Hello! Long time no talk. Sorry about that. These past couple of weeks has been a bit rough. Emotionally. We've had to overcome the illness that was running rampant in our home and deal with the announcement that my Mum is getting married. Deal with the announcement? you may ask. Yes.
My Dad has been gone from this life for 8 years. I took a long time to grieve his passing. He was my best friend and my greatest inspiration before my kids. He was my rock and my hero. He kept me grounded in reality when I had pipe dreams and my encouragement when I felt like I might fail in my achievable endeavours. To say that I still miss him is the understatement of the century. But I have come to terms with his passing and I know that he is proud of me from up in heaven. So now my Mum is getting married. I thought my husband and I had a whirlwind romance. Let me tell you their story.
My mum and her intended have known one another (actually our whole family has) for 40+ years. This gentleman is a very very good friend of my mum's brother for many, many years. He was my math teacher in high school and is very well known and respected in our community. About 6 years ago my mum took on a housekeeping position for this man and his wife. Now I know you're thinking uh oh. But no. They are both very strong Christians and would never entertain such thoughts. So anyway, this mans wife passed away last year. She'd fought a brave battle of illness for many years. She passed away with her family and very much loved. She passed in the spring of 2010. Just before Christmas 2010 my mum started mentioning silly little comments and gestures the gentleman was making to her and I informed her that he was testing the waters to see if she was interested in dating him. She assured me that wasn't what was happening. Well in the first or 2nd week of January she announced that they were dating. I laughed and said 'told you so!'. It wasn't 3 weeks later that she told me he was talking about marriage. It didn't surprise me. He's a few years older than mum and lonely. He'd felt alone for many years with his wife needing to be in a care facility he was, essentially, living alone. He was loyal and devoted and very much in love with his wonderful wife. He's also ready to move forward with his life. Fast forward a couple of weeks and it's Valentine's Day and the morning after I got a call from my Mum telling she was engaged and the wedding would be in August or September. Talk about a whirlwind. I'll say one thing for this guy, when he makes a decision nothing stops him.
So, now I've gone from knowing they were eventually going to get engaged and married to having to wrap my head around my mum merely dating to fully engaged and planning her wedding. Now don't misunderstand I'm thrilled beyond all belief for my mum and her beau! It's just a completely different story from knowing something is going to happen to having it become a reality before you were told it would. So I gave myself 24 hours to explore my thoughts and feelings and then delve head long into helping my Mum and her intended plan a beautiful wedding day. These two people are at a time in their lives where to find a compatible companion can be challenging and they found each other. That is a fact that makes me very happy. I get to stand beside my mum and witness her marriage and have her know that she has my full support and love. Her happiness, and no longer lonely, means the world to me and I'm blessed to be able to stand with her. So yes I had to 'deal' but it's all good when you know that your surviving parent isn't going to spend the rest of their lives alone and lonely.
So Mum, if one of your friends lets you see this, know that I love you and am so honoured to be your matron of honour, standing beside you and showing you how much I approve of this marriage.
So you're probably wondering what this has to do with adoption. Nothing. Just what's going on in my life right now. I suppose if I stretch my mind a little I could say that because I have 2 siblings, and the gentleman has 3 adult children that adoption of each other enters into it for us to become one big happy family but....no. I don't want to. I know his kids and they're lovely people and we'll all be friends eventually. But this marriage doesn't include adoption. It's just two families joining together...it's not like we're the Brady Bunch will all be living together. But I can see our family gatherings growing in number and being more fun.
So the boys are doing well. Everybody is mostly over the sickness. We have a couple of symptoms hanging on, like the cough and the sore throat, but we're mostly all good. We're working to restore order and routine and that's proving challenging for the oldest because while I was sick for the month and Daddy was sick but going to work, Nana was here looking after us all and no school work got done. He's not liking getting back into it. I'm trying to convince him that it's only a couple of weeks of work left and then he gets another break. He doesn't believe me. But I think he'll believe me when we hand in all his books and we don't make him do school work for a couple weeks again.
As for our next adoption, no news yet. :(
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day....
Considering today is my favorite day of the week, what better day for Valentine's Day to fall?
We had a beautiful, quiet day to celebrate and revel in our love. Sort of.
