inspiration/courage to make this post comes from an online friend who just posted to her blog about it too.  So here goes.

We all know that my DH and I are adoptive parents to two of the most beautiful and wonderful boys in the world.  We also know that we are not secretive about their special needs either.  We work diligently with the professionals that our boys need.  We do it with gusto and without shame.  We view our boys needs as another way to utilize the gifts God gave them and help them be a force in this world in a way that a "typical" child won't be able to.  What we don't do so openly is seek help for ourselves. As parents.  That's not to say that we don't seek assistance when we need it, we do; but not necessarily professional help.

There are agencies that provide every form of help for our special needs children.  But what there isn't an abundance of is professionals who actually specialize in helping the parents of those children.  Most often those parents need someone to talk to who will listen and say, " I get it! I've been where you are.  You are not alone.  I can help you."  That help needs to come in the form of an empathetic ear.  A shoulder that is prepared to be good and soggy.  A hand that is willing to help a person get back up from the depths of despair from parenting a child with special needs and feeling like a complete failure.  There is no such thing as a failure when it comes to parenting the special needs child....unless you do nothing.  If you pretend your special needs child is absolutely typical and do nothing but live in denial, then yes, you're probably failing.  Sorry.  That is the cold hard fact.  For those of us/you that do everything that is suggested and that you can think of and nothing seems to work with your child, you need someone you can turn to.  You're not alone.

This post is my accountability to those of you who know me and those of you who don't.  I'm going back to school.  I'm going to get the diploma to go along with the life experience I've had for 35 years.  I'm going to do what (to the best of my knowledge) nobody in this community has done, and that is get my counselling diploma first then become professionally available to families of special needs children.  I'm going to do whatever I can to offer help and solutions (actual solutions) for those who are heading down that spiraling road of despair.  When that means I have to physically assist in some way then I will.  The families will know that I'm not just offering platitudes but that I've been (or am) where they are!  I will work together with these families to build an actual working together community of support.  In this community with a heart, we can!

Stay tuned, I'm jazzed.

Have a great day, and God Bless You!