Here we are 8 more months...


Since I've written. Well, let me tell you, this has been one helluva a roller coaster ride!

Since last October there's been occasions, like Christmas Eve at my sister's, Christmas at home with Nana and Papa, New Year's Eve, and of course New Year's Day. Then there's been a few birthdays, Valentine's Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Daddy's birthday, and next is Father's Day. Whew!

So those are the good things. Like I've said before, not all sunshine and roses. There's been some pretty hard decisions to make, some really huge surprise hurdles to overcome and we're still climbing and getting a bit better everyday, therapy for the whole family.
Turns out when we originally thought the honeymoon period was over we were oh so wrong! But there's no doubt anymore! Our princess trusts us fully now. Some of the things she's told us have been incredible. Some good, some not so good, some down right horrible. But, we're working through it all.

Our oldest is doing better and better all the time. This year was his first year at middle school and next year he goes back to elementary school.  They're (the school district) restructuring our schools. One of our middle schools is being turned into an elementary while they close down the elementary school. So our oldest wasn't all that thrilled to learn that he was moving up, and now his school is being reclassified.  Oh well, like we told him only one more year there and he can move up to the high school.

We're doing OK. I don't think any parents of children with special needs can ever truly say that they are doing GREAT! Maybe for a day or maybe even a week here and there. Our kids aren't designed to work that way. 

Kids with certain conditions/issues just don't have the ability to be good all the time. It's just not in their genetic make up. Their brains aren't designed not to fight and argue at least sometimes. We all have that, but children with sensory issues, brain injuries, just don't have the ability to regulate themselves on a permanent basis. It's kind of like that senior citizen who's decided that they're entitled to be rude and spew whatever pops into their mind. No self edit button; it's kind of like that. No self edit button for behaviours. They would much rather appear bad than stupid too. That was a hard lesson for me to wrap my head around. But life got easier when I did. What may seem like willful 'bad' behaviour may actually be your child crying for help because they're feeling pressured to be perfect, or right, and right now! We can't do that to our kids. We as parents need to learn the difference between can't and won't. There is definitely 'bad' behaviour that is willful, they are kids after all. But you have to know when they are making an informed choice and when it's because they don't know what else to do. It could be something as simple as 'One of your spelling words is cat. Can you spell that for me please?' Now that child is thinking I know how but I have to think first and Mum/Dad is going to mad if I take too long. What do I do? I'll throw a temper tantrum and distract them. Although that clear thought process isn't there for them it's what's happening without their actual knowledge of it.

Wow, this post took a swift swerve didn't it? *smile*

I guess all we can do is learn the art of patience, acceptance, and empathy. I know that sounds a little more difficult, but it's doable. The real trick is to teach those who don't live in your home to be that way with your kids. Although in my personal experience people without first hand experience with kids like my own, don't tend to believe my kids can be like this (my kids are pretty much perfect angels when we're not home. ) or I get criticized and judged for being too 'hard'. But again they have no clue who my kids really are and what it takes to raise them. It's not like raising neurotypical children. The consequences you could employ with 'normal' kids will not work on a child with a brain injury. They don't have the capacity to put actions and consequences together. 
I should qualify that when I say 'they' I am speaking specifically to my own kids. Children with special needs are definitely not all the same and should never be painted with one brush. (They shouldn't be painted at all, unless of course they're playing. *wink*  )

Well, I'm going to close out with, remember to take care of yourselves first. Without you your family doesn't stand a chance, and it's not selfish!

God Bless,
Kelly