It's been a few days since I've written and thought maybe I should.
I haven't written because it's been a not so nice weekend. I've said before that certain parenting 'things' are not unique to adoption.
But some that are somewhat unique is how you deal with the issues.
My boys have FASD. My oldest is a very old 7 year old. He and I are so much alike that it causes us to come to logger heads, more often than not. This past few days have been difficult. You see my 7 year old isn't just a 7 year old. He's a young boy in a 7 year olds body but his mind is that of a 14 year old. His attitude and vocabulary are so advanced that sometimes you forget you're talking to a 7 year old.
This past few days we've been at each other. Over silly things and not so silly things. The silly things were stuff like cleaning up his bedroom, not stealing all his baby brothers toys, 'playing' with his brother in a way that comes across as mean and makes him cry, not eating the homemade chocolate chip cookies because the chocolate is the wrong shape (yes, again!), etc. The not so silly things? Schoolwork! Yes I realize that the new term starts tomorrow, but he did have a wee bit of math to catch up on and while I wasn't pushing hard to get that work done, I did ask him daily to do a sheet or two. So it wasn't what he wanted to do, so the fight was on.
One thing about my oldest is that he appears to prefer negative attention to positive attention. Now I know that sounds odd and it is, but it's how it appears. It may not be the case but... I try to compensate by giving extra positive attention and explain that I would much rather spend my time having fun with him and even during school hours we can make it fun, than spending my time giving him negative attention. He says he wants the positive attention but like I said it appears that it isn't the truth.
So today we had the blow out. He was crying, I was crying and it was a soul cleansing half hour. We have these every few months and we clear the air. I remind him that we need to work on being nice and kind and loving to one another and that when we feel angry or frustrated we have to talk to God (in case you didn't know we are a christian household and God is at the head of our home.) and ask Him to help us.
My sweet boy looked me straight in the eye and said, "Mum, we need to stop and talk to God." I hugged him to me and we talked to God.
My mum had been here for the better part of the blow out but had left (at my insistence) and didn't get to witness the love and compassion and prayer that happened between a Mum, a 7 (14) year old and God.
It was a beautiful moment and one that I'll cling to when things start to go pear shaped again in a few more weeks.
Parenting, it's not an easy road. Parenting the special needs child, extremely difficult but oh so rewarding!
Why did I share this? I was reading another adoptive mum's blog today and it was all about the myths and facts of adopting. It occurred to me that one of the myths is that you have to be perfect to adopt. WOW after the few days my son and I had, no one could call us perfect. The fact is the ministry and the private agencies aren't looking for perfect, they're looking for real. Real people who are capable of loving and fighting, living and giving, making mistakes and admitting them and apologizing for them. Real people who just want a family and will open their arms, their hearts and their minds to someone else who is looking for a forever family too.
So if this is one of the myths about adoption that's holding you back, let go.
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