We're all still very, very ,very sick. Not one of us spent the day being happy and playful, but quiet and cuddly. Isn't it awful that I wish I could find a way to make my children cuddly like they are when they are ill? Of course I don't want them to be ill, I want them to be cuddly!
My 7 year old cuddles with one person and one person only, his Nana. No idea why only Nana but only Nana. It bothered him to no end today that Nana left after I got home from my doctor's appointment to go and cook a lovely dinner for her new beau! How dare she have a life! My 7 year old certainly felt that way. Although both my husband and I are home, sick, but home and ready, willing and able to cuddle him, he chose to sit on a love seat by himself cuddled under my comforter and with my pillow. We tried to coax him but to no avail.
Our 2 year old wanted nothing more than to cuddle today. All day. We couldn't get him to eat and only to drink sparsely. But he'll be OK too of that I'm certain. This nasty para influenza and Influenza B have got a hold on this little family and it is resisting letting go with all it's might. But I think we're winning. I think today's love fest may have helped us all turn a corner.
So while I don't necessarily go in for all the commercialism of Valentine's day, I'll certainly take a day that lands on my favorite day of the week and is supposed to be all about love and cherish it for what it is. But remember, love isn't reserved for one day a year, why not make every day Valentine's day. There's so many children in this world who've never had a Valentine's day, why not make tomorrow Valentine's for a new love in your life?
Happy Valentine's Day!
We had a beautiful, quiet day to celebrate and revel in our love. Sort of.
We're all still very, very ,very sick. Not one of us spent the day being happy and playful, but quiet and cuddly. Isn't it awful that I wish I could find a way to make my children cuddly like they are when they are ill? Of course I don't want them to be ill, I want them to be cuddly!
My 7 year old cuddles with one person and one person only, his Nana. No idea why only Nana but only Nana. It bothered him to no end today that Nana left after I got home from my doctor's appointment to go and cook a lovely dinner for her new beau! How dare she have a life! My 7 year old certainly felt that way. Although both my husband and I are home, sick, but home and ready, willing and able to cuddle him, he chose to sit on a love seat by himself cuddled under my comforter and with my pillow. We tried to coax him but to no avail.
Our 2 year old wanted nothing more than to cuddle today. All day. We couldn't get him to eat and only to drink sparsely. But he'll be OK too of that I'm certain. This nasty para influenza and Influenza B have got a hold on this little family and it is resisting letting go with all it's might. But I think we're winning. I think today's love fest may have helped us all turn a corner.
So while I don't necessarily go in for all the commercialism of Valentine's day, I'll certainly take a day that lands on my favorite day of the week and is supposed to be all about love and cherish it for what it is. But remember, love isn't reserved for one day a year, why not make every day Valentine's day. There's so many children in this world who've never had a Valentine's day, why not make tomorrow Valentine's for a new love in your life?
Happy Valentine's Day!
Monday, February 7, 2011
FASD and Secondary Disabilities workshop.
This past Saturday my husband and I attended a wonderful workshop on FASD and it's secondary disabilities. The speaker was Dr. Diane Russell. What a wonderful lady and wealth of knowledge she is!
Dr. Russell is a neuropsychologist who specializes in working with people with FASD. I find it amazing every time I attend a workshop on FASD how much I still don't know even though I live with 2 children afflicted with this type of brain damage. This lady talked about the secondary disabilities that seem to come with the FASD diagnosis. What it all boiled down to is that there really are no secondary disabilities with FASD only concurrent ones.
FASD quite often comes with ADHD, OCD, ODD as well as a bunch of others. These are all brain issues. They can all be caused by alcohol consumed during pregnancy. They're all a form of brain damage.
Unfortunately a lot of FASD (and it's concurrent diagnoses) characteristics manifest as behavioural issues. We all like to think if we can curb the behaviours we've got a lock on the disorder. It's not true. It's brain damage. It's not a case of a child/adult with FASD not wanting to change behaviours, but a case of CAN'T change the behaviours. Those parts of the brain are missing or dead.
Knowing how these disorders work is how we learn to parent children with these diagnoses. Understanding that what quite often looks like willfulness is nothing more than the person just not having the ability to modify the behaviours. Parenting children with FASD is a life in repetition. It's like the movie Groundhog Day. Everyday you wake up with your child and know you're going to have to repeat all the same lessons from the day before. Hoping that one day there will be a CLICK and the child will suddenly get it! Then you can move on to the next day. Sorry folks it's just not likely to happen. Children with FASD are not hopeless though. Depending on the severity of the impact on the brain, most of these children are very intelligent, good problem solvers (even when the solution makes absolutely no sense to an onlooker), and very creative. They also have high anxiety. In my 2 sons my oldest is academically very intelligent, but lacks social skills and street smarts. At 7 years old we still have to grab him in parking lots because he'll dart right out into traffic. But ask him to tell you about tornadoes and how they're formed and you'll get a 10 minute lesson in all things tornado's.
My 2 year old is a physical dynamo. He has good problem solving skills, but is verbally delayed at this point. Comprehension is high but responding is less than average. We've had to empty our living room and dining room of all things breakable because he is very adept at moving furniture and climbing to reach what we thought was put out of sight and out of mind. We were wrong. So we adapt to him. Consequences mean nothing to him either.
If you're considering adoption please make sure when you check that box on the application that says you're willing to accept FASD that you go and spend time with a family raising FASD children. You can't fully appreciate what this disorder entails until you've lived it. The books are wonderful but they don't run circles around you....physically or verbally.
Parenting these children is frustrating and rewarding. Extreme sense of humour is a must! But you must be prepared. If you get a chance to attend a workshop with Dr. Russell, or Brenda McCreight, or Kim Barthel, do it! You'll find yourself enjoying the learning experience and you'll probably find yourself thinking that you just might be up to the task.
Dr. Russell is a neuropsychologist who specializes in working with people with FASD. I find it amazing every time I attend a workshop on FASD how much I still don't know even though I live with 2 children afflicted with this type of brain damage. This lady talked about the secondary disabilities that seem to come with the FASD diagnosis. What it all boiled down to is that there really are no secondary disabilities with FASD only concurrent ones.
FASD quite often comes with ADHD, OCD, ODD as well as a bunch of others. These are all brain issues. They can all be caused by alcohol consumed during pregnancy. They're all a form of brain damage.
Unfortunately a lot of FASD (and it's concurrent diagnoses) characteristics manifest as behavioural issues. We all like to think if we can curb the behaviours we've got a lock on the disorder. It's not true. It's brain damage. It's not a case of a child/adult with FASD not wanting to change behaviours, but a case of CAN'T change the behaviours. Those parts of the brain are missing or dead.
Knowing how these disorders work is how we learn to parent children with these diagnoses. Understanding that what quite often looks like willfulness is nothing more than the person just not having the ability to modify the behaviours. Parenting children with FASD is a life in repetition. It's like the movie Groundhog Day. Everyday you wake up with your child and know you're going to have to repeat all the same lessons from the day before. Hoping that one day there will be a CLICK and the child will suddenly get it! Then you can move on to the next day. Sorry folks it's just not likely to happen. Children with FASD are not hopeless though. Depending on the severity of the impact on the brain, most of these children are very intelligent, good problem solvers (even when the solution makes absolutely no sense to an onlooker), and very creative. They also have high anxiety. In my 2 sons my oldest is academically very intelligent, but lacks social skills and street smarts. At 7 years old we still have to grab him in parking lots because he'll dart right out into traffic. But ask him to tell you about tornadoes and how they're formed and you'll get a 10 minute lesson in all things tornado's.
My 2 year old is a physical dynamo. He has good problem solving skills, but is verbally delayed at this point. Comprehension is high but responding is less than average. We've had to empty our living room and dining room of all things breakable because he is very adept at moving furniture and climbing to reach what we thought was put out of sight and out of mind. We were wrong. So we adapt to him. Consequences mean nothing to him either.
If you're considering adoption please make sure when you check that box on the application that says you're willing to accept FASD that you go and spend time with a family raising FASD children. You can't fully appreciate what this disorder entails until you've lived it. The books are wonderful but they don't run circles around you....physically or verbally.
Parenting these children is frustrating and rewarding. Extreme sense of humour is a must! But you must be prepared. If you get a chance to attend a workshop with Dr. Russell, or Brenda McCreight, or Kim Barthel, do it! You'll find yourself enjoying the learning experience and you'll probably find yourself thinking that you just might be up to the task.
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